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by AlexVaz01



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blood, F/F, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, i don't want to spoil anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 55,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexVaz01/pseuds/AlexVaz01
Summary: Lapis needed to run away from everything, but she had nowhere to go, Peridot has somewhere to escape, but no one to help her, what would happen if they found out each other?





	1. The Barn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, it's the first time I write something in years, also the first time writing something in english, so any comment in how to get better would be really appreciated.

The dimmed lights of the city started to disappear behind the glass, when everything turned black someone shot a look at her, blue hair and big black bags under a pair of light blue eyes with a tint of red after all the sleepless nights of crying herself to sleep, a pale face behind those broken, sad eyes didn’t recognized the thing looking it back; a few months ago she wasn't like that, a few months ago those bags wouldn’t exist and those eyes were shinning at the world, happy with the changes in her life, a girlfriend who loved her, a happy family and a good time in college, but just as her mother used to say: "When something goes wrong, Everything will", six months ago she wouldn’t imagine herself escaping from what used to be her home for a week to be alone and away, taking a random bus and going anywhere the destiny wanted to take her, thinking about it just made Lapis's eyes to water again and she let her head fall into the glass; for the fourteenth night Lapis would cry herself to sleep again.

When she woke up four or so hours later she was in another place, straight out of a book, the sun coming out behind the mountains and a forest engulfing everything she could look, green, yellow and orange was all that she could feel  the moment she opened her eyes, and for the first time this week she managed to get a peaceful second trying to take it all in, the glory of that place in that exact moment, trying to froze it in time and space, like a photograph in her memory, but the little moments are just that, and the sadness filled her thoughts once again, getting a bottle of water out from her backpack, the only thing she brought with her phone and keys, she tried to look where she was, but after an hour or so she gave up, she didn’t knew where she was, and in her heart she didn’t mind one single bit about it, that was what she wanted after all, a whole week where no one or nothing could find her, not her family or her thoughts; the first one seemed like a complete task, the other thing would be harder she realized.

She didn’t knew when to get down the bus, or what she would do with almost no money and nothing to do for a week, but she waited patiently for hours in her seat, looking outside as the forest ended and a little costal city appeared before her eyes, it took two hours to get out of that little town, and she only wanted to get down, but something told her that this wasn’t the moment to, she looked at the plain green fields that started after the city, after a while she noticed something very big far away, a little figure that reminded her of something buried on her memory, a little barn that she used to visit when she was only five, and the only thing she managed to think was, “This is it” whispering in a low voice.

Walking towards the barn was a long trip, but her limbs thanked her the movement, after spending almost eight hours in the same position everything would be good for them, the sun high in the sky warming everything in sight, and Lapis gasping because the bottle had no water anymore, but at every passing moment the barn just a little bit closer just as the memories of the good times she passed here, she thought about her mother bringing water to them, her father playing games with her, every time  she felt asleep under a tree close to that place, of every good thing that happened to her here, and she was a little happy to find solace in a place long forgotten, to be frank, she was a little happy inside, and after weeks of feeling a cold hand grabbing her heart and keeping it in a snowy  climate, it was something that really surprised her.

When she arrived closer, she noticed the differences, the wood outside the barn was recently painted brown, another tone that she couldn’t recognize, it seemed a little more aged, she got the feeling that no one has been there in years, when she arrived to the entry she found that someone created a lake in the side, and her body thanked the gods she found it, tired after hours under the sun she kneeled and drank water, leaving her backpack somewhere she just focused on the feeling of the water touching her lips and filling her with something so sweet and needed so much, but those feelings couldn’t stay for long because at the moment she was standing from there she listened a voice behind her.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house?”


	2. Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I ended the rough draft of the history this week, I plan to do 26 episodes, it may vary but I like the ideas for each chapter and how I plan to do it, I've written until episode 4 and I'm currently writing the 5th one, but soon I'll be studying hard and I want to keep uploading regularly while I don't have that much time... so I'll upload one episode each Sunday, Thanks for reading.

There are perks of having almost straights A's in everything, one of those was the possibility to talk with the teachers and having some free days, allowing Peridot to keep doing those trips in the academic year, even if her friends found weird that the nerd, well known for her habit of staying in her room and play videogames for weeks without going anywhere except for food when she was hungry (and after emptying her personal stash), has been using those “mini vacations” to go outside the city, to a place without phone reception, or internet, or any way of communication with the outside world; It was amusing to hear the theories of Amethyst ranging from a secret love to an Alien Invasion, but in reality the reason was much more grounded, Peridot Olivine, the insufferable nerd, the "Robot incapable of human feelings" (Nickname by her “Beloved” classmates), missed her parents.

Trying to tell those feelings to anyone, whoever that person may be, was hard for her, maybe her social awkwardness was a big part of this, or maybe that she didn’t fully understood those feelings, her inner struggles, especially those about her parents, were something she felt bigger than herself, usually dreaming about them, about faceless figures who stand by her in all the important moments in her life, and found herself waking up on a wet pillow every night those dreams came; She really tried to hide this fact to everybody, afraid to look even weaker than what her short stature showed to the world, Peridot tried to bury inside her every night and every dream, and she tried to show that she was the “Teacher Pet” that everyone, beside her friends, thought of her.

The trip outside the city was always so long for Peridot and she was used to not being able to sleep at all in the bus, the bumpy ride tend to wake her up from her light sleep, so she always tried to spend the time studying, but this particular trip an obnoxious guy besides her tried to hit on her all the ride, asking questions, from her name to almost what she ate this morning, and the only thing Peridot could thought of was how to kindly say him to fuck off, instead of following  her instinct, she continued answering his pestering questions until he got off the bus in "Beach City", giving his number to her, quickly after the bus started again she tore apart the paper mumbling some curses, the worst part for Peridot was that she could really use those hours to study for the week she was about to miss and some random guy stole her time, those precious moments she could spend in anything else besides putting her attention in answering wherever question he could come off, anyway, knowing how close was her stop, Peridot closed her eyes before getting up, first from her seat, and then down the bus, prepared for the worst part of every trip, the hour or so walking to the barn.

The first thing she noticed when she got close was a figure, taller than her and also slimmer, with blue hair looking at the barn, her barn, and she started to worry; “What does she wants?” Peridot thought getting closer and closer, a little faster with each step, luckily for her the girl didn't noticed the sound her foot made, and started drinking from the "Lake" she managed to made a long time ago, Peridot slowed down until she could stand a few feet behind her and said with all her might:

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?".

Peridot didn’t expected the reaction she got from the blunette, jumping scared and almost falling face first into the water, Peridot's impulses forced her to get closer leaning with one arm stretched towards her.

"Are you all right?" Peridot said with a more calm voice.

"Holy shit, you scared me" said the woman turning and looking at the blonde, "Who are you?" her voice regain composure rather quickly.

"I feel like I should ask you that" Peridot said walking to the entry of the barn before turning with a grin on her face and her green eyes menacing, "This is my barn, my house, and I don't know who are you" she pointed at her before continuing, "Also don’t answer a question with another, that's rude".

"Name's Lapis... Lapis Lazuli" Peridot only thought was how appropriate it was.

"Peridot Olivine" she looked at the taller girl trying to find her eyes, "What are you doing here? There's nothing around except my barn".

“I... umm..." Almost a minute passed in which Lapis eyes danced between her two shoes.

"You...?" Another minute, or something like that, passed before Lapis looked at her, directly into her green eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses, and for Peridot that look was an instant answer to her question, because those blue eyes where the same that looked right to her soul every morning when she woke up thinking of her parents, those were the eyes of someone like her, someone who wouldn’t or couldn’t talk about it, and Peridot, even if she was really really curious, knew that she didn’t wanted to know anymore.

“I-I-I… don’t have anywhere to go” Lapis’s eyes started to roam around again as Peridot turned around and opened the door to the barn, considering if it was wise to let her in.

“Come here Lazuli” Peridot said after a moment, signaling Lapis with her hand, allowing Lapis to go inside the barn; It was quite big, without much stuff inside, some cans of brown paint in one corner, a hammock between two pillars, and a table in the middle, with four chairs and two big empty boxes underneath, there was a second floor, you could go there from a ladder placed in the pillar next to the hammock, this second floor only used half of the space of the barn and Lapis managed to saw that there was a big sofa placed as a kind of bed, a TV and a box serving as a nightstand, Peridot went to the table and opened her backpack, getting a big purple box outside, with a well-known logo by the citizens of Empire City, _“Big Donut”_ , the blonde turned around and asked, “Are you hungry?”.

“Um… Yes?” Lapis doubted for a second.

Peridot opened the box and got a donut out, taking a bite quickly, “If I had any kind of healthy food I would give some to you, but I planned to survive today with only this”.

Lapis tried to hide her laugh with the back of her hand, moving towards the box and choosing a strawberry color donut, “Did you think I usually eat healthy food? You should look in my bedroom, it’s full of those” Her finger pointing at the box.

Silence fell quickly allowing both to eat something before Lapis broke the silence with a low whisper, that probably Peridot wouldn’t be able to hear if not for the total void of sound they wrapped themselves, “Why did you invited me in?”.

Peridot looked at the half eaten donut in her hand and for the first time started to think how to explain to the blue haired girl why she has done this, why she believed in those sad eyes and how she understood, “You have nowhere to go” she got up from the chair and went to the stairs, trying to avoid eye contact and an explanation, taking the first steps upside lowly, “You seemingly have nothing in your backpack, neither food or water” after arriving in the second flood she sat of the couch getting some covers and prepared her bed saying, “And also you don’t seem dangerous at all” Peridot eyes came down on her from upside and Lapis tried to focus her blue eyes on her, “You can sleep in the hammock, those eye bags tell me that you really need it”.

Lapis didn’t knew what to say, didn’t knew how to feel, didn’t knew why the girl feed her and help her, but her mind was too tired to argue, the only thing she was able to do before going to the hammock was to whisper a thanks to Peridot, once she was at the side of the brown cloth she started thinking how could someone do this, sleep there, Lapis tried to jump up the hammock but she failed miserably, falling to the ground almost instantly with a loud sound.

“Do you know how to sleep in those, right?” she heard Peridot.

“No…” the only thing Lapis heard was a mumbled _Oh my god_ from upstairs and two feet starting to take the ladder downstairs, the blue haired girl didn’t understood what was happening, “What are you doing?”.

“Go and sleep in the couch, I’ll wait until later” Peridot’s eyes were understanding and sincere before turning away and Lapis saw the blonde walk to the entrance of the barn, Lapis tried to think every excuse she could, any excuse, but the only thing remaining was the promise of sleep in a calm place, in some kind of bed, somewhere far from the city, and Lapis began to climb, with every step she took up the ladder, and every step to the sofa later, her mind grew more and more tired, until she arrived next to the sofa and fell instantly into the covers.

“Goodnight Peridot” she whispered to her savior, looking at her the last second before closing her eyes, her small frame against the sun, her blonde spiky hair going haywire in every direction and her arms in her hips, looking away, Lapis closed her eyes and drifted off, without crying much to her suprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the characterization?, I wrote it up like 6 times and it's very different than my first one because I didn't feel confortable with it; Again, any typo, or comment, or suggestion will be really appreciated. Until next week and thanks for being here.


	3. Sleep

The first thing Lapis noticed when she opened her eyes was a note in a little box beside the sofa that served as a nightstand.

"I went out to buy some stuff to eat, don't burn the Barn please.

Peridot".

In the end of the bed Peridot had placed the Lapis’s backpack and the donut box, the bluenette looked around and went right for the box the moment her stomach growled, relieved to find two donuts inside when she needed them the most, she sat legs dangling from the second floor and waited for the short girl to come back, her mind starting to drift off into infinity, _Why Peridot allowed her to stay?, Why Peridot allowed her to sleep in her bed?_ , and more importantly, _What was Peridot doing in the middle of nowhere?_ , her own mind trapped her in an inner monologue, endless questions about the girl living so away from the city, legs moving up and down in a rhythmic pattern while she thought about the blonde she didn't noticed was staring at her tapping her foot lightly but impatiently.

"Lazuli?" Lapis's eyes darted to Peridot and she couldn't help but snort at the little blonde under her, with her glasses almost falling of her nose and her spiky hair going everywhere, with three big bags in each hand and curious green eyes focused entirely on her, "Why are you laughing?... you clod" whispering the last words.

"You look funny" Lapis got up and started to descend the ladder, "Need any help?”.

"No, don’t worry" Peridot started to store the groceries under the table, in the boxes she brought for that long time ago, and looked at Lapis fidgeting with her fingers standing in the middle of the barn, her eyes alternating between the blonde and her own feet, Peridot didn't knew how to act, the eyes she saw on the bluenette that morning were so hurt and lost, and she felt her curiosity burn up inside her again, but this time was different, there was something else there too, Peridot didn't wanted Lapis to go, and didn’t fully understood why, maybe it was because she wanted to protect someone she thought just as hurt as herself, maybe it was the fact that Lapis let down her guard enough to sleep in front of her minutes after the first time they saw each other, maybe it was the feeling of guilt she felt when she left the taller girl to buy groceries, or even a mix of those things, Peridot was clear on something though, Peridot wanted Lapis to stay, "Do you have anywhere to go tonight?".

"N-N-No" Lapis nervous gaze looked at the door and started walking to the stairs prepared to get her backpack and go, "I'd understand if you want me to-".

"You have nowhere to go, and I have that” the girl pointed at the hammock, ”If you want a place to sleep you could learn how to use it" Peridot said bluntly, "I have some covers upstairs, it gets really cold in the nights".

"Really?" Lapis voice went un an octave from the surprise, Peridot only smirked at that and walked toward her, going upstairs and taking the backpack, walking slowly down the ladder to put it under the hammock.

"Well, it’s settled then" the blonde turned around and looked at Lapis's blue eyes, "Want to eat something?"

* * *

 

Lapis fade to sleep quickly that night, trying to learn how to use a hammock was certainly hard, and left her really tired, Peridot spend the day, on the other hand, repainting the barn; After eating they didn't talk that much, the bluenette only saw Peridot again right before sunset, when the short girl started to climb the ladder, Lapis fade to sleep quickly that night, but it was not enough to stop some light sobs right before drifting off, fifteen nights in a row and counting.

One of the things that used to made Lapis proud about herself was her ability to sleep through everything, but something the past half month teached her was how fragile is the sleep of someone in pain, Lapis groggily open her eyes feeling a low theme that she knew well playing from somewhere close, Lapis saw a low light emanating from upside, she slowly started to regain conscience and began to remember where she was, surprised she heard two voices well known and decided to go upstairs, Lapis didn't put any shoes, trying to be as sneaky as possible, the stairs didn't made a sound so she was able to look at Peridot sitting in the sofa and couldn't stop but laugh at the face of concentration of the shorter girl, eyes focused entirely on the screen, arms hugging her legs and two blankets over her, nothing stopped the scream of surprise the blonde made noticing the bluenette at the top of the stairs, before following the laughter, making Lapis almost fall.

"What the fuck are you doing there!?" Peridot bickered jumping fast from her seat, seemingly worried at the possibility of the bluenette falling down the stairs.

"You woke me up" Lapis tried to put the most serious face that she could, but hearing the voice of her favorite character in an unfamiliar place made her smile despite herself, "You woke me up and I realized, _Oh, I want to watch Camp Pining Hearts_ ".

In the few seconds that took Lapis to walk and sit beside the blonde the latter face changed at least five times, from guilt because she woke her, to surprise born from Lapis knowing CPH, to an anxious feeling of wanting to ask her everything about it, to happiness of finding someone who didn’t judge her and laugh at the undying love for a 80's Drama, into a weird feeling of calmness that settled in her heart when Lapis positioned her body at the other side of the couch, Peridot’s calm interior didn’t stopped the stutter of her first words, " Y-y-you like CPH?" said unable to hide her surprise even if she tried.

"Yeah, it's my favorite" Lapis lifted one leg and hug it before turning her attention to the TV, paused by Peridot in the meantime, "What season are you watching?"

"Rewatching actually, it’s season five" The short girl made a dismiss with her hand, "it’s tras-"

"It's the best one!" Claimed excitedly Lapis, "Paulette in this season is such a cut-"

"PAULETTE!?" Those eight letters worked like a cannon, shooting Peridot to her feet in an instant, "Don't tell me you like such a one dimensional trash of a character".

"She's human, she makes mistakes, falls in love, keep making mistakes and tries to be sincere with her feelings, although I wouldn’t mind her to be alone" Lapis counted with her fingers and the frown on the blonde eyebrows was more and more angry with each word, until the last one.

"If she stops bothering my Percy, it'll be ok" said sitting at the other side and taking the control into her hand, ready to press the play button.

"It’s true, Percy does look better with Pierre" Lapis immediately regretted saying that when a sharp scream filled the barn.

Peridot was even closer this time, with an ear to ear grin and almost jumping and vibrating of happiness, green eyes shining, not from the TV light, shining on their own like a little magic spell, "I KNOW RIGHT, THEY ARE OBJECTIVELY THE BEST FOR EACH OTHER!!" Lapis backed off a little from the excited girl, just from a single couple in a fictional world, Peridot seemed to notice the distress of Lapis, sitting again at the other side "At least you made one good choice" whispered pressing the play button and allowing the images and sounds to capture the barn entirely.

* * *

 

Sleeping was hard, that was the lesson Peridot learned a few months ago, Sleeping was hard because she could dream and Peridot was afraid of closing her eyes and be left alone with her subconscious, with the possibility of being so close, and yet so far, of her parents, and waking up crying in bed, so she avoided it as much as possible, but the human body is fragile and to keep on living she needed some things: food, water, air, and much to her demise, Peridot needed to sleep, she saw with the corner of her closing eyes Lapis falling asleep at her side, at the fourth or fifth episode, and Peridot didn’t wanted to bother the bluenette, so she slowly stood up, a low voice stopping her, she looked at Lapis to find out that she was asleep, deep in her dreams, with tears flowing down her cheeks and her mouth slightly open, mumbling unintelligible words, Peridot tried to walk to the stairs, feeling shy about listening Lapis in her sleep, but the whispers of the taller girl began to be louder and louder and she could make sense of the words for once… _“Why Papa… Don’t go… Don’t leave me alone… Don’t die, not now papa…”_ her voice broke between the sobs and the mumbling stopped altogether after a few seconds, but the tears kept running as the blonde froze in place, looking at Lapis without knowing what to do, after staring what she felt were hours she forced her feet to go towards Lapis, and Peridot took the covers of the makeshift bed and tucked the bluenette in, cleaning a bit her cheeks from the tears running down, before walking downstairs, pulling herself into the hammock and Peridot stayed there, looking at the ceiling, she used to sleep here before bringing the couch, so she recognized the marks, the pattern in the wood, in a familiar setting her mind drifted off to the dark places she wanted to keep away, and her eyes closed on their own accord making this night hell once again, this night her dreams would be only of faceless figures, she didn’t notice that night, however, a blue figure crying behind her parents in every nightmare she had.

* * *

 

Waking up was hard, that was the lesson Lapis learned this last weeks, Waking up was hard because opening her eyes was painful, it meant starting a new day, it meant having to go forward again, it meant to clear the tears after crying in her sleep, so she keep her eyes closed, she keep them close as long as possible and in the meantime her thoughts started to wander off, with endless questions falling down like a waterfall, _Where was she?, How much time she was asleep?, What should she do today?, Where is Peridot?, What would she e... Where is Peridot!?_ , her mind settled instantly on that thought, her memories of last night, talking with the blonde and how she fell asleep on the sofa, so Lapis forced her eyes open, even if her mind screamed for her not to, just to see if the short girl was there, Lapis found herself alone once again and her mind fell into a dark cloud filled with sadness, but Lapis forced herself to stand and go directly to the hammock, looking for her particular “barnmate”, she found out a peaceful blonde sleeping there, with her eyes closed with a relaxed expression and breathing slowly from her half opened lips, the blue haired girl froze looking how calm and peaceful Peridot could be, opposed to her own sleep, Peridot’s slumber, without monsters or tears, what Lapis used to have a few months ago, and she felt jealous of her ability to stay like this, a few seconds passed and the face of Peridot distorted a bit, just for a second, before her body turned and Peridot fell of the hammock, just like Lapis the day before, Lapis couldn’t stop a giggle, half laughing, half worrying, her mind firm in one simple question, _What was that look on Peridot’s face just before falling?_ Or more importantly, _What happened to Peridot?_.

“Don’t laugh” the blonde voice came out of nowhere, making Lapis’s conscious to go back to the real world, “It was an accident”.

Lapis tried to contain her giggles the moment she saw Peridot’s angry but adorable face.

“Did you ate something already?” She ignored the bluenette laughing and walked to the boxes under the table.

“No, I just woke up” Lapis followed closely and sat with Peridot as she got some food out.

“Well… Let’s eat”.

* * *

 

Falling into a routine was easy, and Lapis being there became part of it, eating together in the mornings, Peridot going to buy stuff and Lapis staying looking around the place, eating dinner, Peridot working in the barn, Lapis exploring a nearby little forest, eating something in the nights, while looking at Camp Pining Hearts sitting at the exact opposite corners of the sofa, and falling asleep, if Peridot felt first, Lapis would go to the Hammock, if Lapis felt asleep, Peridot would stay, listening to Lapis cry and thinking about herself, about the blue haired girl, and if she was capable of doing something, always tucking her into the bed and going to face the same faceless figures looking at the same well-known roof.

Having someone to share her space was a blessing for Peridot, the first days taught her that Lapis wasn’t dangerous as she supposed, and she enjoyed having someone to talk, well… talk is a strange word for their relationship, Lapis listened to Peridot endless mumbling and sometimes said some words, but Peridot enjoyed to “talk” with her, watch CPH with someone else, the first person she’s ever met that likes the drama as much as her, was something new, being able to comment even the smallest stuff about Pierrcy was also a welcome thing, born of this new situation, but the blonde also felt conflicted, seeing someone suffer that much, seeing someone cry almost every night, just like her, made her heart hurt, she just wanted to ask Lapis about what happened but didn’t knew how, so Peridot waited, she waited and kept on waiting, looking at the bluenette with more worry than the moment before.

* * *

 

Saturday came fast and Lapis didn’t realize that almost a week has passed, the sun was setting fast on the horizon, Peridot finishing with the last of her work, painting the outside of the barn, Peridot walking inside to find Lapis asleep in the hammock once again, Peridot tried to be as quiet as possible and started to prepare something to eat, not just for her, but also for the sleeping girl whose snores filled the air, a moment after the blonde finished boiling the water Lapis opened her blue eyes, standing slowly and walking towards Peridot.

“Can I help you?” Her eyes fidgeted between the sandwiches Peridot had made for both of them and the two mugs, one with coffee for the blonde and one with the tea Lapis asked in Wednesday.

“If you can go up with your tea and put the next CPH episode, that would be helpful” The littler girl took a look at Lapis’s eyes and she regretted that immediately, worry starting to grow again in the heart of the blonde at the sight of those blue eyes drowned in sadness, longing for a feeling that wasn’t there and deep down Peridot thought she could see a wish to get better, a wish to feel better.

Lapis took the mug and walked upstairs, turning on the DVD sitting down, waiting for Peridot, the short girl took her time walking and sitting at the other side of the couch, like the recently made tradition dictated, but this time the focus of the blonde wasn’t on the episode Lapis just started on the TV, but was in the pale face of the bluenette, in every minimal movement, in every expression she could do, in everything that could show pain or sadness, Peridot worry started to take over as she took one slow bit of her food, the sun hid on the horizon an hour of so later, leaving the barn pitch black and both of her faces only illuminated with the various colors the TV bringed to them, Pierre voice just a noise buried under all the things Peridot was thinking of, _Her situation, Lapis, Her parents, Lapis, Her own family, Lapis, Her f… Lapis, Lapis, Lapis_ , Lapis burying everything else, just like the first moment she saw those blue enchanting eyes, Peridot was frozen in that state, frozen looking at Lapis, frozen waiting the next moment to come, Peridot didn’t knew what to do, her mind acting by herself the second it happened, the moment a lonely tear ran down the pale cheek and those blue eyes tried to blink back the rest of them, Lapis had just already finished her sandwich and the tea Peridot has made, and the air was cold the moment the lonely tear reached Lapis’s jaw, Peridot lips became alive and quickly, calmly and unconsciously, her mouth mumbled six words.

“Lapis, what happened to your father?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I created a tumblr (https://alexvaz01.tumblr.com/) if someone wants to ask something and when I have more time available I'll probably share stuff the too.
> 
> I'm finishing now ep 5 and 6, but as always I want to ask you something, any commentary, suggestion or anything you want to say about the way I write or characterization or anything about the story will be helpful for me, I hope you can help me to make this story (and the next I'll probably write) as good as posible.


	4. A Rift

Lapis’s expression was uncertain, her face even more pale illuminated only by the bright TV facing her, not only Peridot was frozen, the entire moment was preserved like coated in amber; Peridot felt the calm before the storm, the only moment Peridot didn’t wanted to come, but some strange force, Maybe the worry she’ve been building up for the past days, Maybe the feeling of familiarity she had builded with the bluenette, Maybe her curiosity had finally snapped, or more probably a mix or the three, forced the blonde to ask the question that she knew from the first day could create an abysm between the two, Peridot felt uncertain, afraid, and felt more alone than any other moment of the week, but that didn’t stopped her lips from moving on their own accord again.

 

“What happened to your father?” Peridot knew deep down that she didn’t wanted to repeat that question, and the frown eyebrows of Lapis after listening it for a second time were the living proof of her fear, but she persevered through it and kept her voice unwavering, slow but methodical, worried, “Lapis I only ask because you cry and talk about it every nig-”.

 

“SHUT UP” Like an ice shard ripping through her words came Lapis’s scream, Peridot standed still in place, and the atmosphere became colder by the second, blue eyes burning in rage but with a tint of hurt deep down placed in now coward, and afraid, green ones, Peridot’s lips half open with a word on her tongue, but stopped by what could even be a glacier over her mouth, “Don’t say anything else!” Lapis’s voice came as cold as she could, “You think you know me!?, What!… Do you care!?” her hand pointing right at the littler girl, her words trailing like a snake, bringing poison as a river with them, “I’ve dealt with this shit for months, I’m okay!”.

 

Deep inside what Lapis truly wanted was someone to care, deep inside she longed for anyone to bear this pain with her, but Peridot’s question found her in the worst moment, maybe the blonde wasn’t aware of the scene unfolding right before her eyes, of Paulette getting a late letter, with the last words of her father before dying, and Lapis couldn’t stop remembering countless councilers asking questions, like they cared, liked she was important, like they weren’t paid for a facade, for being there and made her feel better, they were paid to show they cared, so how could she trust them, how could she trust her, How could Lapis trust that Peridot’s words came from a place of caring?.

 

Peridot became a stone statue for what she felt months, but it couldn’t be more than a few minutes, facing Lapis she could see her ear and hair, face expressionless as her eyes were closed, the blonde couldn’t get anything from the bluenette, from her expression or her posture, she was afraid to even move, waiting for the perfect moment, a hunch , or anything that could help, Peridot felt the first notes of the ending music and her mouth moved on her own once again, “Lapi-”.

 

“Don’t talk, you don’t know me and you don’t have ANY REASON TO CARE!” voice every syllable louder, Lapis turned around and faced Peridot for one second, eyes no longer angry, now just filled with a cold sadness, the littler girl tried to mumble any letter, but before she could form an intelligible word Lapis shut her up, “You gave me a place to stay for this days, and I didn’t asked for this, for any of this” Lapis’s thoughts started to drift and became erratic, every time more and more uncertain.

 

“Lapis, I let you stay because I have thos-”.

 

“NOW YOU HAVE THE SAME THING AS ME!? THEN TELL ME WHAT DO I HAVE!” Lapis lost it at that moment, Lapis felt lost, more lost than ever, snapping at the best person she met in this last hellish months, but her mind wasn’t thinking rationally anymore, Lapis standed up and went downstairs getting her backpack and going to the entrance of the barn.

 

Peridot was still, still a stone statue before knowing what Lapis was doing, before realizing that Lapis was going to go away, just because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut and don’t say anything, Peridot’s body reacted on his own, almost in a flash with an arm taking the one of Lapis, who turned around and saw at those green eyes, “PLEASE DON'T GO, Tell me please, what do you want for me, and wherever that is… i'll do it”.

 

If looks could kill, Peridot would be pinned to the ground with an ice shard piercing her right in the heart, blue eyes looking at her, angry all over again, Lapis’s lips moved quickly, with the rage she accumulated for months, “I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE” Peridot’s hand lost his strength allowing the bluenette to ger her arm out and walk outside the barn, turning one last moment to see Peridot, in the exact position she left her, her lips just mouthing _ok_.

 

Lapis walked to the road, blinking back tears the first minutes, until giving up and let the sobs take her whole while she walked, her insides a whirlwind of emotions: anger, pain, sadness, guilt, all fighting to be the only one remaining in Lapis’s heart, she felt broken, she felt without salvation, Lapis felt ashamed of snapping at the blonde, who’s words and action only showed care and respect, but her rational mind wasn’t in control anymore, and Lapis let her emotions sweep her away, until she was at the side of the road, cold settled in her body, just covered by an armless shirt and short pants, her body’s exterior matched the same coldness her interior had been feeling for the last twenty days, everything losing meaning, until she saw two lights at the horizon, coming fast and stopping in front of her, Lapis took the first step into the bus and also the first step back into the hell of “Empire City” _._

* * *

 

Peridot was just a stone statue in the entrance of the barn, no feelings, no thoughts, just a statue, like seeing Medusa right into her eyes, Peridot was a stone statue, cold and empty of life, the blonde saw a tint of blue walk as far as her feet could take her, Peridot watched as a bus stopped at the road, Peridot felt how Lapis put herself into the bus, Peridot felt how Lapis left her, a stone statue.

 

Peridot didn’t knew if seconds, minutes or years passed before her mind went back into her body, one less than logical thought in her mind, _“Find Lapis, ask for forgiveness”_ , it was an impossible mission, between here and “Empire City” there was at least 4 cities, with innumerable little towns in between, she could be anywhere, even without counting the endless cities in all the country, Lapis could be anywhere but Peridot holded a little beacon of hope inside her, I mean… Facebook existed no?, Peridot could find her.

 

Peridot’s body meanwhile reacted on his own, moving frantically through the barn, getting all her stuff together and spending no seconds in closing it and walking in the footsteps of the bluenette, in her own way to “Empire City”.

* * *

 

Peridot’s arrival to her dorm was quick, the sun starting to blossom in the sky, her hand darting quickly between her clothes looking for the key for the damned door before her, Phone hasn’t stopped ringing since the moment she had reception, but her mind wasn’t interested in that, she knew Pearl and Amethyst were worried and may, or may not ,filled her voice mail and SMS with shit, but it wasn’t the moment to answer any of it.

 

“Clodding keys where the fuck did I put them!?”.

 

Peridot jumped in surprise when her door opened by herself, showing her own physical nightmare inside.

 

“Don’t wake me up ever again” was the first reaction of a girl her size, long purple hair, looking at her with half closed eyes.

 

“AMETHYST?, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?”.

 

“PERIDOT!” a boy smaller than her, curly dark hair jumped from inside the room to her arms hugging her, “I was so worried about you, you didn’t tell anyone you were leaving!”.

 

“And you know we do care” A taller, athletic girl appeared behind Amethyst, her face a light frown filled with worry, Pearl was like the mother of their group, her worry almost always seen in her expressions and often she voiced those thoughts, to Peridot, Pearl was specially important, her friendship developed from a rivality in almost every aspect, then finding so many mutual things that they became close friends rather quick, so the blonde supposed she should have expected this from Pearl, if she was running away without telling anyone.

 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it” she left Steven in the ground, walking inside her room, seeing a taller black woman asleep in her bed, “How does Garnet not wake up with that scream?”.

“You know she is a heavy sleeper Peridot, not even the earthquake woke her up months ago” Pearl said matter of factly.

 

Steven ran up to Peridot hugging her again before she left her backpack in the end of the bed, sitting in her desktop and turning on the laptop that rested there, “Steven, why are you so damn persistent?”.

 

“I have to go, but I wanted to hug you again” He said walking away slowly with a sad look in her face, brown eyes focused at Peridot, “I missed you”.

 

The blonde tried to be mad with him, but that adorable face was, as always, too much for her so she just ruffled her hair, “I missed you too”.

 

His eyes grew as stars before nodding and turning away, exclaiming a big bye while he runned away, Peridot then noticed Garnet waking up and giving her a pair of thumbs up as a welcome, before turning to look to Lapis in Facebook at least, “Does anyone know where is Steven going?”.

 

Pearl’s voice was clear as always, but the words were unexpected, the ones Peridot knew she wanted to listen “Another friend of him disappeared this week too, I think her name is Lapis... Lapis Lazuli”.

 

The only sound made after that was the chair smashing the ground.

* * *

 

Lapis stayed on the bus station, hid on a bathroom for hours, when she saw the sun outside she finally decided to walk home, someone had promised her he would be there the moment she arrived, having contacting him as soon as she had signal, but he wasn’t anywhere, Lapis’s thoughts wandered like her feet, slowly, very slowly, one step after one step, like the ground was falling down and she needed to be careful not to fall, exploding like that before Peridot, just from a single worried question, was haunting her like a ghost, a stalking shadow, right behind her every step of the way, Lapis train of thought was conducted by two things, “ _Did Peridot truly care? Was she genuinely concerned about my well being?”_ and “ _If she was worried, Would Peridot forgive me for running away?”_ , Lapis felt guilt start to creep up from her feet engulfing her whole body a couple of steps later, Peridot, the small blonde, with a weird hair and thick glasses, had managed to get inside Lapis’s heart, and this feeling was killing her inside, caught in between those feelings the bluenette didn’t heard a high pitched voice calling for her .

 

“LAPIS!!!!” it was the sudden movement, a small push from behind, being trapped in two arms wrapping her waist, that made Lapis notice the small boy who had been following her god knows how much.

 

“Steven!... You were not in the station” Lapis turned around in the boy’s embrace, putting her hand behind his neck, hugging him tightly, trying to share part of the pain and guilt with the little boy, like Steven’s embrace often did, she felt accompanied with him, he was her only friend, remaining at least.

 

“I needed to do something before” The voice lowered because his head was tight against the shirt Lapis was wearing, “How are you?”

 

“Meh, I’ve been better” Lapis’s hands fell to her sides taking a long look at the boy in front of him, “What something more important than your summer fun bud?” Lapis laugh at the nickname Steven had given her when they met.

 

“Another friend disappeared, just like you” Steven’s eyes shrank with worry, taking a step back, “But, where were you?”.

 

“I was in a barn, someone I met there invited me to stay... her name was... Peridot, she’s blon-”.

  
If Steven jaw could hit the ground, you would be able to hear the thump against the floor anywhere in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the episode I've been more worried to write, the conflict may seem forced to someone and that is a risk I'm willing to take, because it's something similar that I've experienced with someone, I hope you like this episode, I really do, and any comments or suggestions or typos you can find, as always, I'm grateful for them.
> 
> PS: Are you ready to meet a part of the families next episode?


	5. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Blood  
> TW for Family Violence

Her feet took her slowly as Lapis cracked the door open,  _ “Welp, I’m home” _ , a black small house greeted her, each room darkest than the last, like a cave, sounds bouncing on the walls, slowly but surely filling the void, Lapis’s feet took her through the corridor, the kitchen and the mountain of dirty plates in the sink, the bluenette kept walking in the dark, thick curtains covering the windows, making, as always, day into night inside of the house, Lapis arrived in front of the mirror in the hallway, a secret door to their basement hidden behind, she kept her gaze on the reflection, broken in pieces by the many fractures in the surface, all born of rage and punches, blue eyes staring her back in so many angles and Lapis started to feel like she was falling once again, before the fall took her, she used all her anger and pain focusing one punch to the remaining glass, shattering it once again, Lapis took her fist with the other hand and kept walking, feeling a warm liquid starting to drip from her knuckles, she saw the opened door to her mother bedroom, but she just kept on walking, not wanting to start a pointless conversation, Lapis felt into her own bed the second she opened her bedroom’s door, backpack falling slowly, first to her side and then into a mountain of dirty clothes, Lapis didn't turned on the light nor opened the curtains, she kept her face on the pillow and allowed the blood to stain the covers a little, Lapis’s thoughts flew off into the words of the little boy besides her maybe an hour ago.

 

“Y-y-y-you know PERIDOT!?” Steven’s jaw began to move again after a minute of hanging limply.

 

“Wait, you know Peridot?” she pointed at the kid, “Peridot Olivine, blonde spiky hair, cut-” Lapis corrected herself almost immediately, “Green eyes, glasses”.

 

“She’s part of the Crystal Gems, you know? My friends” Lapis cracked a smile at the name Steven gave her group of friend so long ago, before meeting Lapis, she knew about their existence, but never had the time to know any of them, “I’ve told you all about her!” the boy waited for a response that never came, so he decided to keep questioning the bluenette “Where were you Lapis?”.

 

“You know Steven… it doesn't even matter” Lapis put a hand in her face and turned around, walking faster than before, “Just… Go with Peridot... I’ll see you later”.

 

Steven ran up to follow her and be at her side, every step of Lapis were two or even three of him, but the little boy didn’t relented, staying as close as Lapis as he could, “Lapis, Why are you running away?”.

 

“It doesn’t matter Steven” Lapis stopped suddenly, turning and putting her hands in the kid’s shoulder, lowering her body to keep the eyes at the same level, “I need to be alone... go and spend time with Peridot, or wherever, I just need time to think” Lapis hugged him quickly before leaving him again, this time she didn’t listen the footsteps following her.

 

Lapis felt a sting in her hand, as the adrenaline levels went back to normal, and she saw a piece of glass between her fingers, cold, piercing through her skin and stopping the blood flow, Lapis slowly and painfully took the mirror’s piece out, and looked as the blood started flowing again, she walked to her bathroom, taking a towel and wrapping it in her hand, allowing it to soak the blood slowly, Lapis walked to her bed and sat down, back against the wall, pillow over her lap, hands in the towel, thoughts in the blonde.

 

Lapis eyes started watering the moment she felt Steven wasn’t there, with every step her vision became blurrier than the last, until nothing remained but an image coated in water, Lapis knew the way to her house, Lapis didn't needed to see to get there, so she kept her eyes down, looking the tears colliding with the ground under her.

 

Peridot became a confusing figure, Peridot her savior against Peridot the questioning, Peridot the one who allowed her to live with her, without knowing anything against Peridot who asked the worst question at the worst moment, Lapis’s guilt became to overcome any other feeling, Peridot came back to the city out of nowhere, Peridot came back looking for her?, Peridot came back as quickly as she could… does that means that Peridot cares? She does… She doesn’t, and Lapis knew she didn’t wanted to break again in front of the blonde, maybe, she didn’t wanted to see her ever again.

 

When Lapis opened her eyes again the light of dawn hit her eyes directly, wind passing through the half open window, moving the curtains, cheeks stained with tears once again, and the bluenette in the same position she sat last time she was conscious, just colder than before, Lapis standed up, leaving the towel in her dirty clothes pile, and walked to the kitchen, feeling light sobs on the way.

 

“Hi mother, I need to go to class, I’ll see you later” were all the words Lapis said before walking through the entrance door as quickly as she could, that, though, didn’t stopped the voice coming out, melodic, slow, collected in between all the sobs, the pain and the chaos reigning in both of her lives.

 

“Goodbye” Blue Diamond said as Lapis closed the door behind her, same clothes as before, no backpack and no intention to go anywhere… Lapis started to run, because in that dream the tears weren’t spilled for her father, this nightmares had two green eyes staring at her for the first time.

* * *

 

Peridot turned in her bed once again, all her friends were gone so she could get some shuteye, she was exhausted, both physically and mentally, her body a tired mess, and her mind a tangled ball of thoughts, Peridot didn’t understood one thing though, she was utterly tired, but the way her brain tried to work to disentangle that confusing ball didn’t allowed her to rest even a little bit, the blonde barraged her friends with questions about Lapis, but their answers were vague at best, they didn’t knew her, but what they had listened from Steven was nothing that she didn’t already knew, the hope in the heart of Peridot grew stronger each answer though, that meant that Lapis lived here, that she could ask for forgiveness, it meant that the possibility to see the bluenette again was high, more if it was a friend of Steven, but, What should she say?, How to ask her anything again?, Would Lapis explode again if she saw her?, all those questions started to pill up, an endless mountain inside the mind of the blonde, Peridot turned around again in her bed, and again, and again, Peridot turned around again until she realized she couldn’t sleep anymore, because the moment she closed her eyes, blue angry and disappointed ones welcomed her within the shadows.

 

Peridot turned the TV and her console on and started playing, at least it was something distracting, focusing all the anger and tension into one thing seemingly always worked, even though it was frustrating when her rage flew out of control because she failed on everything the screen showed,  _ “You Died”  _ once and again, to be honest,  _ “Dark Souls III” _ was pretty frustrating too, it was the only realization she could make of it, Peridot closed her eyes after the fifth time the same seven letters appeared in the same spot and thought about throwing the control away, but the three broken ones in the floor deterred her from that, Peridot felt a loud knock in the door and stood up, walking and opening it, she wasn’t ready to be surprised twice by the other side of a door today.

 

A blonde mane of incontrolable long hair, brown eyes under two big eyebrows, muscular toned body, covered by a sleeveless shirt, right arm with a whirlwind pattern of darker skin, vitiligo as Peridot learned a long time ago, taller, by almost two heads, with disdain and disinterest in her attitude, her big full lips started moving, “Hi, little sister”.

 

“Hello Jasper?... What are you doing here?” Peridot voice was low after the surprise, but with a kind of rhythm, it was better than the wavering voice she used to use with the other blonde, vocal cords paralyzed with fear, her only tool was to try and keep that rhythm to not get mocked by her sister.

 

“Couldn’t I come without a reason?” Full steam ahead, Jasper’s body pushed Peridot to allow herself entrance, leg kicking Peridot’s left one bringing a painful hiss to her mouth, “I missed my lil’ plaything”.

 

Peridot kept herself in the same place, muscles fully tensed and one hand motioning the exit, she just wanted to crouch and see her knee but she couldn’t show weakness in front of Jasper, “I don't believe you… Did mom asked you to come?”.

 

Jasper looked at the TV, “Yes, she wants to know why you don't come home anymore, she says that she misses you and that she wants to know where you go when you don't attend classes”.

 

Fear froze Peridot for a moment, both hands covering quickly her neck and almost folding herself in two, covering her body in a reflect act, at least that was what Peridot wanted to do, her conscious mind hardly containing her body, Jasper just chuckled at the reaction, “So she knows…” barely a whisper left Peridot’s mouth.

 

“She does, and you know she’s pissed off” Jasper growled looking to find anything good on the TV screen.

 

Peridot mind went to overdrive, Does she knows where am I staying?, Does she knows about all the trips?, Does she knows about Lapis?, having to hold harder the door with one hand, trying to stop the unrelenting tremble, Peridot took a full minute before standing up fully again, fear eating her inside, but voice firm when she talked, “Jasper, I want you gone, Now”.

 

Jasper took a look in disbelief, one eyebrow raised and hand in the control, turning her head but changing channels in the meantime, “What did you said  _ Runt _ ?”.

 

That nickname was the final straw needed to broke Peridot, anger as she didn’t knew filler her and the world turned black, just as Lapis had done just last night, Peridot tried to snap but once she saw the eyes focused on her, she lost all the will to continue, because Peridot didn’t found brown eyes staring her back, instead two ambar ones had the same look as always, disappointment, mouth hanging useless, Peridot could only watch as Jasper continued to change the channels.

 

“That’s what I thought” the TV turned off and the muscular woman stood up slowly, first putting her big hands in her own knees before turning away to look at the smaller one, “Thank you, you kept the door opened for me” a sarcastic low tone kept ringing in Peridot’s ears as Jasper walked to her, kicking her again in the leg, this time with more force, enough to make Peridot fall to the ground, holding her knee almost immediately, “Goodbye weakling” with those words Jasper disappeared in the hallway, leaving Peridot in the same position.

 

Until Pearl found her in the ground, the door remained opened and the green eyes focused on nothing, holding her knee as close to her chest as she could.

* * *

 

“Classes on Sunday, Who the hell uses classes as an excuse on Sunday” Lapis kicked the water under her feet, exhausted, she looked at her reflect on the water, little waves passing over her own image, as she tried to let go of everything, the local lake was well known ,but often it was almost comically empty, and Lapis’s escape was to sink her feet in the water and wait, the cold sensation quickly turning natural, the weight on her feet disappearing and Lapis focusing in nothing, looking at herself, at her changes, at her damned face.

 

Peridot was present even though Lapis didn't wanted to think about the blonde, sometimes between the waves she spotted a blur of green or yellow, she could even see Peridot, crouched at her side, an angry frown in her eyebrows and a frustrated look in her eyes, Lapis wasn’t ready to face the smaller girl again, and didn’t wanted her thoughts to keep drifting in her direction.

 

With the weight of the world now placed in the water instead of her shoulders, Lapis leaned her body back and fell asleep in the grass, hoping for a dreamless rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Characters! As always, any typo or suggestion or really any kind of comment is appreciated, I wanna know what you think about this story!


	6. Gift

7 AM, monday morning, alarm ringing, and Peridot looking at the ceiling, she didn't wanted to go to classes, but she knew she was forced to, her eyes opening, darting through the darkness around her, slowly but surely getting use to the lack of light, Peridot didn’t slept well once again, it was a miracle though, a dreamless night, but even so, she couldn’t sleep as well as she wanted, or as much as she did, going to her bathroom to get a shower she noticed the calendar in the wall, sleepily she found out four red days at the end of this week, an unexpected long weekend, Peridot opened her eyes quickly, as the gears started turning, working as a swiss clock since the moment she saw the possibility, gears moving at her fastest potency all the time, before she was underwater, in the shower, and ever after.

 

_ “Probably he’s asleep” _ , were the thoughts of the blonde as the phone kept ringing, over and over, at least 14 missing calls, while she walked in the cold morning, her way to class, Peridot’s body on autopilot, moving her around the campus, going to every class, taking notes, doing everything a normal student does, her thoughts, on the other hand, were placed on the small boy who never answered his phone, one of the lasts things she needed for her plan: “ _ Operation: Lapis Lazuli (Title, definitely, in Progress)”,  _ a few hours later, probably at the hundredth (or even more) call, a sleepy voice came from the other side of the speaker.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Steven, It's Peridot” her voice fastly going through the words, in an almost desperate manner.

 

“Peridot? Why are you calling so ear-”

 

“It doesn't matter Steven!, I know what I must do!, I need you help tho, Where are you?”

 

“Sleeping?, In my house?” His questioning tone rose as he started to catch up with what the blonde has said, his mind working at his slowest pace, behind a mist of sleepiness.

 

“Can I come?, No… I have classes” Steven laughed at the words, one of the things he loved of Peridot was her inability to not talk about her thoughts when she was stressed, “Why are you laughing? You clod, Will you come to see Pearl today?”

 

“Peridot... you lost me… Explain me please?” A small grunt came from the other side, Steven knew that in a normal situation Peridot would have ignored his question and kept going, but this time she needed his help, when the time just ticked and the blonde didn’t said a word he decided to take a guess before the blonde talked, “It’s this about Lapis?” his voice with a tint of tease.

 

Her hand holding the phone felt a rush of hotness in her cheek, as her mouth just stopped, all things she wanted to say to him collapsed, the only thing staying a low, “... Yes” Peridot was ready to hear laughter from the boy, but his tone came much more serious than she anticipated.

 

“I’m going to Funland with Amethyst, Can you come?” voice really more worried than she expected, stoic even, “We’ll be there at 5”

 

“I’ll see you there, bye” With that Peridot cut the call, in between all her ideas the worriedness came back, Steven’s attitude tended to be gently and helpful, never too serious, never worried or even stressed, not as his voice sounded before she ended the call, What happened to Lapis to make even Steven so worried?, the thought of the bluenette hurting scared her, she knew that, but something didn’t registered in her mind yet,  _ Why?, Why does Lapis mean so much to me? _ , Peridot hasn’t made herself that question, but probably the answer was right in her face, between her two red cheeks.

* * *

Lapis woke up again, clock at her side signaling 9:48AM, eyes red and swollen, one of the worst nightmares she had, Lapis turned around, tucking herself with the covers, trying not to think about it, but of course images runned through her head again, the cold feel of the mirror, the broken pieces snaring her inside, trapping her reflection, a street without ending, endless walls at her side, reflecting her infinitely, without having anywhere to escape, she felt powerless, knowing that even if she did, she knew what would happen, trapped inside the mirror, caught inside the consequences and the guilt, Lapis lost between all those copies of herself, looking with disgust at her body, though every angle available, Lapis feeling like she trapped herself inside, behind the cold glances in every corner, with no escape, Lapis cried her heart out once again, falling and falling, deeper and deeper into a black space, a black hole filled with her image, Lapis closed her eyes on her dreams, and opened them in reality once again, clock 9:57AM, Lapis turned in bed once again as memories flooded her head.

* * *

 

 If Peridot could list all the things that made her angry, being unpunctual would be on the top of it, she was alone in the entrance of Funland, waiting for her friends, 5:15 in the big clock of the park, and no one she could recognize around, muttering angry words under her breath, Peridot’s thoughts started drifting again to the contents of her bag, and the little thing she was doing with her hands, little waxed threads between her fingers, frustrating her to no end, she kept looking around, her mind focused on the little twirls she needed to do with her hands, out of the blue she felt two little hands wrapping around her waist from behind, and immediately she knew Steven was there.

 

“What took you so long?” an angry growl came from her mouth, with no answer back, instead the boy dragged her between the attractions, forcing her to save the threads in her pocket, in between all the hijinks of Steven Peridot managed to say hello to Amethyst, following them closely and laughing at everything the boy forced Peridot to do, after a while, specifically after Peridot won her tenth Alien thingie for her fingers, Steven took them to a bench, sitting at Peridot’s side, leaving the blonde in the middle.

 

“Steven” said Peridot trying unsuccessfully to catch her breath, “Why are we doing this?”.

 

“You looked sad, and I wanted to see you smile” the boy answered, showing her teeth in an ear to ear grin, Peridot looked at Steven, dumbfounded, realizing she was smiling broadly, for god knows how much time, free of her guilt and worry, without thinking too much about the blue girl who stole everything else of her mind.

 

Peridot put her arms around the head of the boy and hugged him tightly, trying to convey her gratitude in one of the only gestures she refrained to use, they kept hugging for a few seconds, Steven’s arms around her waist and behind her backpack, Peridot calm and collected arms around the fluffy hair, “Thank you Steven” She whispered.

 

“Nooooow…” Steven pulled himself away, looking at her directly, “Let's talk about Lapis”.

 

If Peridot could rewrite the list of things that made her angry, that question would be on top now, the instant blush in her face was troublesome, Steven’s smile and the pitch he used to mention Lapis’s name, Amethyst having new material to tease her, like Steven just did, at least for a year or even more, her eyes went directly to the ground, listening to the girl at her side laugh loudly, Peridot took her backpack on front and got a blank sheet out, handing it over to the boy, “Steven, I need your help”.

* * *

 

It was Wednesday, late in the afternoon, this week being nothing but trouble for the blue haired girl, going to the lake, going to classes, at least the ones she didn’t forgot, coming back home, sleepi-, trying to sleep in the nights, repeat at least three times.

 

“Is that you Lapis?” Blue Diamond’s voice rose up from the dark house.

 

“Yes” Only a low whisper came of her mouth, her mom only being able to listen it because the silence reigning as always in the house.

 

“How did it went today?” She appeared, white hair, taller than Lapis, little bags under her eyes, red from crying, careful chosen clothes, pain and loneliness in her look.

 

“Same as always” A dismissive murmur is the only thing that she could use, she didn't want to see her face, because it made her remember the good days, the old days, the time when everything was going according to plan, Lapis didn't wanted to see her mother and feel that she was the guilty one for destroying both of her lives, so she did what she always do, play it dismissive, evade her at all cost, go to bed muttering some excuse, “I’m tired” said the bluenette the moment she saw her mom on the way to her room, “Can I go to sleep?”.

 

No word, but a little sob came from Blue Diamond, leaving the minimum space she could to let Lapis pass, after that, she went into her own room and sat on her bed, staring a big picture at the other side, a little brunette girl sitting in a bench, a green park behind them, a tall man, with brown eyes and long black hair, and a woman at the other side, she could see the resemblance with herself, just a fifteen or so years younger, as always, Blue Diamond kept looking at her past, a mere trance, just to keep time passing by.

 

Lapis curled into fetal position, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night, at least, not sleep without nightmares, she felt powerless against them, made even worse since she came back, maybe the fight with Peridot took a bigger toll on her than what she wanted, Wasn’t that supposed to make her feel better?, Exploding in front of someone and saying the things she really wanted?, Being truthful, sincere?, Not keeping anything inside?, Why did it feel more trapping?, Why did she felt the walls of her cell were closing out on her, crushing her soul in every direction?, Lapis let out a long sigh, looking at the wall before closing her eyes, thinking on the afraid look on the smaller girl before she turned her back on her, “Why I want to see you again?” between her first tears her mouth moved, she had hurt Peridot, she didn't deserved to ask for forgiveness to a girl that gave up her own space for her, a cute and gentle girl that gave her a bed and a space to live, Lapis didn't wanted to face the consequences of her acts, but her heart screamed for her to go, go and look for the blonde, go and talk with her, giving up, with closed eyes, Lapis decided that if she couldn't fall asleep in the next hour, she would marathon “Camp Pinning Hearts” in the living room, pretending her blonde companion, or ex-companion, was at the other side of the sofa.

* * *

 

Peridot double checked the piece of paper Steven gave her, looking around her if she was in the correct place, her usual backpack at one side, ready to go to the barn after the last thing she needed to do in the city, by her calculations the place she looked for should be nearby, Peridot kept on walking, searching for one particular house, hidden in the labyrinth that was a bad planned city, bag at her side, a little box with a card on the other.

 

It took Peridot almost an eternity to find the little street where she lived, hidden between two tall buildings, close to a park, a set of little cute houses, Peridot looked carefully at the address of every house, finally finding the place she looked for, leaving the bag behind, she pushed the fence’s door a bit, unsurprisingly it did nothing, the blonde started to look everywhere for something to ring, but it seemed like luck wasn't on her side this day, but she wasn't going to give up, mustering all her strength and courage, she did what she hated, Peridot scream loud and clear to anyone, Who was she trying to lie to?, she screamed for Lapis, trying to reach her behind that ominous door.

 

“Lapis are you there!?” taking a deep breath she continued, “Look… I’m sorry!, I made you something!!” voice pitching up from the scream she ended up whispering, “I hope you can forgive me...”.

 

Peridot left the box at the door, and waited patiently for what it seemed like an eternity, no one came, as her hearing became more and more accurate she listen a TV talking inside, with unrecognizable sound, but not the sound she wanted, not the sounds of feets walking to the entrance, Peridot kept waiting, until she couldn’t keep her act, tears starting in the corner of her eyes, she turned around, finally giving up, but noticing something with the corner of her eyes, Peridot kept walking away, until she took the bus, her way to the barn, and hoping that maybe… maybe it wasn’t her mind playing tricks with her, because she could swear she saw a blur of blue watching her from behind the windows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Always, any comment is appreciated, suggestions, tips or typos, anything c:


	7. Chance

A blanket spread over her shoulders as the cold night greeted her, Lapis knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, and she was awake the moment the screams outside began, she walked to the window and tried to move the curtains, as the voice of Paulette filled the living room, _“But Paulette, I need you!”,_ Lapis hand moved them a little bit, allowing her to watch with one eye outside, Peridot, her little ex-companion kneeling at her door, leaving a little box and a card, trying to balance them on the doorstep, hands covered in gloves, a long scarf in her neck, touching the ground with one end, blonde mane hidden behind her green hoodie, glasses almost falling, at the top of her nose, forcing her eyes, or the only eye she was able to see, to focus intensely in the way she put the box, little silhouette made even smaller at her position, waiting for the door to open, Lapis’s heart swelled at the view, the person she had been thinking of, six, maybe seven, steps away, the only thing she needed to do was to open the door, but a voice inside stopped her, her words loud and clear, a commanding tone she was used to months ago, _“You don’t deserve her forgiveness”,_ Lapis didn't knew if it was the memories of the past, brought by the way the words came, or that the same words echoed her feelings, Lapis stayed in the same position, watching through the window, as Peridot, with tears on her eyes, turn away and left, even after she wasn’t there, Lapis stayed inside the house, listening the bickering coming from the TV, still showing reruns of an 80’s drama, after an eternity, with a blanket spread over her shoulders, the cold night greeted her as she took the things Peridot left and closed the door, feeling defeated.

 

Spinning under the covers didn’t brought any sleep to the bluenette, neither help her cause, trying not to look at the box haunting her from the other side of the room, after picking it up, Lapis tried to keep watching “Camp Pining Hearts”, but some tears didn’t allowed her to understand what happened on the screen, as her hands gripped firmly the gift of Peridot, a little box wrapped in a white paper, blue ribbon on top, Lapis could see there was a card wrapped on the bottom, the length of the box, with Peridot’s messy handwriting on top, “To Lapis”, after turning off the TV, Lapis found herself in the dark, hands moment by moment holding the box, tightly every second, mind in a blank state, thinking about nothing and everything, finally the cold ambient caught to her, forcing her to bed, to the unwelcoming covers that brought a warm bed, but a sleepless rest, or a dark nightmarish one, Lapis looked at the box from the other side and smiled to herself a little, because just now she realised that Peridot felt guilty, that she came to apologize for Lapis’s own faults, that came in her awkward way to scream in the middle of the night outside a door that might, or might not, be hers, to bring a gift, Lapis closed her eyes with a smile, thinking about the cute blonde and her green eyes, and tried to sleep with her memory on top, don't minding the echo in the back of her head, telling her once and again, _“You don't deserve her”._

 

A loud ring woke Lapis, a phone vibrating on her nightstand, she felt the impulse of throwing it to the other side of the room, but as she saw the contact on the screen, she decided to pick up.

 

“Lapis, are you awake?”

 

“Yes?... Did something happened Steven?”

 

“No, I just wanted to know if you talked with Peridot” Lapis couldn’t stop little giggles as she understood how Peridot found her house, walking towards the desk, Lapis noticed it was early morning outside.

 

“So it was your plan”

 

“No, it was all Peridot’s” the line on pause as Lapis picked the gift at the other side of the call, noticing she wasn’t talking, Steven decided to push a little, “Did the both of you talked yester-”

 

“Why do you trust her Steven?” Lapis felt curious about Steven’s reasons, he was friendly, but to do something like this he needed a lot of trust in the littler girl.

 

“Because I know her, she really changed after meeting us, she was a lot more lonelier before, like you… She… She’s really sorry you know?... She asked me not to call you, but… I want you two keep talking!” his voice broke a little, worriness started to overtake the boy, “You are always alone, and Peridot is good… She didn’t wanted to tell me what happened, she just said she made a big mistake, and that you didn’t heard her…”.

 

Lapis could only respond with silence as the boy continued, her mind buzzing with unwanted feelings, every moment hands closer to open the box, failing always at the last second, the raspy voice as a mantra kept gunning her down with relentless _“You don't DESERVE HER!”_ , Lapis kept in silence, hands on the gift and phone in her ear.

 

“... You’re not even giving her a chance, You should have at least gotten to know her before you decided to ignore her!, Lapis… she did all of this for you…” It was a wall falling down at those words from Steven, the bluenette remembered Peridot, her gentle touch, her little screams of happiness, her joyful attitude, the way she cared for everything and even let her the bed, Peridot’s own bed, just for her to rest… and how the voice of her “Summer Fun Bud” made her took the first step.

 

“Thank you Steven... bye” Letting the phone drop to the ground after ending the call, Lapis took the blue ribbon and pulled away, she left the little box on her desk, as she opened the letter.

* * *

 

This trip became harder and harder by the minute, as Peridot woke in _“Beach City”_ with a sore throat and red eyes, knowing full well a flu was starting to develop inside her, maybe going out with wet hair in the cold mornings wasn’t that good, and also waiting outside a house for almost fifteen minutes at the coldest point of the night may affect her health, Peridot didn’t had any medicine or anything to take in the barn, but she made a promise to wait there, at least for this weekend, if Lapis decided to show her face there; Peridot was certain she would not yield, not to sickness or any other thing, she would wait Lapis in the barn, she left the bus, she needed go there, she would wait for Lapis, hoping she would listen, but the walk was long, and her body ached for rest, real rest, Peridot kept forcing her body to go, step by step, one after the other until she reached the barn, her back hurt, hey eyes closed themselves and she started to lost feeling in her legs, as the place appeared in the horizon, a smirk did on her lips, just before taking an unlucky step, tripping in a rock and falling to the ground, Peridot let everything fall as she clutched her left knee, the sharp pain overtaking everything in her mind as she hugged her leg to her body, just as she had done on Sunday, but this time Pearl wasn’t there to get her out of the trance, Peridot stayed on place, feeling how her body became numb to the pain, touching her feet, trying to find out if anything was wrong, Peridot stayed feeling conquered by the agony, a little girl in the middle of nowhere, waiting for someone who maybe will come, probably not, if their last meeting was any indication, Peridot closed her eyes, feeling like giving up, until she heard Lapis’s voice in the back of her mind, _“Thank you Peridot”_ , not a memory, not a vision, the distinct voice of the bluenette saying something that she didn’t expected to hear, Peridot opened her eyes and started to get up again, she will get to the barn, she will wait for Lapis, she would do it for her.

* * *

 

Lapis sat up against the wall, fidgeting with a green and blue mess of bracelet, deciding her next steps, the card was open on her desk, taunting her with the drawing, the box opened revealing the bracelet in Lapis’s hands, _“Lapis”,_ she started to remember the header of the card, _“I hope you don't mind the lack of noses, Steven did the outside and I did this, the inside.”_ Lapis could even hear those words with the blonde voice, a little smile painting her lips as she choose her right arm, _“I messed up, I understand if you don’t want to see me again, I didn’t mean to ask... but I was worried, I hope we can be friends… I want to be your friend.”_ Opening her curtains she allowed the light to paint her room, as the reflect started to illuminate her new bracelet, knowing fully her meaning, _“Do you remember episode 18?, we had the same reaction to Percy’s gift… He should seriously made another friendship bracelet no?, well, I decided to do one for you… I hope you don't mind”_ Lifting her arm, Lapis saw how the light passed through the threads, it was clearly Peridot’s first attempt to do this, but at the same time it warmed her heart, the fact that the blonde decided to do something for her, even if she didn't deserved it, even if she was the guilty party, because she should have listen, she should have stayed there… _“I’ll be at the barn this weekend, waiting for you, I hope you can forgive me. Peridot.”_ _Silly,_ Lapis thought, _You should forgive me_ , Lapis closed her eyes thinking about all that had happened in the last hours, Peridot at her doorstep, Steven’s Call, the letter, the gift, a cute, little girl, waiting for her in the middle of nowhere, offering her sorry to an unknown person, who treated her like shit, and even as the voice kept going in her interior, Lapis was determined for once, Lapis took her backpack and closed the door from the outside.

* * *

 

Sleeping at her arrival was the choice she took, Peridot woke up in the middle of the afternoon feeling better, her throat still in pain, but her body less heavy; After eating something, she took her first idle moment of the week, watching the sky outside the barn, clouds like algodon painting the blue, mixing their substance with the atmosphere, Peridot started to think about all the stuff she did this week, frantic since Lapis left this place, classes going fast and furious, her, Peridot Olivine, writing, for the first time, a letter, doing crafts for god sake, she heard a little growl came out her mouth, that wasn’t Peridot, she didn’t make gifts, she wasn’t a sweetheart, What was different with the blue haired girl?, What prompted Peridot to do all this stuff?, it wasn’t like she was a big friend, she just met her less than a week before, but she felt right to do all this stuff for Lapis, groaning in frustration, she couldn’t understand herself, How… attracted? She felt, like gravity, a tractor beam, pulling Peridot to Lapis’s orbit, pulling her into and deeper every second, but she had never felt this about anyone else, it wasn’t like before, it wasn’t like any time she felt attracted to someone, this was different, she definitely didn't knew Lapis, she stayed a few days under the same roof as the blonde, they exchanged words, food, but they both kept her own lives, except the moments they shared watching “Camp Pining Hearts”, Peridot’s memories of that were vivid in her mind, she repeating dialog from the actors as Lapis was merely focused on the action, immerse in it, like she was there in the camp, like her eyes were the camera and her job was to capture every perfect moment and frame, an image stroke Peridot’s core, Lapis, lips tightly closed, blue hair starting to fall over her eyes, blue, like the deepest of seas, shining with the screen’s light, slender neck half covered by the blanket around her body, focusing in her favorite scene, mouthing the only thing she ever heard Lapis say as she watched the show, answering to her unasked question, _“Go make another friendship bracelet”_ Peridot said _, “Yeah, seriously”_ , they were only two words, lost in infinity, meaningless for anyone else who wasn’t her, this girl, this unknown goddess, sharing feelings about an old show with her, Peridot opened her eyes, noticing how she felt asleep on the ground, blues changing for greys and reds, as the clouds became preponderant part of the sky, the rain was coming, she noticed, What kind of rain would it be?.

 

The barn was colder than she thought, but better than outside, Peridot did was she always did in this situations, she made herself a cup of coffee and jumped on the stairs two steps at a time, she moved around the cushions on her sofa, creating a kind of fort, an impassable barrier against the cold exterior, and she entered with the bed’s covers on one hand, TV control on the other, ready to have the best CPH marathon while the skies cried out, she let her mind be engulfed by the passing images as her fort hold a warm sensation inside, Peridot didn’t knew how much time passes until one of the worst episodes of the series started, the three-legged race one, as her anger came in full force because that clod of Paulette made Percy lose the race, she screamed to the screen.

 

“PAULETTE YOU CLOD!!”.

 

No little laughter, no reaction, nothing at all as Peridot turned away, a ghost image of a bluenette looking at her, a smirk in her face, an illusion in her side, blue eyes focused on Peridot, but Lapis wasn’t there, she was just a miracle in the wind, and Peridot was unsure those times would come back someday, as a tear started to roll through her cheek, a loud sound shocked her body, the barn door opening and a shining light directly into the screen.

 

“Peridot, Are you there?”

 

A second tear started to fall, but this time it wasn’t sadness the cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel really self conscious about this episode, I really feel like I wrote a little OoC, but I couldn't find where; In all I like it, but I feel is maybe one of the weakest episodes I've wrote for this, and I've been modifying it since almost a month, just have that in mind; Next chapter is going to be better and, little spoilers, fluffier, than anything here, I hope you give this and the next one a chance.
> 
> As always, any kind of comment about suggestions, typos or even what you think about this story, is appreciated.


	8. Hope

Lapis hoped the situation about to develop inside the barn wasn’t like the reigning weather outside, chaotic, full of blacks and greys, almost ready to rain; When she saw the barn, she started to quickly run towards it, before everything inside made her gave up on her decision, reaching the door, the handle, and pulling it with all her strength, thunderous sound filling the insides, reverberating on the walls, Lapis noticed a bright light on the second floor, a little sound of well known voices coming through the air, her chance was at her fingertips, opening her lips she tried to call, but no voice came out, in what could be only a second she tried to raise her voice over and over again, but no hint of any kind of noise came out, Lapis closed her eyes and she screamed with all her might, her soul dripping in those words, sounds that came out finally.

 

“Peridot, Are you there?!”

 

Nothing happened for a split moment, the TV still on play, the atmosphere on the barn trapped inside a photograph, frozen, a structure over the sofa, builded with all the cushions, no one coming out, until it just happened, Lapis’s heart swelled under a look that she didn’t knew needed that much, a blonde face peeking her head out the “Fort”, unnoticeable little freckles painting her pale skin, that Lapis didn’t knew how she learned where there, blonde hair muffled by a blanket over her head, but some small chunks of it still wild, going everywhere as they always did, green eyes watered, shining even brighter for it, but bringing a sad note to the blue haired girl, the moment the eyes closed on each others, the bluenette knew her decision was the right one, a bridge was builded only by their looks, far away yet so close, and every unspoken feeling of the last days was transmitted as her body jumped in front of the TV.

 

“Lazuli!!!” Running through the stairs never was her forte, even less the lasts years, but Peridot did, she ran towards Lapis without thinking anything, her frame against the exterior light, blue hair indmist the little bright outside, giving her an ethereal appearance, the blonde didn’t thought her actions, it just seemed natural, as natural as Steven’s ones, when she arrived at the side of her frien- companion, and clinged her little arms at her sides, trapping her in a tight hug, trying to convince herself that this was Lapis, the real Lapis.

 

The blue haired girl was shocked by her reaction, her hands frozen at the side of her body, as the blonde nuzzled her head in her chest, suddenly her arms moved by themselves, holding Peridot’s neck closer, relishing in this weird feeling inside her, the storm calm, the sandstorm stopped, the ice melting, the small girl hugged against her body, Peridot holding everything inside her form, her crumbling feelings, her desperation, her hopelessness, all inside her body, not allowing Lapis to fall, holding her against all odds.

 

“You came back” the voice of the littler girl was muffled out by the shirt, Lapis felt wetness through it, as the body of Peridot move involuntarily through some little sobs.

 

“Hey, don't cry, I’m here” She let the girl go, watching as she passed the back of her hands over her green eyes, cleaning the tears quickly, “Peridot” she put her hands on the shoulders of the girl, waiting patiently as her eyes rose to meet blue, “I’m sorry…”.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, I should understand you if you don’t want to talk abo-”.

 

“No, it was my fault, I shouldn’t explode to you like that” she let go of Peridot as she walked towards the stairs, “You didn’t deserved that, you were great to me, you helped me, you gave me a place to stay…”.

 

“I didn’t had to ask, I… understand, not wanting to talk about something, I know about people keeping secrets, and I know how much it hurts when someone unknown talks to you about them, about anything that hurts you inside” Peridot sat in the table, watching the ground, her body giving the impression of a given up girl, “I hope you can forgive me too”.

 

Lapis’s heart melted like hot chocolate, the sight of the blonde, hands intertwined, watching the ground in defeat, feeling so sorry about what she had done, about nothing truly, the bluenette couldn’t understand how Peridot’s mind worked, but it felt so good, to have someone to care that much to even ask for forgiveness in something she didn’t had fault, she blushed heavily, walking towards the hammock, hiding her face with a turn of her heels, Lapis didn’t knew how to react to any of those new emotions, she wasn’t used to people treating like that, but it felt so sweet, so good, she couldn’t help but smile to herself, “I’m… so sorry Peridot”.

 

Peridot stood up of the chair and walked towards the stairs, putting her hand in Lapis’s back, saying only four words, “Let’s go see CPH”, it seemed like neither of them were good with words, so the blonde choose another method, the best manner she had to show her feelings, turning them into episodes of an 80’s drama.

 

When Lapis came to the second floor, a few minutes later, she saw an entrance to the “Fort”, she crawled inside, finding Peridot eyes closed, hugging herself, stains of tears running through her cheeks, the bluenette took the blanket that was spreaded on the ground, and covered her small body, smiling as she press play, a low “Thank you, Peridot” escaped her lips, as the episode on screen was the same they were watching the last time they were sitting there.

 

Anyone could swear that when Lapis smiled at the side of the sleeping blonde, the sun came out again.

 

It was a cold morning when Peridot woke in one corner of the sofa, her body covered by a blanket, she didn’t knew when she fall asleep, she only remembered her tears of happiness for having her companion back, she opened her eyes and found a new image greeting her, a curled bluenette, snoring slowly, her eyes closed and, for the first time, a smile in her sleep, Peridot stood as quietly as she could, trying not to wake her… Lapis , coming downstairs and making two cups of tea.

* * *

 

It was getting late when Lapis had the idea, the sun was hidden behind black clouds as she walked towards Peridot, taking her glasses and running away.

 

“Catch me if you can!”

 

“Wait Lazuli!, I can’t see without my glass-”

 

Peridot’s voice was lower as she ran outside the barn, towards the nearby forest, hiding behind a tree at the entrance of it, it took some time for the blonde to appear, walking slowly, with fear filling her eyes, and Lapis felt instant regret as she saw her almost fall at least twice, running towards her.

 

“Is that you Lazuli?”

 

“Who else?” She handed the glasses without letting them go, she had to admit that she looked even better without her glasses, the radiant light of her eyes amplified at least a thousand times.

 

“Let go, please, I can’t see anything without my glasses” Lapis laughed a little at her angry reaction, “Like really, I need them, you are only a blur of blue in this moment, I can’t even tell where your hair begins and your eyes end”.

 

This time the laugh was full blown, the rhythmic sound of the voice filling the trees nearby, echoing through the wood, under the pale light of an almost dark night, Lapis felt something new at that moment, when she saw the blonde push her glasses through the middle, dangling from the top of the nose, moving towards her eyes, Lapis hugged Peridot, finding the words she had lost the day before, “I’m sorry I couldn’t trust you, I’m so sorry I can't be better, I have failed in everything, I… I don’t deserve to be here” soothing shush came from Peridot, as a hand found her way into her back, moving slowly up and down, the bluenette decided to stop holding her sobs and she let them out, for the first time in a long way, in front of someone else, gripping the back of the shirt of her friend, “I’m sorry you had to see me like that, I’m just… sorry, I really wanted to see you again, I really did, but I was so afraid, I thought you would hate me, I thought I would never see you again, but I’m not strong enough to come for you, I wasn’t, Thank you Peridot, Thank you for helping me”.

 

Peridot didn’t knew how to react, she allowed Lapis to cry her heart out in her shoulder, slowly helping her back, she felt happy, happy holding her back, happy making slowly circles in her shirt, whispering little things in her ear, until she felt the sobs stopping, until she was able to see her blue eyes once again, closing in green ones, it allowed Peridot to find the words she looked for, “That’s what friends are for no?”.

 

Lapis couldn't help the smile that took her features, watching as if this was the first time she crossed eyes with her, her face lit by the low light, her eyes green, shimmering as always, a blush on her face, her forehead red, her blonde hair wet… Wait, Her forehead red?, Her blonde wet hair?, Only at that moment Lapis noticed the rain falling around them, making them wetter by the moment, Lapis watched as the blonde closed her eyes, slowly, fading in her arms, Lapis put a hand in her forehead, feeling it as hot as red iron, a worried frown came to her face as she tried to carry her, almost bridal style, into the barn, without noticing something falling out of her left leg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any kind of feedback would be appreciated, Any typo you con find, or comment about the story c:


	9. Reaction

Lapis didn’t knew anymore if the little trails of water running from the blonde’s forehead were of the rain or just sweat, she felt the hotness of it, a high fever she was probably hiding, in a frenzy she got inside the barn, not as cold or wet as the outside, and her mind started to race through all her possibilities, going upside with Peridot was hard, but not impossible, she didn’t knew if there was any kind of medication inside the place, to make her feel a little better, she didn’t had anything to lower, or even try to stop, this fever, only a couple of towels and water, amidst all this chaos, she felt her friend moving a little, a little whisper coming from her mouth.

 

“Lapis?”

 

“Yes, Peridot?” Green eyes opening slowly, without focus, trying to find the blue haired girl.

 

“Let me sleep” Eyes closing after it, in pain?, Lapis didn’t knew, but they pressed together after those words, “I’ll be fin-” Again the blonde lost her consciousness, falling in the middle of her words, she decided to take her upside, a hard task, and after a while she succeeded, leaving her in the side of the bed, Peridot couldn’t sleep with those wet clothes, so she needed to find a change, she searched between her bag and got a weird alien pasted shorts and a plain black shirt, then the real hard part began, undressing her companion.

 

Lapis found Peridot enticingly attractive since the beginning, the decisiveness she showed around her, her cute face and expression, her well toned and balanced body, her hips, so she was ready to blush over and over, every time a darker shade of red, even amidst all this worriedness, she took quickly her hoodie and shirt, and immediately blushed at the body in front of her, pale skin that seemingly never saw the sun’s light, painted with little freckles all over the place, two well rounded breasts, a slim stomach, making her hips even more noticeable, she would be drooling if not by the situation, she quickly left those thoughts at the side and put the shirt over her beautiful body, then she begun with the pants.

 

If the situation was different, Lapis would have fainted after seeing such perfect body at the point of her fingertips, but this time her focus was elsewhere, in a detail she hadn’t noticed since she took Peridot in, a frown and even more worriedness took her mind as she noticed that under the blonde’s left knee was only a little clump of skin, cut and healed, no foot, no rest of leg, this time worriedness was the reason Lapis stopped,  _ How?, When?, Why?, What happened?, Where is the rest of her leg? _ , questions wondering in her mind, but she needed to be quick, so she put her shorts on the blonde and left her in bed, tucked in, on her way for towels and water.

 

She continually searched for both things, mind honestly confused about what has just happened, Peridot didn’t had a foot, that was a fact, Peridot had a high fever that she was hiding from me, second fact, a wide array of questions going through her head, the obvious ones already subdued, but still present, more complicated ones taking their place on the top and fighting for dominance,  _ What would be her reaction?, Why didn’t she told me sooner?, Where is her feet?, Does she really trust me?, _ Lapis kept digging in all the places she knew the blonde kept stuff, lost in a haze of panic.

 

A long groan took the blue haired girl out of her state, the pained voice of her companion came from upstairs, and she quickly went to her side, finding her trying to sit in the bed, face red and wet, eyes half closed in pain and mere exhaustion.

 

“Keep sleeping Peridot” with utmost care she tried to push her a little into bed, “I’ll take care of everything”.

 

“D-D-Don’t worry Lapis, I’m fine” pushing herself with her elbows, clearly muscles quivering under the strength she needed to do this.

 

“Hey, it’s ok to ask for help” A hand over her forehead, still burning beneath her palm, “Your fever is rising, you need to rest”.

 

Peridot turned her body and began to stand, falling almost instantly when she only had one foot, “Ugh… What H…” froze in place, she stood watching her feet, her inexistent leg.

 

“Peri?” a touch in her back was all she needed to trigger a ticking time bomb.

 

“DON'T TOUCH ME!!” Peri just hugged her knee, completely in the ground, sweat mixing with tears that started to flow slowly.

 

Lapis just kept her hand in her back, moving it slowly before holding Peridot’s side, moving her body to pick her up and left her in bed, har body still stiff, holding her knee, “You have a fever, you need my help”.

 

“I Don't Need Any Help” Her tone making every first letter, eyes angry and burning.

 

“Yes, you do”.

 

“I DON'T! BEING DISABLED DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T DO SHIT!!”.

 

And them the pieces fell into the puzzle, fitting together perfectly, “Peri, I didn’t meant lik-”

 

“It’s always like that!” her body moved to hide her face with her hands, “Either you feel pity about me, you stop caring about who I really am, and I become just some loser who lost her leg god knows when or why, or you patronize me because, “ _ Hey you don't have a leg, let me help you with all this stuff I can do by myself because I’m fucking useless without a leg.” _ , I don’t want any of it, Lapis… go fucking away, I don’t need any hel-”.

 

“You know what?” Lapis kept herself as calm and collected as she could, she could understand the fact that Peridot didn’t wanted help, but she couldn’t understand much more, either way she wanted to be there, for her blonde friend, the way she tried, once and again, without losing hope, Lapis felt that the only option she had was to keep being there, “I don’t care about your le… Fuck… no… I mean… I don’t really care right now, you have a fever, you probably feel like shit… let me help you, please”.

 

Peridot was fast asleep again, her body couldn’t keep her awake for long, her energy was drained, and that emotional breakdown killed anything she had left in the tank, Lapis took her and she let her rest, putting a towel in her forehead, she didn’t had much else to do, so she kept looking at the blonde, she kept focusing in her, in the shit that must has happened to get that reaction from her just because she saw her missing leg, speaking of missing things, Where was it?, Lapis knew that Peridot had both legs when they were in the forest, maybe if felt in the way?, she walked to the entrance of the barn, rain was pouring even faster than before, a big storm with no signs of stopping, Lapis doubt herself for a second, and then her body was wet once again.

* * *

* * *

 

Peridot woke up with a hazy mind, she didn’t remembered much of last night, just bits and pieces, she did saw Lapis outside, in the forest, rain started to fall, then all was a messy blur of stuff she couldn’t place in her own timeline, Peridot felt a wet thing in her forehead, and a warm feeling in her hand, she opened her eyes slowly, trying not to be blinded by the light present in the barn, and the first thing she saw was Lapis, clothes wet and glued to her back, her head in the bed, sleeping in a really bad position, her hands over Peridot’s,  _ “What happened last night?” _ , her mind tried to put together all this little facts, trying to make sense of what she saw, until she felt a voice.

 

“How do you feel?” The moment green found blue eyes, sheepishly those blue ones went to another place.

 

“Better? I mean… I don’t have a fever anymore… Lapis? What happened?”.

 

A shrug was all she got for a time, until that graceful tone begun again, “You passed out outside, I bringed you here and tried to help you… I… discovered… your leg…” Lapis closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable explosion she thought would happen, nothing at all, she opened them once again, to find her friend in the same position as before, expressionless eyes staring her back, “You exploded, and passed out again… I went for your prosthesis outside… and tried to take care of you, You are really afraid of thunder aren’t you?” that was the first reaction she got from Peridot, a red blush and her mouth opening, “You kept turning in your sleep and holding my hand, so I stayed here… I felt asleep by accident… that’s all”.

 

Silence took over the barn as Peridot let go off her hand, trying to sit down, Lapis was fast to help her, but she declined with a head gesture, she looked at Lapis and searched the right words, “I… I’m sorry I exploded, it was the fever talk… no, it’s my usual reaction, I feel that I owe you an explanation”.

 

“You don’t owe me anythin-” Lapis turned away ready to get down.

 

“It’s true… I don’t” She took her hand before she could go away, forcing the blue haired girl to turn on her heels and face her, eyes connecting, without going anywhere, “I want to give you one”.

  
Lapis just sat in the bed, hand in hand, waiting for her words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm away from home right now, exams begun and it's been a hard week, I had to rewrite this episode various times, and I still dont like it, but a promise is a promise and this is my least hated version of it hahaha.
> 
> Probably it will have a lot more typos, or errors, or anything, I'm publishing it from my phone too.
> 
> Either way, I really hope you enjoy it!, any kind of comment will be really helpful!


	10. Rewind

“My childhood was hard” Almost a minute they stayed quiet, being able to even hear the wind outside, Peridot’s head was throbbing, the fever was definitely going down, but it was enough to make her still dizzy, “My dad was in the army and my mom only stayed at home, he was a recruiter, so, every year, six months, actually, every time they called, he was assigned to another city, for us to go and for him to work, I never could make meaningful relations with someone, I was a single children and also I tried, I really did, but even when I did, because I was always leaving, no one wanted to be my friend… for that... I-I was home schooled and grew up alone...” Peridot gave a light squeeze to the hand captured in her own, as Lapis moved her gaze from that place into her eyes, green eyes unfocused, looking but not watching, trying to remember every important fact, “I’m not angry for that, it just made everything a lot harder, relationships have always been for me, trusting other people too, it was… worst… after the leg” a few tears started to roll over her cheeks, Lapis slim fingers moved through the air, cleaning them, the blonde’s face nuzzled against the palm of her friend, closing her eyes at the contact, “I had an… accident, a car accident, we… fell over a cliff, over the speed limit, I… I can remember how we rolled through the hill… I never lost consciousness, I saw how everything started to roll, I felt how the glass started to cut my face and my arms, I… closed my eyes, just like now, and felt a purse hitting me, after a while, everything just stopped, we finally… stopped, I tried to move, I really did, but the frame of the car was pressing my foot, the hits had bended it, trapping my leg” Her voice was going faster and faster, trying to rip off the bandaid of talking about it, Lapis saw how the tears kept falling, her eyes shut, pressed together, in pain, in despair, remembering everything, she didn’t knew what to do, the blue haired girl just sat there dumbfounded, waiting for Peridot’s words to continue rolling, “I screamed, a lot, I even lost my voice, I screamed in pain... in terror, I knew I was the only one alive… deep down I just knew that, I... felt asleep there… blood was falling from my cuts, my leg hurt like hell, and I’m not sure if I was asleep or just passed out, later they told me I was out for ten minutes or so, but it felt like an eternity, I was woken up by the movement outside the car, firefighters trying to help with this accident, they found me as I tried to move, one of them… he... he tried to move me, and found out it wasn’t possible… he tried hitting the metal, but they couldn’t do anything, I was losing too much blood, he… he told me it was… he told me if we didn’t do this I could die... he asked me if he could… I gave him my consent…” Peridot other hand came to her mouth, trying to hold her sobs and keep telling the story, Lapis reaction was late, she climbed into the bed and hugged the blonde, letting her cry again, letting her spill all those feelings, soon, the voice came, muffled by the tears and the clothes, but she heard it as clear as possible, “I… I had no other choice… he used his axe… he used fire to make it hot and he cut my feet with one hit, I.. I thought my voice was already gone, but a scream escaped anyway, I… passed out after it, I woke up two weeks after, concussions, some broken bones, they surgically removed a little more, and I was given a prosthesis”.

 

Lapis stood there, without knowing what to do after the barn was in silence, her arms were cradling the blonde, her hands were moving slowly through her back, holding her, waiting for her, the blue haired girl kept waiting for any kind of reaction of her companion, but nothing happened, for some  minutes the time had become just a picture, as the breath started to even, the sobs became more sporadic, the bluenette kept trying to make sounds, working her jaw, to talk, to say anything comforting, but even if she opened her mouth a thousand times, nothing came out, Peridot pushed herself away from Lapis, and her eyes, red, swollen, wet, as green as she ever had seem them, stayed on blue, hoping to find strength, trying to find a drive to continue on, Lapis lips opened once again, and no voice came anew, her hand moved by herself this time, and took one of her companion, this time, the little girl, moving and sitting in her lap, intertwined her fingers, looking down at those hands, like roots, making her stronger, making her able to keep telling her story.

 

“It was nine years ago… sometimes I still feel it, when someon… something hits me, it’s like feeling the sharp edge of the axe once again, I… I… I-I-I I didn’t wanted to lose my leg you know?, I gave my consent, I said yes, I know it wasn’t my fault, but… I’m incomplete… I feel incomplete… I’ll never be someone full once again… so I hide it, from everyone, from everybody, because I don't want to be seeing in that light… somehow... I’m sorry... I'm truly sorry”.

 

“Why are you apologizing Peridot?, you said it yourself, it wasn’t your fault, you shoul-”

 

“WHO CARES ABOUT WHO THE FUCK FAULT IT WAS?!... I don’t care… I don’t care anymore, I just… don’t want to feel like this you know?, never again, I don’t want to explode when someone finds out, I don’t want to be afraid… I don’t want to feel useless, I don’t want to feel like a deficient human being anymore!”.

 

The blue haired girl stood up, a fire inside of her, her lips finally finding the sounds she wanted to say, “SHUT UP PERIDOT!, just… just don’t say that” Her fingers intertwined not only gave fortitude to the blonde, it was a bond that worked both ways “You… You don’t get to say that!” Her other hand was pointing at the surprised blonde, “You gave me the courage to come here, after all that happened, I exploded, like you or even worse, AND I DIDN’T EVEN GAVE YOU AN EXPLANATION, and what did you do?, You ran after me, you walked to my own home, you made me a fucking gift!, YOU MADE ME A BRACELET THAT I’M WEARING RIGHT NOW, NO?” Peridot seemed to shrink at her front, the anger of the usually calmed girl, pointing out all the facts, “I’m your friend, more like, I want to be yours... you gave me a chance, and you are thinking that I could feel that you are incomplete?, You really don’t know me” Hot tears started to run, this time from Lapis’s face, “You are the best person I’ve ever met, you gave me another opportunity, you are still here, please don’t think that about yourself”, she was also wasted, as the girl in front was last night, so she fell in bed, keeping both of their bodies close.

 

“Lapis?”.

 

“Shut up” Her hand went to the forehead, under the blonde’s bangs, “You’re still sick, you should sleep, I’ll take care of everything” She let go of her hand, walking towards the stairs, until she felt a slight pull on her shirt, she turned around, watching the blonde blushing, clear red on her cheeks, “Did something happened?”.

 

“Hug me... please?” Her voice filled with need, with an urge to feel her close, and Lapis couldn’t tear her gaze over the blonde, it wasn’t an order, per se, but she couldn’t refuse it.

 

Time stood still, the blue haired girl’s face matched the color on the other, her body slowly coming down, her arms wrapping around the body of the sick girl, nuzzling against her neck, drowning on her smell, on the newly born feelings, filling herself with the sentiment of love, the sense of need, the realization that she was falling, falling and falling, but this time not onto mirrors, this time the picture of Peridot was rose tinted in the bottom of her prison.

 

Words were the essence of the blonde, words usually blurted of her mouth, it could be anything, anywhere, everything even things she couldn’t think of, words usually were her best friends, but this time, she couldn’t find the right ones, Peridot kept herself in the embrace of the bluenette, trying to take it all in, it was more than she could ever ask for, having her there, having her holding her tired body, Lapis showing compassion and a remarkable understanding of her, Lapis… Lapis… Lapis, Lapis filling all her senses until nothing remained, only her breath, only her smell, only her touch, and Peridot felt asleep, and she, calmly, slowly and systematically drowned in Lapis.

* * *

 

The days went faster after that, they didn’t talked about it much more, Peridot took two days to feel really better, but even before that their relationship became much better, they started to interact more, not only watching “Camp Pining Hearts”, but in general, the routine previously set changing completely, going together to town, buying groceries and traveling, spending the days in the forest, in the barn, sleeping or sharing experiences, or even little talk was something precious, discovering in each other new things, new things to care, new things to love, new ways to fall deeper and deeper in the sweetest sentiment they could experience, there were only two days, but for them, they spent an eternity there, learning and existing, one leaned against the other, discovering that life wasn’t that unfair, or hard, that life didn’t hate them, because together they were stronger.

 

Taking the bus together was also a new experience, usually they traveled alone, but that gave them more time to know, to learn that they were in two different colleges, areas completely different, Peridot mechanical engineering and Lapis oceanography, but only a couple hours of distance, they shared their schedules, finding that every week they could see each other, they exchanged phone numbers and gave each other a stupid nicknames, they felt asleep on the ride, fingers slowly finding their intertwined way, the blonde’s head laying over the bluenette shoulder, they woke up close to “Empire City”, blushing and trying to explain to the other why their hands were like this, trying to explain themselves why their hearts were beating up so fast, Why did it felt so natural?, and why they didn’t wanted the trip to end, Steven was waiting for them in the station and the boy hugged them both tightly, happy to see them talking, Peridot excused herself, saying that she needed to do something before going to campus, Lapis continued her path with the boy, going with him without apparent destination, until she heard a voice calling for his little friend.

 

“Steven!, Steven!” Two woman running towards him, one tall, one small.

 

“Amethyst!, Pearl!” The voice of the boy.

 

So, maybe it was time for Lapis to meet the gems.

* * *

 

Peridot didn’t wanted to open that door, but she needed some things from that horrible place, she searched through her keys and found the one, she stood still for minutes that seemed like hours, searching for any kind of ground that could help her to enter, relishing on the memories builded last weekend, as a tether to reality, as a root, giving her the strength that she needed, questioning herself if it was really necessary to go inside, her mind always answering with a fast yes, she resigned and with a sigh opened the door, a yellow room greeted her, some pictures of another girl on the walls, some really nice furniture and her eyes stood when she noticed the figure sitting on the couch, in front of the TV, changing channels, her wild hair on a ponytail, Peridot opened her mouth as the figure started to turn her head, with a sick smile on her lips “Hello Jasper”.

 

“Hello little sister, mom was asking for you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, any comment or typo you can find it's appreciated, I hope you like this episode! I promise you, next week is kinda a better one for this fic.


	11. *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note: Every part of text that is crossed out is something they typed and thought of sending, but they erased

Yellow Diamond had an imposing figure even with fifty years on her body, tall, long legs and a well toned torso, business suits that always seemed to exacerbate those facts, short hair, always a stern look on her face, and even if that wasn’t enough to intimidate Peridot, her voice had a mix of pity and desinteresse, with a tint of shame hidden behind when she talked with the little blonde, she found her on her office, after the warning of Jasper, almost like in a movie, the moment she got to the room, finding her mother in her chair, behind a wooden desk, her back to the door, a glass of whiskey in her hand and the smell of cigar in the air.

 

“Is that you Peridot?” The last word spatted, like it was the plague, like if just the mention of her name was enough to make her sick.

 

“Yes…” A slow trail, like the softest of breezes, going off her mouth, scared, squirming in place.

 

“What did you said?”.

 

“Yes” Voice a little higher as the chair started to spin, showing a blonde with a scoff on her face, little wrinkles in the corners of her amber eyes that looked with revulsion the little dance in place her daughter was doing, “Stop that, it’s disgusting” The tone with a clear order that forced her muscles to an instant halt.

 

“Why were you looking for me?” The silence that engulfed the room for at least a few seconds was even worse than hearing her talk, those eyes were looking everywhere, judging everything, her gestures, the clothes she used, the way her hair didn’t had any order, the way she moved, the way she talked with fear, Peridot didn’t wanted to be there, feeling like a criminal about to be sentenced to her death penalty.

 

“I heard you weren’t in your college” She took a quick drink of her glass, “Tell me, _daughter,_ What is “The Barn”?.

 

The sky felt over her, the rubble trapped her body, her chest caved in and suddenly she wanted to gasp for air, gasp for comfort that couldn’t arrive if she was under that gaze, a hateful glare, pressing her, making her mind go to a million miles for hour, How did she discovered this place?, How does she knows it even exist?, What is she going to do?, Why is she asking me?, Does she know where is it?, one after the other, the disconcert grew, as well as the fear, her legs trembling and her body almost falling, her head ready to fall, hang down, ready to be shocked again, ready to receive fingers slapping her harshly, sharply, leaving 4 distincts marks on her cheek.

 

_*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*_

 

Yellow Diamond took the phone, and whispered a few quick words to it, standing fastly, and walking to the door, her hand taking the collar of the shirt, forcing Peridot to lock eyes with her, “We’ll finish this conversation later, go and talk with Jasper, she has some questions for you” The business woman walked outside the room after shoving Peridot, disappearing for her eyes a few moments later.

 

It took her minutes to manage her lungs to get air, to make her breath even, to stop gripping the frame of the door, her fingers starting to hurt, her knees week, her fear still going up, her questions still running, her body paralyzed, but she moved, slowly but surely, to her room in this house, she saw Jasper outside, she felt a push against the wall, but her body wasn’t on anymore, everything felt slow, everything felt so little compared to before, she let Jasper to put her hands in the wall, at both sides of her head, and then she looked at her, trying to escape of this stupor, trying to understand what she was saying.

 

“I heard you know a boy called Steven, Is his name Steven Universe?” A frown, angry voice coming from the muscular girl.

 

“Yes?... Yes I know him” Peridot voice was emotionless, fear overtaking everything, a fear that wasn’t going away.

 

“Good, Tell me where it lives”.

 

“Why?, I don’t even know though” She started to slip a little, Jasper let her hands away from the wall, allowing her to open the door.

 

“Because I’m going to kill him, he convinced my ex to leave me, he convinced Lapis to go away”.

 

Maybe this was the worst day ever, thought Peridot, and I will die soon, freezing with the doorknob on her hand.

* * *

Lapis fell onto her bed with a smile on her face for the first time in months, it was a good day, Steven and the gems had managed to make it even better, they eated, laughed and shared some time, Lapis was surprised about how much Pearl knew her blonde companion, and how much she seemed to know about her, seemingly Peridot had talked a lot about her, she enjoyed the time spent learning about the little anecdotes they had together, the times Amethyst made them do things that are a little short of legal, the times they escaped classes and when they builded things together, the shorter girl was also fun to be around, a little wild for Lapis, but still fun, she laughed a lot when she kicked a crane machine because it let the plushie fall halfway through, and after all, it was better than she expected, she got to know a little more about Peridot and she always enjoyed Steven’s company, also, they came to her house and left her there, helping with her little bag , just to enjoy a little more time together, it was nice, it was new, it was a feeling she welcomed, and she needed to thank Peridot for this, a little at least, it was fun to have something that she could, maybe, in the future, call friends, and it was very good to have something that could help her smile when she got to bed.

 

_*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*_

 

The phone’s screen started to glow, Lapis took it and smiled.

* * *

Green 5XG Alien: hey

Green 5XG Alien: lapis?

Green 5XG Alien: are you there?

Blue Inhuman Rock: Peri?

Green 5XG Alien: ~~i missed you~~ yes

Green 5XG Alien: its me

Green 5XG Alien: how are you?

Blue Inhuman Rock: Fine, I think, everything is going so well, And you?, How are you feeling?

Green 5XG Alien: ~~crying~~ everything is fine

Green 5XG Alien: are you doing something? ~~did you thought about me?~~

Blue Inhuman Rock: I just went to bed, Are you doing anything? ~~I miss you already…~~

Green 5XG Alien: im watching the wall

Green 5XG Alien: the wall is boring

Blue Inhuman Rock: Why are you looking at the wall then? ~~Why don't you come here… with me?~~

Green 5XG Alien: because there is nothing more to do

Green 5XG Alien: and then i remembered i have your number

Green 5XG Alien: so i sent you a message

Green 5XG Alien: are you free to talk a bit?

Green 5XG Alien: ~~i really want to talk with you~~

Blue Inhuman Rock: That’s why I gave you my phone, silly, to talk with you ~~I love when we talk until falling asleep~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~can we talk about jasper?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~can you come?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~i want to see you~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~lapis, i think i like you and i dont know what to do~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~im crying so much right now, im so afraid~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~lapis, help me please… i want to go back to the barn right now~~

Blue Inhuman Rock: Peridot… you’ve been typing for minutes, what are you writing?

Green 5XG Alien: i had a bad day after leaving

Green 5XG Alien: but everything is better now

Blue Inhuman Rock: Are you sure?, Do you feel better really? Peridot, please don’t lie to me ~~I don’t want to see you sad, it makes me sad too…~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~no~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~im really bad~~

Green 5XG Alien: yes

Green 5XG Alien: everything is better now

Blue Inhuman Rock: That’s good, hey Peridot, ~~Do you like me?, Do you miss me?,~~ What are you doing next weekend?

Green 5XG Alien: nothing

Green 5XG Alien: why?

Blue Inhuman Rock: We could go to the barn!, Do you want that?

Green 5XG Alien: yes

Green 5XG Alien: lets go

Blue Inhuman Rock: That’s good, ~~I was afraid you telling me no, I want to see you so soon, I miss your eyes, I miss your voice, I miss to see you, I miss my heart jumping every time you appear on my sight, I… Why do I like you so much?~~ It’s going to be a great weekend!

Green 5XG Alien: you wrote so much

Green 5XG Alien: are you sure you arent erasing things?

Green 5XG Alien: and yes

Green 5XG Alien: i want to go

Blue Inhuman Rock: No, I’m not erasing anything hahaha

Blue Inhuman Rock: Good night Peridot, I’m really tired, I’m going to sleep

Green 5XG Alien: good night lapis

Green 5XG Alien: sleep well

Green 5XG Alien: ~~why didnt you told me about jasper?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~why does this feel so unjust?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~why do i trust so much in you?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~im so afraid for the barn~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~do you still like jasper?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~thats obvious, how are you going to like me~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~im too ugly for that~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~im to whiny for that~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~why i cant stop thinking about you?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~why do i like everything about you?~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~please~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~choose me~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~i dont know why or how~~

Green 5XG Alien: ~~please like me back~~

Blue Inhuman Rock: I hope you have a good night

* * *

Lapis kept looking at the screen, kept looking at how the phone signaled that Peridot was writing her back, but her mind was elsewhere, her face hot, blushing bright red and she knew it, her thoughts on the person at the other side of the screen, on her hair, on her face, on her freckles and her glasses, on the way she talked, on the way their head felt like perfect pieces of a puzzle together when they felt asleep, of how their hands together mixed in, how right it felt Lapis send a last goodbye and closed her eyes, hoping she would dream about Peridot.

* * *

The tears were dry already, but she cleaned the last of them with the palm of her hand, feeling hot, as hot as her fever, as the fever that brought them together, her face flushed up as she put the phone close to her chest, Peridot closed her eyes and remembered blue, blue and blue, blue overtaking everything, every bad thing, every bad decision, every bad moment, and she started to drift off, face hot and thoughts on Lapis, thinking that maybe this day wasn’t that bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, A friend of mine drew the ending of this episode (Actually, it was a little different when I told him), [http://lk-1179.tumblr.com/post/161970119524/this-is-inspired-on-a-fanfic-called-home-to-my] it's the last part, Peridot typing things that will never reach Lapis (At least for now, anyway, maybe in the future), and really, thanks to @lk-1179 for the picture, I really love it!
> 
> Also, as always, I appreciate any kind of comment or typo you can find, it really makes me happy to know what you think about this story.


	12. You

Almost two weeks, ten days, two hundred and forty hours, minute by minute Peridot marked as the clock ticked in her mind, second by second closer to Lapis, she woke up early that morning, before anyone in the house, filled a backpack and ran back to her dorm, afraid but also with a warm fuzzy feeling in her heart, the thoughts of endless blue driving her forward, life becoming just a blur, in between the idea of Jasper hurting Steven, of the fact that Lapis was her ex, of the knowledge that Yellow Diamond had about the barn, classes were hard, walking was painful, feelings were troublesome, the fact that the Gems and Steven were out of town too, a theater play in another state, made her days duller, the only thing worth remembering, the only thing worth waiting for was every night, every ring, every message she got, everytime her day became blue, every little question, every little word she wrote, the feeling of Lapis taking time to talk with her, to whisper little things at night, to be there, Peridot could sob, could cry and break, but every night Lapis put her back together, every time the blonde was afraid, was tired, every time she felt that she couldn’t continue on, only a word, some letters of the taller girl made her smile, the stops on the frenetic train that had become her life, chased by everyone around her, her friends gone, only Lapis, Lapis helping her breathe, Lapis helping her live, even though she felt a thorn in her side when she talked with her, Jasper, reaching inside, making her question herself, not being able to ask her, not having the courage to know the truth, almost two weeks, ten days, two hundred and forty hours, and Peridot took the bus on her way to the barn, without Jasper or Yellow Diamond bugging her, with a little smile and a blush in her face as her feet carried her to the seat, closing her eyes and dreaming about drowning in blue and trying to ignore everything about her sister.

* * *

 

Lapis didn’t expected this outcome, She knew that she wanted to meet and talk with Peridot, but she never had the hope of falling so deeply for her companion, too deeply one might say, her nightmares were unusual now, her dreams didn’t had mirrors every night, it wasn’t perfect, but it was something to wait for every night, because even if it wasn’t always, just once or twice, the moment Lapis closed her eyes, pain wasn’t everything there, it was weird, it was new, but it was so welcomed, it was everything she ever wanted, the nights talking with the little girl, her dorky messages, the way she seemingly took a lot of time answering any question she had, the words Peridot used without realizing how much it killed Lapis, not because it hurted, but when someone says to you “I really miss watching CPH with you” and you are falling deep for her, one can’t even know the full extent of how much Lapis blushed, both of them were more comfortable speaking with each other, and for Lapis that was a blessing, she didn’t wanted to get hopes, she didn’t even knew the sexual preference of the blonde, but her heart swelled every time they talked, when she closed her eyes and dreamt about her, when she sees there in her sleep, when she see that they are together in a random park, holding hands and eating ice cream, her smile, sweet and pure as her body blush deeper and deeper, but Lapis doesn’t want to wake up, her mind’s in a paradise, Peridot hugging her, Peridot kissing her cheek, Peridot laughing at her side, and, just before sleeping, the courage she would never have in reality, taking her by the hoodie she always used, pulling her in, Peridot’s eyes open, surprised, the green in them overtaking everything as she gets closer and closer, her soft lips in Lapis’s, her hands pushing her chest, but giving up after a second, the bluenette’s eyes on the sweet grass of hers, her arms wrapping in the blue haired girl’s neck, closing in, reeling her into Peridot, green becoming black as the two pair of eyes closes, her lips moving as the kiss becomes something else, Lapis’s mouth opening, gasping for air as both bodies wrap together, the blonde’s tongue clashing with the one of her companion, not a fight, not a struggle, just a little touch, Lapis mind elsewhere already, just happy with this happening, even if it is just a dream, Peridot pulling her body away, breaths uneven, a little sparking line joining both of them, as the green color overcomes everything, becoming an entire universe by itself, her voice slowly saying, “Hey… Lazuli… I… I love you” and Lapis’s eyes open in reality, her face hot and her hair on her hands, knowing she’s deep, deeper than she’s ever being, and she only knows she wants to be in the barn, she only knows that she wants to see her little blonde once again.

 

Maybe she shouldn’t do this, Lapis’s mind on repeat told her that, as she got to the barn 24 hours earlier, the door locked but she knew that Peridot always left a window open, she jumped through it and started to prepare things, her cooking skills were almost non existent, but she wanted to have a surprise for the blonde, if she ever asked why, she would explain that it’s just to thank her for spending another weekend with her, for giving her a place to stay in one of the worst moments of her life, and for helping her even though she was a really shitty individual with her at first, but she knew that deep down she just wanted to make her smile, to have a surprise, she wasn’t brave to ask her out, and definitely she wasn’t prepared for the chance that even if she did asked her, the blonde answered that she wasn’t interested in women, or in her, the bluenette felt so much between those walls at the moment she entered, it smelled like Peridot, it had her TV and her bed, it had her memories and it had the moments they both shared, Lapis was lost, deep in this, deeper and deeper, falling and falling and continually falling, but at the same time she was so afraid, her last relationship left her heartbroken, the death of her father was a shard, deep and buried within her heart, she couldn’t help but to feel so much love around the figure of a little yellow haired girl, but at the same time be so afraid to lose her, to break her own heart again, to be shattered, lost in a place in time and space, lost in the void, with no way of coming back, she couldn’t lose Peridot, and her mind was set to let time go, to enjoy every second she could spend with the little girl, but to never push, to never ask, to never ever do something, if someway her feelings were returned, she would be the happiest girl in the planet, but… but she didn’t cared if things never picked up, because she just wanted to see her sun, her light and her guide happy, even if it was without her, Lapis sat on bed, seeing as the time passes by, knowing that Peri would probably send her messages, one after the other, and questioning herself why the blue haired girl didn’t answered, even if she gave her an excuse, Lapis tucked herself in Peri’s bed, and her nose dove right into the pillow, filling every fiber of her body with that smell, lavender, her bubblegum shampoo, every aroma unique to her, she let the smell intoxicate her body and relax it, she let herself fall into Morpheus hands, flying in Peridot’s perfume.

* * *

 

It was a direct correlation, the feeling of anxiousness tied with how close she was to the barn, Peridot really wanted to see Lapis once again, she wanted to feel her close, she wanted to hug her, to have her against her body, she wanted to listen her laugh and see how her eyes flickered in the light, she wanted to hold her hand within hers, but at the same time she was so afraid, was Lapis over Jasper already?, Is this a way she’s using to get close to her?, Does Lapis even cares about me?, all those questions and the latent insecurities in her soul couldn’t bring her own to put her name on the messages, Jasper’s name, also, Lapis made a really bad excuse about having to study for a test, knowing full well that Peridot knew that she didn’t had classes on Friday, so she was clearly hiding something from her, every time she took a step, her fear grew bigger, the strain inside of her body became more, the muscles of her body became more tense, until arriving and opening the door, finding a scene she didn’t ever, in all the years of her life, expect.

 

Lapis was asleep in the hammock, eyes closed lightly, a weird smile in her face, in the table there was a fruit tart, Peridot didn’t knew what to think, How did Lapis got inside?, Did Lapis cooked?, What the hell was Lapis doing inside?, Peridot was frozen in the entrance, all her fear and anxiousness disappearing, seeing the girl of her dreams sleeping, Waiting for her?, maybe, the only thing her body did was to left her bag, slowly in the ground, take a chair and, without making a sound, sit at her side, smiling and blushing as her hand was placed in her cheek, caressing it while the bluenette was sleep, as she didn’t moved, as she stayed like that, air passing slowly from her nostrils, Peridot left her fingers moving through the side of her face, her mind going through every scene she could, she should be afraid right now, someone has just trespassed her barn, she shouldn’t be there, Lapis shouldn’t be here, she shouldn’t be doing this, fondling her cheek, blushing deeply, How was she going to explain herself if Lapis woke?, Peridot felt guilt because she felt like that, but that skin, burning her with a thousand degrees, calling her, making her body move forward, it was reward enough for any kind of punishment any god could give her, and she definitely didn’t wanted to stop, she let time pass as she looked at the happy blue haired girl sleeping under her touch, until Lapis moved, still asleep, her hands taking Peridot’s in them, pushing the captured one against against her skin, a word leaving her lips in midst her dreams, the word that the blonde was sure should never hear left those perfect lips.

 

“Peridot…”

 

A simple whisper, calming the body under her, in all the chaos both felt without being known by the other, a murmur by a sleeping girl, feeling how she was kissed in a dream by the person she wanted the most, a blonde girl sitting, stunned in front of her, trying to sort out all the possibilities of why, Why does her name roll like honey in the tongue of the other?, Why does it feel like my heart is exploding?, What are you doing to me Lapis?, and just, at that moment, Peridot knew she would never love someone as much as she loved the girl in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a severe writers block this week finishing this, I took the episode in a different light that what I wanted in the beggining, but I really like it, I think it may be the weakest just because I feel that's forced a little?, anyway, I hope you like it! And as always, any comment or suggestion really helps me and is appreciated!
> 
> Thank you for reading until now, I hope to see you here next week!


	13. Jasper

Lapis could be in the highest of heavens when she woke up, she felt a warm palm pressed against her skin as her dreams took her from kiss to kiss, neither of them hot or wanting, forcing her to anything else, not like Jasper’s, when the kisses the last months just became a way to find or search carnal pleasures, always steamy and fast, furious and forceful, always the public replacement of two adolescents that just found what sex was, but with Peridot everything was different in her mind, chaste little brushes against two soft lips, trying to steal her essence, her heart and soul, face red in those images, a different pleasure, the one that’s born of feeling love and sharing it, the one that begins when you find someone that fills you as a perfect full human being, those kisses that she could share with the perfect masterpiece, the one she was so afraid to confess outside her sleep, a warm palm guided her between them, a hand pressed against her cheek that moved her to cloud nine and beyond, the best sleep she ever had, flying in midst Peridot smell, with five little fingers working as an anchor to reality, a harsh one where she couldn’t stole her scent with her mouth, where she couldn’t praise her goddess as she did between the days, but the one where the blonde existed, the reality in which Peridot made her a stupid teenager in love, fall in love with a little blonde.

 

The barn was dark the moment she opened her eyes, the tart she did was half eaten, a low blue light coming from upstairs, Lapis didn’t moved of the hammock, a chair that wasn’t there before, placed at the side of where she was sleeping, Lapis questioned what happened while she had her eyes closed, she let four, five, six minutes go before making her legs dangle at the side, her body falling and her feet starting to go upstairs, just like the first time she did, Peridot focused only on the screen, a blanket over her shoulders, without even noticing the blue haired girl peeking her head up the hole in the ground, Lapis managed to see the same image but now in a new light, her hair sticking up a bit and an eager wish to soothe it down, to pet it slowly in her scalp, the green eyes shining, not only with the light that the TV emitted, but with an own shiny green, a star brighter than every sun in existence for Lapis, her pallid cheeks where she could even count her freckles, Peridot was so away but so close at the same time, in fact, she was closer than in any moment of this week, of this last ten days, the blue haired girl stood tall finishing the climb of the ladder, walking slowly out of her sight, trying to surprise the little blonde, touching her sides over the clothes and making her body jump.

 

“WHAT!?” her face turning and finding the taller girl closer than she expected, a red dark blush took over her face, her eyes drifting down, going through the slender and well toned body of the girl behind her, red darker and darker as she tried to stop thinking about how those abs would feel against her fingers, her mind drifting into waking dream, dreams of her having enough courage to tell Lapis about her feelings, and where, more impossible in her mind, the girl reciprocated her feelings, as her eyes focused on the ground, the happiness and giddiness she felt was quickly replaced, a dagger thrusted between her ribcage, hitting her heart precisely where most it hurted, Peridot remembered that Lapis was her sister’s ex, and all those nice feeling were replaced by utter despair and sadness.

 

“Hey, did you forgot I was sleeping downstairs?” Lapis let her arms hung down, too shy to keep her hands holding the girl of her dreams, Lapis made a fast run down of her body, trying to capture her all, noticing that even if she dreamt of the blonde almost every time, her mental image was nothing compared to the original, she was lovelier, even more gentle, Lapis wanted to look at the eyes that kept her on trance every night, but Peridot was looking at the ground, a little frown on her brows, they haven’t spend that much time together, but they have gone through hell and back during that time, and the blue haired girl could know that something was bothering her companion, “Did something happened Peridot?... You didn’t liked my surprise?” Her pulse stopped at the thought of it.

 

“What!? No!!” A shout filling the barn, “I liked it… a lot…” Her eyes still evading the blue ones as the last sound died on the air.

 

“Peridot… What happened?” Two hands framing that pretty little face, forcing it up, looking at Lapis, eyes down still, trying to evade the bluenette.

 

“I… I can’t tell you” Tears in the corner of her eyes as the words rolled through her tongue.

 

“Peri, you can… you’ve told me so much already, I’m worried Peridot, What happened?” Fingers skillfully caressing the cheek, thumbs erasing the wet and warm water in the face.

 

A glance of those oceans inside the eyes of the girl that stole her thoughts and words was enough to break any determination she had to never mutter the name, Peridot was afraid she couldn’t handle the truth, but she couldn’t lie to the perfect face in front of her, “Jasper”.

 

An involuntary step behind, hands covering the right side of her neck, the name Lapis didn’t wanted to remember, the word she didn’t wanted to hear anymore, and the fear creeping over her spine, cold, cold, freezing ice, shocked eyes and a breaking voice, Lapis was paralyzed again, “How… How do you know that name?”.

 

Peridot searched for new strength to keep going and the fuel was Lapis’s reaction, What the hell did Jasper ever did to manage to get that reaction out of her!?, All the fear of Lapis not liking her back, of losing to her sister, of being left aside and using as a tool for a reunion with a past lover, were replaced with one word, rage, pure and simple fire, unbridled wrath, “Lapis?”.

 

“SHUT UP... Don’t say anything else” Shock was quickly replaced with fear and confusion, Was Jasper here?, Was Peridot sended here?, What’s going to happen now?, She needed to run, again, to hide, to escape.

 

Last time she heard those words, almost the exact same place, almost the exact same reaction, Peridot was frozen, but anger is such a fire, melting away everything, How the fuck her brutish of a “Sister” made this to the more beautiful woman in the entire universe?, Peridot just wanted two things at that moment, the blonde wanted to kick Jasper’s ass, an impossible, and to calm Lapis down, and this time, ice wasn’t going to hold her down, in a fraction of a second she jumped, a lot of things has happened in between, and she definitely wanted to protect Lapis, arm crushing the sides of the bluenette, chin resting in her chest as fierce eyes were drawn to the perfect face in front, “Calm down… I’m her-”.

 

“Don’t tal-” And she lost all the air on her lungs, the hold becoming tighter and finally she understood what was happening, Peridot was hugging her… PERIDOT WAS HUGGING HER!?, If this was any other occasion Lapis would be a mess, but right now she did the only thing she could, and broke down, her body failing and resting all her weight in the little blonde, large tears, uncontrollable sobs, running through her body as she cried for minutes, all the tension and pain going away with the caresses Peridot gave to her back, with the sweet little words whispered to her ear that she couldn’t remember because she was so focused on crying, Lapis let her body calm down and waited for the barn to be silent until she talked again, last time she ran, and almost lost the shiniest gem of the entire world, this time, she was going to lean on her, she was going to trust in Peridot’s friendship, “Jasper… is my ex, our relationship was so sweet at the beginning, full of love and care, was… everything I ever wanted… but soon it became a nightmare, she… she…” Every time she couldn’t keep going Peridot pressed herself against her back and front, trapping her in a cage of care and love, supporting her through this story, and every time that happened Lapis’s heart swelled and found new strength to continue, “She hitted me… She kissed me and forced me to… to receive her … She… She marked me with a piece of… I-I-I-I don’t know” The back of her hand tried to hold the sobs as she walked away, taking the top right of her shirt and showing Peri her shoulder, a clear mark, burned down in her body, a little diamond clearly forced into her body with needles, or heat, or anything, “She… tied me up… She…” Lapis broke down again.

 

Murder wasn’t enough to fill all that Peridot wanted at that moment, if she had a way to torture, to meticulously destroy the hulking of a…  _ “sister” _ she had, she would gladly do it, Peridot hugged tight the girl that stole her heart, using words was hard, almost impossible, but she could show her how she felt, she could hold her until she calmed down again, and she did, she kept muttering some words under her breath, “It’s ok Lapis… She’s not going to hurt you… I’m here Lapis...”, she let her hands roam through her back as she never dared of in another circumstance, she let her clothes get damped with tears as she focused on the only task ahead, to calm Lapis, to be the sweetest girl ever, she felt the sobs die out, she heard the tears stop falling, she understood when the breath even itself up, and when Lapis felt asleep on her hold, Peridot slowly let her body fall to the mattress and tucked her in, again she was seeing her beautiful angel sleep, but this time tears ruined the perfect masterpiece she was… replace that, she was perfect even like that, with stains but a little smile in her lips, the only sound was air, running from her nose, and Peridot did the unimaginable once she noticed that her companion was gone, she bended her body and kissed her cheek, stealing something from the thief of her heart, as she, shyly, turned away, talking could wait until the morning, learning the truth and killing her sister too, everything could wait for Lapis to rest, the entire world even, she thought, going into the hammock, closing her eyes and relishing in the memory of a kiss she had only for herself, she had seeing Lapis cry and suffer, she wanted to be so angry, but the fact that the girl still was here, the fact that she did kissed her, even if it was… unconscious and just in the cheek, kept repeating in her mind, sweet dreams soon replacing it, Lapis was everything, and her soft cheek was the platform to dive in her ocean.

 

What Peridot didn’t heard, was the little whisper going through Lapis’s mouth after she went downstairs, “T-thank you Peri… I love you...” Eyelids pressed tighter, face as red as a tomato, as she flew with the feeling of the two softest lips pressed against her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm uploading this so late, exams finished like two days ago and I was wasted, I just woke up, and here it is.
> 
> I hope you like it, any comment of typo I left can help me, as always, thanks for reading and I hope you are here next week


	14. Talk

Lapis woke up with the sun in her eyes, sliding through her eyelids, making her move a little, memories of last night overflowing her conscious mind, It was a dream or reality?, the feeling of those sweet, soft lips pressed against her cheek in the middle of her stupor, the bluenette blushed again, she just wanted to see Peridot again, the same Peridot that hold her together while she was breaking down, the same Peridot that soothe her and made her sleep with her touch, just after crying her heart out, the same blonde that made her forgot her ex girlfriend name even after she muttered it, that calmed the storm in her sea and, maybe, gave her the sweetest and better goodnight kiss she could ever expect, face completely red, Lapis stood from bed, hearing a light snoring coming from downstairs, she was curious how the other girl knew the name of that… violent woman… but first, even after asking what made her heart ache in midst the heaven of her company, she wanted to do the same that Peridot always did, two cups of a hot beverage, ready to drink in the moment her sweetheart woke.

 

The sweet smell of tea made her open both green eyes, the ceiling of the barn was nothing compared to her dreams, where a girl with blue eyes took her hand and lead her to a better future, but she couldn’t keep her mind in that for long, a sweet voice, low but melodic, singing one of those popular radio jingles, Peridot turned around in the hammock to find the person on her dream walking all around the makeshift “Kitchen” she had, two cups over the table, and a few toasts in a plate at the side, the smaller girl smiled at herself, only to instantly blush the moment she realized that was breakfast, her breakfast, made by the slender fingers of the goddess that was all on her mind, Peridot let her legs dangle over the side as she slowly tried to get up, as quiet as she could, trying to surprise Lapis, but a sound stopped her like she was trapped stealing a sweet.

 

“You’re noisy, Peridot” Lapis turned around and gave her companion the brighter smile she could, “Hush hush cute girl, your breakfast is getting cold”.

“I’m not cute” She muttered under her breath, sitting in front of the food and biting it faster, before her body growled and made her even more shy around Lapis.

 

“Mmmm… I tend to disagree” Peridot just blushed, and Lapis wanted to store that image in her mind forever, How perfect could that girl be?, enough to make her want to flirt with her, just to see that beautiful red decorating her cheeks, “You definitely are cute, the cutest girl here”.

 

“No…” A whisper that any kind of sound could make inaudible, “You are the cutest here” Peridot lowered her voice even more, but that didn’t stopped that words to find their home in the bluenette’s heart, now it was her time to blush.

 

“Shh” After that Lapis let the time pass, watching her companion eat all the food she did, even the pieces of tart left from the other day, a void of silence engulfing them in the meantime, both of them happy with the other’s company, but after a while, curiosity took the best of her, “Say… Peridot… How do you know Jasper?” An attack of cough took the blonde, probably her fault, having surprising the blonde, who lift a hand trying to calm her and swallowed her food before talking.

 

“She’s… SheiskindamysisterandIhateher” Eyes closed tight, hands hugging herself, the picture of a human plushie, one to be cuddled every night, thought Lapis.

 

“What?”.

 

“She’s my sister… It’s a long story though” Peridot opened her eyes but those didn’t left the table, looking down, sadly and defeated.

 

“Really?, She never mentioned you” Curiosity was reaching unstable levels, but she would never pressure her crush for answers.

 

“We… We’re not blood related… And I think she hates me… erase that, she does” An empty laugh as she lift her look, worried green clashing with blue as she asked, “Do you mind talking about her?, I… I don’t want to see you crying again”.

 

Another blush took her face and she tried not to stammer her next words, “N-n-no… I want you to know” This time she dip her eyes on the table, focusing on how soft those hands looked, only wanting to take them in hers, “I don’t feel anything about her… I thought I loved her, but… We destroyed each other, we were both toxic and made life hell…” Lapis stopped, eyes becoming a little wet even if she tried to hold it, Peridot turned her hand, palm upside, offering her touch, she didn’t let the opportunity pass, and she softly let her hand fall in it, both of them turning slowly and fingers intertwining themselves, melting together in a soft embrace, sending electric shocks to their bodies, “I could say she was worse… but I don’t know how much I hurted her truly… I never marked her tho… after… Steven help me cut ties with her… and I haven’t spending any time with her since”, eyes lifting slowly, trying to find out what was in the other’s expression, finding a face of relief and… happiness?, Lapis let the time pass after her last words, waiting for any reaction of the blonde, giving her hand a little squeeze.

 

“I was… so afraid…” The voice finally came, “Afraid for you I mean… as a… Friend” Those words gave painful shocks to both of their hands, the grip on the other’s hands becoming tighter, both of them pressing a little more, “She’s rude, she’s violent, she kicks me, she pushes me… I hate her… I really do” Peridot started to shake violently, her body and her voice wavering, “She kicks my feet… and it feels like hell, I don’t want anyone I care and I love to be near her… I was so afraid of you liking her back… because I don’t want to see you hurt anymore… You don’t deserve that”.

 

Lapis stood up faster than any movement she’s done in her entire life, her arms grabbing the smaller girl face and hugging her by the shoulders, pressing her to her body, if Lapis didn’t knew better, that may be a confession of love, but she didn’t cared about that at this moment, she only wanted to stop that body, to calm her down, to drown her worries and to show her that Lapis was there, to keep her safe in her chest, and Peridot did, her body hugging the waist of the bluenette, holding her tight, trying to convey all those feelings she wouldn’t… couldn’t say, trying to reach her, trying to explain her fears, her impotences, trying to explain to her how much she felt, trying to find herself in the best place imaginable in the world, between those two arms, cradled, protected, like two pieces of a puzzle, fitting together in perfect unison, finding strength in a long awaited hold.

 

“Peridot, calm down, she can’t hurt y… she can’t hurt us anymore” Soothing voice as her hands move to the blonde hair, stroking it slowly, relishing in the feeling of softness to the touch, the fluffy untamable hair, under her fingertips as the face that it belonged nuzzled deep in her chest.

 

“Thanks Lapis” Were the first words from Peridot as the time went on, for minutes the scene kept the same, losing all its original meaning, because at first it was just a wait to find comfort and help, to feel accompanied, to feel that they weren’t alone after all, but it became something else, it was what both of them wanted, just to be held by the other, just to feel the essence so close and yet so far, it was reassuring for both of them, the fact that the other wanted to be there, the innegable fact that they shared a hug for minutes unend, the fact that they melted each other into their touch, into the other’s embrace without the need of words, because just the fact that their skins touched the other’s, and the smell of their essence were the only important things in the entire world, not the sounds that the planet could bring, or the images their eyes could show, or even the taste of a cold breakfast, two out of five senses were all they needed, talk not forgotten, but not as important as the thing it brought, the tighter and more lovingly hug of their entire lives.

* * *

They didn’t mentioned her name again in the weekend, after the hold was broken they tried to go back to normal, but the unspoken words were already on the other hearts, their fears subdued a little, and going to the town, or to the forest, or anywhere had something new, teasing, playing, and the fact that their hands found shyly the other’s ones, holding it like it was the most precious stone in the entire world; Even though they shared words with each other, nothing important came out, no spoken reason for those new developments, they just tried to be as close of the other as they could, without saying the words their hearts wanted, trying to relish any kind of memory they could create, even in the ride back home, hand together as they boarded and they left the bus, Peridot taking Lapis to her home, creating the first happy memories of them outside that door that they saw in despair and sadness the last time, the blonde turned around quickly after seeing the girl she fell so deep for got into the house, getting her phone and watching, worry crawling through her spine, the ominous message in display.

 

“Yellow Demon: Monday, We are going to discuss about “The Barn””.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda a slow chapter, things are kinda stand-by in this week and it's fluffy, but I promise you, next week (and the weeks after) we're in for a ride guys!
> 
> As always, your comments give me life, and I really appreciate them


	15. Demon

Peridot heard her alarm going off, she turned again in bed and doubt settled in her mind for a few seconds as watched the screen, a new picture she managed to steal during the weekend greeting her from it, as she doubted what should she do. She let the sounds run it’s course, she stood up from her bed, knowing full well that the only thing that would push her forward today would be coffee in her veins and hatred for her mother, as she reached the bathroom the music sounded again, and she glanced the phone over the bed, a happy Lapis smiling was the last image she saw before closing the door behind her and turning the water on. Her day was clear on its schedule, but that doesn’t make it better; classes until 4PM, and a reunion with her mother at 6, but Peridot was afraid; the topic, her barn, and Yellow Diamond’s reaction? The blonde couldn’t know, she tried to let the water wash the troubles away, but the only thing that left her body were the minuscules grains of dirt she got over the weekend.

 

Water dripped of the borders of her towel, leaving a trail under her feet, as she choose her clothes for the day, khaki cargo pants, her blue shoes and a brown shirt under her pale lime green hoodie. Peridot sat in bed, knowing that she was a little late already, she took her phone, fixing her leg in the meantime, and reread all the messages she shared last night; the constant bickering and joking by Amethyst, the kind words of advice of Pearl; the only person she felt comfortable enough to tell the feelings she had for her blue haired crush; the audio clips sent by Steven, the forceful words of her mother, telling her the time and place of her funeral, and at long last, the lovely things she shared with the girl in her wallpaper. Words she wrote and the ones she erased, until her companion fell asleep, until she didn’t answer more and left Peridot alone with her fears and anxieties, either way, she couldn’t be more grateful for her friend, the small blonde left her phone at her side as she finished her leg preparations and clothes started to cover her body, a glimpse of the clock just before going out, and her mind setting on the fact she needed to run just to arrive in time.

 

The day kept going slow and boring, the teachers talking becoming just a blur around her busy head, not even the company of Garnet and Pearl helped her through the day. Peridot was a zombie, an automated robot, walking, eating and trying not to fall asleep after such a long night, her mind going to what could happen after she finds herself in front of those amber eyes. Flashes of the past starting to run in her mind as she thinks about it, flashes of the last years, of all the times Yellow forced her to do something, made her wait, all the moments where she had to bend her will to her “Savior” as she called herself sometimes; Every time she asked her for anything, and her requests fell on deaf ears, not like the ones of her sister; not like the ones of Jasper; All the times that hulking monster kicked her or punched her, and she couldn’t say anything, or if she did, the heavy hand of her mother would hit her cheek; All the times she hid under her bed because she was drunk, or because her sister wanted to find her. All the suffering she endured, but thank to this, she could have her leg, thanks to her money, thanks to her “Motherly Care” she could be like anybody else, she could hide the bruises with concealer and she could rise above, over all the problems, rising over this family, or that was what she felt, that was what she wanted to believe, but, as every time she managed to escape a little, Yellow Diamond dragged her down again and again by her words, over and over again.

 

A brown haired girl touched her elbow as Peridot, quickly and confused, started to look around; The clock in her hand signaling 4:15, room almost empty except for the girl that was standing at her side. The blonde stood up and muttered a little “Thank you” as she ran out the door, she needed to change, if she wanted everything to go according to plan she had to behave like her mother wanted; The most perfect of princesses, the ideal daughter to show off; She could swear, though, that she heard a “Cute” of the other girl before leaving her behind, but she didn’t dwindled, even if it hurt a little when her prosthesis hit the ground, she couldn’t be late, and she needed to prepare.

 

The cafe in front of Peridot was a really fancy, one of the new places that were opened this year. Grabbing the hem of her dress, she crossed the entrance and asked a waiter for her mother, his answer was that she had a reservation; Yellow Diamond left something for her and she would come soon, the blonde sat in one of the more private tables and found a folder, inside of it, some papers, Peridot asked for water and begun to read.

 

After she left the three stacks of legal papers, she got to the last note, handwritten by her mother, “I’ll be there at 7:30, and I will make one offer, you will have 10 minutes to accept either choice”, Desperation started to settle on Peridot’s heart, one of the things watching her back was the will of John and Lilly Olivine, one that she didn’t even know existed until today, at the side she found the plains of The Barn, of her barn, showing that this exact place wasn’t property of anyone, it was just a place ready to be claimed, and the last one, a contract that she dreaded to read again: Peridot wanted to cry, she wanted help, she wanted her friends and she wanted Lapis there. Peridot wanted to know if she could make a choice, and she wanted enough trust and self esteem to know that was she could make the better choice, if she would be able to know what she had to do, her eyes started to tear up as her clock signaled that she only had 20 more minutes to make a stand, and she felt lost, without any direction of where to go.

 

As she began to read again the will, Peridot started to remember that soft blonde face that greeted her every morning, a smile in her lips, she remembered how her father used to ruffle her hair every time he got home. She started to drown in all those times Lilly left something she needed to do just to teach her anything she wanted, or she needed, all those times that John tucked her into bed, reading her a story and petting her hair until she fall asleep under the touch of her father. Peridot, the 22 years old girl, kept reading over and over how she had some money, how she would have the house she used to live in, and more importantly, how she would have an 8% of the shares of the company Yellow Diamond currently ran.

 

“As you can see” A voice took her out of the trance, “The Barn doesn’t have an owner... until now”, Yellow Diamond let another folder fall in front of Peridot, “Those are copies of the claim of ownership, I can offer that to you, if you want it, but I need your help”.

 

Peridot stared, dumbfounded at the public deed in front of her, it was blank and had the same specifications as the one she had open over the table, she watched those amber eyes that made her fearful for her life and with a line of voice, she muttered the next words, “W-What do you... need?”.

 

“More than half of the will of your parents, in money, is their share of this company… my company, I’ve been managing yours for this last 9 years, but when you are 23, a strange number they choose, that share will be yours and I will lose my position as main shareholder. I’ll be simple, I offer you the barn, for you, if you give me your parents share, signing the contract I left for you… If you don’t do that now, in the next 10 minutes, I will ask my assistant to present the deed with my name tomorrow morning; The Barn will be mine and you will never, ever, see it again… Is that clear, Peridot?”.

 

A lump formed in her throat the moment her “Mother” stopped talking, Peridot was hit by fact after fact, things that she never knew, facts that she didn’t yet understand, How did her parents have that kind of money?, Why she never knew of the will?, How did Yellow Diamond know so much about the barn?, What should she do? The old and new memories she had built in the barn, the things that happened in the past, the nights and days she shared with Lapis, since they started to share that space. Her heart jumping with each sound over her, a clock hitting the seconds left for her to decide, What would she do?.

 

As the clock was finishing the last minute, Peridot grabbed the pencil that was in front of her, and signed the contract, feeling that she could never give up her memories, feeling that she couldn’t let her memories pass, Yellow Diamond kept on talking, but Peridot was getting into a mood she didn’t had since she lost her leg. The world starting to shut down around her, big walls becoming everything she could feel, or see, trapped in herself, she moved a little in her chair and pushed herself out of it, “I need to go” Calm and collected, she walked out of the cafe, and took a bus back to her dorm, her mind boiling with questions she didn’t have the answer to, her consciousness starting to build bigger and bigger walls around her.

 

When she crossed the threshold of her room, she felt for the first time her phone going off, 12 missed calls, eleven of those from her blue haired girl; In a fit of rage, with Lapis, with the world, with herself, she threw the phone at the other wall, a scream on the top of her lungs, “IT’S YOUR FAULT I HAD TO GIVE UP SOMETHING MY MAMA LEFT FOR ME!”, the device exploding at the touch, just rubble in the floor, Peridot sat in the middle of the room, without knowing what to do, or say, or feel, Peridot let the walls build around her as she made a choice... If she was going to give it all up for a barn, well, she should make use of it.

 

People could swear that they saw a blonde, without nothing but her dress, crying, hugging her knees, in the bus stop, at 2 in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt that I needed some help this week, this episode was hard to write and I was afraid some things wouldn't be understood, I must thank "TwinCarcino" for all the help (And the comments about my commas hahaha), it was really helpful for this week and I hope for the way I write the future of this story.
> 
> As always, any kind of comment it's greatly appreciated, thank you for reading this!


	16. Lazuli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: There's Panic Attacks and Suicidal Thoughts in this episode.

Lapis Lazuli couldn’t close her eyes, Peridot usually answered her calls, or at least she sent a little message when she saw them, never taking almost four hours to answer all of them; She let the phone ring again, sending her straight to the Operator, no voice mail created, the same she heard the last six times she did. The bluenette kept watching her phone, behind all the apps and the call, the same smile that conforted her usually, was presenting so many questions, green eyes looking her back from the screen as she mulled over the possibilities, she knew that probably she had to do something for college and she was focused over that, and that the phone’s battery could die in the meantime, maybe she even was in the library, as she often said to har she went, to study and have some peace and tranquility, maybe exams were close and she was pulling an all nighter and didn’t even brought the phone, but even with so much logic behind those prospects she couldn’t stop the feeling of dread inside of her, the fact that Peridot probably would mention her that she would be unavailable through the night, and the fears that were creeping out in her back, traveling in her spine, reaching her neck and keeping her eyes open. Lapis Lazuli called one last time before forcing her muscles to close. Lapis Lazuli dreamt of mirrors that dreadful night, when she most needed the soft feeling of those lips in her mind.

 

Morning welcomed her with a sweet yellow tint outside the heavy curtains, the girl in bed turned around to watch no new notifications in her phone, what could be translated into no news from Peridot, the same worriedness that last night had a reasonable explanation now was roaming free through her body, legs creeping into a fetal position; Lapis tried to find solid ground in her mind, to find another plausible cause, another possible answer to her question, but nothing came to her, just the little possibility of Steven, or the Gems, knowing something, Lapis clinged into that like a lifeline. 

 

The bluenette stood up from bed and walked out, changing clothes in the way, an almost empty bag over her shoulders and her way out of the house, her head falling against the glass of the bus, her destination, classes, she had already lost enough to almost drop this semester and she didn’t dared to fail in this, she didn’t care if she was tired, sick, or wherever, she couldn’t fail anymore, or that was she wanted to try, that was what her heart was saying. Before going down the bus after an hour or so, she typed a quick message to Steven, to let her know when the boy was up, serving her as a little peace of mind for the moment, cold air hit her eyes and mouth as she left the vehicle, walking her way to a full classroom.

 

Lunch time came slowly, and Lapis was playing with the not so good food in her plate, suddenly she felt her pocket vibrate and took it hopefully, waiting, expecting to be Peridot, telling her with her dorky way a kind of excuse, telling her that it was an accident, making sure that Lapis knew she was safe, but the other side of the screen only showed a boy’s name, telling her that she could call wherever she wanted, the bluenette stood with her tray, leaving it aside as her heart grew smaller, her expectations crushed, walking outside the place, watching the grey clouds starting to tear up the first rain drops, weather starting to match with her feelings, a sad and angry storm, losing light, or hope, by the minute, Lapis made her phone ring and felt Steven pick up quickly.

 

“Lapis?, Did something happened?”.

 

“Do you know anything about Peridot?” It was a little blunt for her style, but she was starting to get desperate, specially after the last message, after her heart being so happy and ecstasy just imagining that her blonde messaged her back, just to be broken a second later.

 

“What? No… But she sometimes disappears like this, Maybe she’s playing something or I dunno, it’s normal” Steven’s voice remained calm through it all, after a second he added, “We always go to visit her on Wednesday, with Pearl! Maybe you can come with us, I can give you her address if you want”.

 

Lapis felt a little more calmed with his explanation, but it wasn’t enough to subdue all her fears, last time Peridot was immersed in a game, she even called and talked with her, she didn’t left her alone and she definitely didn’t disappeared of her sight to this magnitude, but if Steven said that, paired with the fact that he knew her from a long time ago, maybe that could help her through the day, “Which time will you go there?”.

 

“4 PM tomorrow”.

 

“I’ll be there, send me the address”.

 

“Bye Lapis”.

 

Lapis let the phone ring after he cut the call, watching the falling rain building into a storm.

* * *

 

Mind was going into overload as she tried to sleep one more time, hand holding the phone, light shining over her eyes, a smile from her friend in the background, Lapis didn’t wanted to sleep, Lapis was afraid, Lapis was trembling in a fetal position, Lapis was crying as she remembered everything that happened in the last days, her gentleness, her loving and caring voice, the hugs, everything, Why did she dissapeared like that?, Head going over and over in the same question, trying to understand, trying to make herself sure that nothing happened to her, that she was still alive, that nothing bad had happened in this days, that... That Peridot was still at the other side; Lapis kept looking through the cold screen, the sun coming through the cracks in the wall, hair slightly standing up in every direction, almost forming a triangle, a smile on those lips, pale skin where she couldn’t see the freckles, but in her mind she could place every single one of them, like a star map, like a galaxy, like the shiniest star that Peridot was, eyes hidden behind the glass, the greenest eyes she could imagine. Lapis tried to close her eyes once again, trying to save the image in her head, trying to hold it tightly during the night, like she did to her body in the barn, trying to stop any nightmare, trying to drown in Peridot as she did more than once, trying to feel safe for a moment, but then the sound of a phone ringing infinitely brought her back between the mirrors.

* * *

 

2:40 PM and Lapis was already outside of the room, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, waiting for anyone she knew to come here and open the way into the room, biting her lips and with ears open, trying to catch any sound that could come from inside, after a moment she placed her head against the door, trying to get anything, but the light push, just the touch of her face against it, forced it open. Lapis had no time to get surprised, finding an undone bed, controllers over the floor, but not a sign of her friend, of her dream girl; She walked slowly inside, finding her bag, closed and full falling over the bed and then she focused on the wall, slightly black and pushed in, the bluenette followed the vertical line under if, bits and pieces scattered on the ground, a broken phone, screen broken in half, damaged and with no apparent chance of repair, Lapis was frozen for seconds, minutes and even hours in her mind, What the fuck had happened in here?, What happened to Peridot?, Why made her broke her phone?, Was she alright?, Where is Peridot!?.

 

In the middle of her shock, she felt a hand in her shoulder, a curly black hair behind her, but that, just that, pulling her out of her trance, was enough to unleash everything inside of her, holding a scream with her hands, wetness reaching her fingers, tears she didn’t knew she had, Lapis ran out of the room and didn’t stopped, Lapis ran and kept running away until she found a bathroom, Lapis ran inside and closed herself in a stall, tears fully running in her cheeks, fears drowning her, running in her spine, overtaking everything, air falling to get to her lungs, gasping for something that didn’t came through, Lapis was in the middle of a panic attack, trying to calm herself, she knew, she objectively knew what was happening, around her, senses turned all the way to eleven, but she felt powerless as everything left her, even the thing she most needed, Lapis blacked out in the middle of a public bathroom, crying her heart out in fear.

 

The bluenette woke after some minutes, someone hitting the door strongly, making her move, body calming a little, limbs funcional as she stood, like a zombie, mind elsewhere, and walked away from this. Lapis didn’t knew where she was, and more importantly, she didn’t knew what happened to Peridot, Was she… Dead?, It was just like his father, but ten times worse, Lapis felt the claws of depression gripping her body harder and harder, Lapis felt the wish of running into the nearby streets and let herself be ran over, but she couldn’t, Lapis was afraid, Lapis was a coward, and Lapis needed Peridot, suddenly, the only possible answer became true, bathing in the only hopeful light she could have, pulling her out of her suicidal thoughts, if Peridot was alright, if she had to ran, she would be in the barn, Peridot HAD to be in the barn, if not, Lapis would be lost, corrupted and out of reach, she had lost her father, Lapis had lost her family, Lapis had lost Jasper, Lapis had been beaten and destroyed, physically and psychologically, but she couldn’t lose the only thing on her life that made sense, she couldn’t lose Peridot, who she loved with all her heart, she let her phone ring, she forced her body to move, one feet and then the other one, then back to the first one, she knew she couldn’t lose tomorrow class or she would lose this semester, but she couldn’t come to care, not with this circumstances, not with the uncertainty of wherever that happened in monday to her angel, she just wanted to see the little frame of her savior, of the only person that gave meaning to her life, Lapis breathed heavily and walked slowly, with only one clear goal in her mind.

 

One hour later, people could spot a blue haired girl going up a bus, a sign outside, in big letters: “Beach City”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As every week, if you are still in here, reading this story, it makes me so happy, I can promise you that fluffier times are to come, just hang on tight for this week!
> 
> As I said some time ago, this story has planned 26 episodes, and I can promise you right now that there's going to be a week with two episodes instead of one!, you'll know when, I'll leave a little message.
> 
> Also, any kind of comment, of suggestion, or theory (Specially about Lapis's backstory, I want to know what you think) is really aprecciated, it makes me happy to know that people are enjoying this, or anything you can say about this fic.
> 
> Thank you for reading this, really thank you.


	17. Silence

Night had fall hours ago when Lapis Lazuli asked the driver for her stop, her short top and the little pants she was wearing did nothing to stop the dead cold, shivering from head to toe, the blue haired girl let the wind of the dark run through her skin, sad longing eyes going to the only place Peridot could be, the barn, noticeable enough in the horizon; A little smile, the first smile she cracked for days, settled on her lips, her muscles trembling with each step, maybe out of sheer exhaustion and coldness, or maybe just because she was afraid of what she was going to find inside those big doors; Peridot never behaved like this, Peridot was rational, at least more than her, a tantrum for god knows what reason seemed more like a Lapis thing to do, not on that the blonde could do, not the small girl that found a way into her heart, not Peridot.

 

The bluenette knew that there were two possibilities the moment she arrived to the barn; First, Peridot was inside, if she was, there were two more chances; One, she was alright, something happened and she escaped, Two, she was in god knows what state of mind, like when she found out about her leg and exploding, maybe her crush was lashing out against the world, destroying, punching and fighting; Second of all, Peridot wasn’t even in the barn, god knows what happened to her, and Lapis would break all over again, falling into a mirrored pit, over and over, trapped in the dreams of her new reality.

 

The door cracked when she moved it, slowly, as Lapis pushed it, the moonlight slowly gaining ground, covering the wooden floor, eyes slowly adapting to this fact, nothing inside, nothing moving, calm as a clear lake, Lapis’s sight scanning every little location, the blue haired girl found nothing as her feet drove her inside, contact making a spectral sound, echoing on the walls as she advanced carefully, treading like something could jump over her at any second, dry throat as she opened her mouth, no a sound going through, no cry or call for her crush as she tried, left foot now going inside, eyes wondering over the lightless room as nothing at all came to be there, nothing that she could find, shivers of fear rising up in her spine, as the right foot went one step closer, voice like a whispering muttering the P sound, the painfully slow crack of old wood against pressure when the left foot touched it, the scream that went through her senses, “PERIDOT!”.

 

No response as the seconds became hours, as her sight became used to the lack of anything, as she found something snuggling against a pillar, at the side of the hammock; A body thrown against it, back in the wall, legs hugging her torso, arms under her knees… her knee actually, prosthetic in the ground, tugging the hem of the dress, like it felt and was never picked up, face hidden behind those legs.

 

Lapis gasped the moment she found her body there, almost falling like a loud wave over her, rushing to her side, to touch her, to feel it, hands in her shoulders as she pulled and pushed at the same time, feeling cold skin in her hands; The sleeveless dress she was wearing was something that she didn’t knew Peridot could wear this good, but no response from the blonde under her touch, inanimate, almost in a trance, Lapis picked up her face, moving it, eyes opened but glassy, like in a coma, Peridot kept breathing, but as soon as the blue haired girl took her hands out of her head, it falled like it was dead weight. Lapis Lazuli found, terrorized, that Peridot was in an inanimate state, that Peridot was there, at her side, her body at least, that she found the girl of her dreams again, but not fully this time.

* * *

 

Blurry images between her sleepless state of mind, the feel of another touch over her body, and the image of a tanned skin moving her face. Peridot didn’t had the strength, nor the will, to talk or move, a body without food and water for almost two days, ready to pass out, but she didn’t cared, she didn’t cared about anything at all, at least she was in the barn, in the only thing that no one could take away from her, in the only place she could feel safe, even if she was all alone.

 

She felt arms pulling her up, under her knee, touching her back, rising over the ground, senses failing, Who was it?, it was… Steven?, Mind fuzzy but still able to connect some thoughts as she realized that no one could be, no one even knew where she could be, it could only be Lapis, but she was too tired and too exhausted to care, to say anything. Peridot was in another place, her mind was wandering off; Losing rational thoughts, having nightmares and hallucinations, the starvation of her body making her feel things that wasn’t there… or maybe were there? Amber eyes, Vitiligo skin punching her body, frowned looks of her mother, a car flipping over a cliff, her own body falling, the hot feel of an axe against her leg, the coldness of a white hospital room, the feeling that everything was over, the look on Lapis’s eyes, the sadness behind all the kindness, the girl she loved but she hated… she didn’t, the girl that stole her heart. Peridot wanted to laugh, to cry, to scream, Peridot wanted to feel, to be able to do anything, to open her mouth and to move, to be able to focus her eyes and say anything, to figure out who was at her side, Who left her in a bed? In a couch? Where was her?, Peridot drifted off once again, in her state, in the middle of a dream filled with nightmares and a starved body in reality, without being able to sort anything by herself.

* * *

 

Lapis left the body of Peridot laying on bed as she walked downstairs, her body sweating cold, asking herself one simple question, What has happened?, fear fully taking over her body, the shivers of coldness replaced by the ones of terror, but her mind kept as conscious as she could, the adrenaline of having found her leaving a rational place in her mind. “At least I found Peridot, at least she’s here”, Lapis kept saying as a mantra, as she filled a glass with water, coming upstairs again, moving the blonde’s head, giving her slowly the clear liquid, after watching the cracked lips that she wore, knowing that her body craved for hydratation, Lapis made the trip over and over, and little by little gave water, as much as she could, to Peridot, at the pace that she could receive it; Lapis didn’t knew much, she didn’t knew why Peridot came here, the bluenette didn’t knew why her blonde was in such a state, the taller girl was going into panic mode, moment by moment, a dormant attack in the back of her mind, but she pushed, she struggled against it, because she needed to be rational, because she needed to be there, because Peridot needed the water, because Peridot needed her; Lapis pushed the bad thoughts away, Lapis pushed the questions away, Lapis struggled with her own mind as her body moved by himself, bringing glass of water after glass of water to the blonde’s dry lips.

 

After a while, tiredness caught up to her, body kneeling at Peridot’s side, hands losing themselves in her hair after they took the prosthetic out of her body, Lapis’s  thoughts were on the way too, now that she wasn’t doing anything, terror settling in, but so many desires after being away of the things that Peridot bringed to her. Slowly, as Peridot did once, Lapis kissed her cheek, trying to convey her fears, the need of her, the love she felt, to this body that belonged to Peridot, but that it wasn’t her, Peridot didn’t had glassy eyes, Peridot always had a dorky remark, Peridot was lively and hopeful, Peridot smiled and that smile made her world turn, this body was cold and almost in pause, she was asleep, or awake, she didn’t did anything, she didn’t said anything, and that frightened Lapis to the bone. Lapis wanted Peridot to wake up, and she kissed her again, mouth moving faster than her head as she muttered under her breath.

 

“Peridot, please tell me you are there, please, I’m so scared, I’m so afraid, I can’t lose you… I can’t lose my… My… My f-friend, I can’t lose my best friend. I haven’t even told you that I… I love you… Please don’t do this, don’t run, never again, please stay, I… I know the world is ugly and hard, and it pushes and pushes, and it breaks you and it pushes, and… Please, please Peridot… PLEASE WAKE UP!” Tears running down the cheeks as her body’s still immobile, by the time on the clock she merely gave a glance, hours had passed since the first time she gave water to those lips her desires craved so much, “Don’t leave me now Peridot… I’m here, I’ll be here… I won’t leave… I… I want to face the future together… so please don’t leave me now...”.

 

A crying mess fell over, staying at the side of her head and letting the covers grew wet as tears, as fears settled on in a mind that stop running, Lapis felt the panic starting to build over again, but she drowned it, over and over, because even if Peridot wasn’t more than an empty body at her side at the moment, the smell of lavender in her nose made it feel so real.

* * *

 

Words, Words were forming and she couldn’t find out what, she heard them, she even could recognize that it was Lapis, but the water wasn’t enough to bring her tired body to complete consciousness.. Lapis was here, the bluenette was here and so many feelings clashed, the need of her, the wanting of her touch, of her feelings, the idea of Lapis leaving, of Jasper… The fact that she had to give up something to keep this barn and that Lapis was the guilty, she couldn’t let those memories fade away, she couldn’t let her parents fade… but Lapis was so prominent right now, she was so important, and even when the cold logic deemed that the sacrifices she did for the barn were too much, she felt content in the bottom of her heart, knowing that Lapis found the way to her, that the skin pressed against her hands, that the finger intertwined with hers were the ones of the bluenette. Peridot drifted on and off of her sleep, and every time she found herself tired and unable to move, or say anything, even when she tried and believe me, she did, she tried to soothe with words, she tried to speak, but water wasn’t enough after two days, and Peridot stayed in a state, a limbo, between two worlds, as the love of her short life was at her side, mumbling words that she couldn’t understand.

* * *

 

Lapis stood up, the sun coming inside of the barn, the open door making everything more yellow and orange, filling the air with his light as she stood. Afraid, more afraid than ever before, Peridot hasn’t moved at all during the night, it was really like something was left her, the barn stood in a silence for hours, the silence that never had when Peridot was awake, since they started talking. Lapis stood up and turned around, and after hours of watching and waiting for a response of her blonde, Lapis made one step away from her, just one, and the signal she most wanted occurred, and the only thing she ever wished with such a fervor just happened the moment she did a step away from her.

 

A weak touch of icy skin in her wrist.

 

Lapis turned around to find Peridot’s arm wrapping in hers, pressing the bracelet to her skin, her head slowly turning as words rolled out of her mouth, words she wanted to hear so much, even more after finding her like a broken toy pressed against the cold pillar, “Pl… Please stay… Get in b… bed... Plea… Please…”.

 

Lapis complied, without knowing how to decline such an offer and after almost 10 hours since she arrived, she finally closed her eyes, when, in the first action Peridot made since reaching the barn, she took Lapis’s wrist and pulled her between the covers, without the strength to move more than a few inches, snuggling against her side, and drifting to her first dreamless sleep since she talked with Yellow Diamond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I've made this two girls too unable to speak between themselves, too afraid, but I like them that way, because the moment they talk (And believe me, that's coming so soon) it has to convey so many feelings.
> 
> If you are here, still reading this story, I must say that I really appreciate you, any comment or suggestion, anything you want to tell me, there's the comment box down there, as always.
> 
> Thank you for reading, See you next week.


	18. Mirror Mirror

As the glass door opened, a blue haired girl left the “Beach City Supermarket” wearing a soft smile in her lips and two bags in either hand; Any person that already knew Lapis beforehand wouldn’t believe that this lovely girl, that joked with the workers and sang lowly as she walked towards the rural parts of the city was crying 72 hours before, kneeling at the side of the starved body of the girl she loved, nobody would believe that 2 days ago she was feeding her little pretty mouth with a spoon, happy in how she was getting better, Peridot didn’t talked much, but reacted strongly everytime Lapis was on sight, asking with her hands or eyes for water or food, hugging Lapis at every turn, cuddling like the night they spent together; When the sky became black, the bluenette asked shyly to the blonde where would she sleep, the only answer she got was a hand slowly opening the covers, snuggling at her side the moment the blankets felt over them once again; It felt like heaven, more than the first time, now that Peridot was answering, now that she was sure her companion was alive, the feeling of her soft skin pressed against her body, of her breath, giving life to her now less pale face, of the way her arms drew against her body, holding her tight but at the same time so softly, on how the blonde pressed her face against her side, hiding from wherever horror the night might bring to them; The second night Lapis was stunned in place as the minutes passed, the only sounds coming from the little lips exhaling a soft breeze directly to her heart, it took her minutes to sleep tangling shyly her legs with the ones of her barnmate, feeling like she was in the best of dreams; Lapis woke up even before her companion, her eyes closed and joining together, looking like she was in the perfect rest, body thrown over the bed, arms hanging, clinging to the other’s body, Lapis contemplated the scene for long, feeling a rush of happiness and her heart melting every second she spend with her eyes focused on the littler girl, Lapis stood up slowly, trying not to wake up her little companion, managing to walk away without her eyes opening, making a little breakfast and storing every memory she got on her mind.

 

The bluenette opened the door thinking about how she slept with Peridot once again last night, and it was the same image, the same thing, the same day; Peri wasn’t talking too much, just moving, and that fact was starting to worry her, Lapis didn’t had a clue of what had prompted this reaction out of her friend, what made her run and hide in the barn, Lapis was curious, she wouldn’t admit that she just wanted to know what happened to protect her from every bad thing that could hurt her. Sun was hiding on the horizon as Lapis did her trip towards Peridot with the last food she made for the night, she focused on the smile her companion had when she, piece by piece, feed everything on her plate directly to her mouth, giving her slowly water after that, Lapis cuddled against her after that, drifting quickly into her sleep.

* * *

 

Black, black at her front, running from her reflection, Lapis found herself chased by mirrors, as the walls of her home became one after one into them showing herself with a wicked smile on her lips, “No, No, NO!” Her voice screaming as she kept running away, running away until a body was found before the false mirror door, a sad pallid face, losing color, drowning into an endless sleep, whispering just four words over and over sounding like they were screams shouting in her ears, “It’s your fault Lapis.” Over and over, again and again, Lapis let the mirrors take her as she fell into a fetal position, tears running from her eyes, as the big mirror in front of her showed a broken reflection, “It’s your fault Lapis... It’s your fault Lapis… Lapis, it’s your fault…” Mocking her over and over, broken laughs from every angle as a chorus of her own voice mixed with the stern sound of her father’s voice, “It’s your fault Lapis, It’s… It’s my fault.”.

* * *

 

Her shoulders rocking forwards and backwards as Peridot tried with all her strength to wake her up, Lapis’s tears staining the covers, and her eyes tightly shut, her face pale and her hands fists, her voice repeating a mantra lowly, but there was enough silence around to let her listen to, “It’s my fault… It’s my fault… It’s my fault.” Over and over again, Peridot moved Lapis’s body until her eyes opened and she curled on herself, shaking like a leaf, breaking down in loud sobs, moving all her body. The blonde let the blankets fall to a side, trying to touch the girl in front of her, trying to calm her down as she continued crying, but every time she touched her body, a guttural scream of fear came of her mouth until she was left alone, untouched, crying even harder, Peridot didn’t knew what to do as she watched dumbfounded at her savior, her light, break down crying, repeating over and over again, but now a little more conscious, “It’s my fault.”.

 

After two minutes of hell, Peridot couldn’t hold it more and she jumped into her, breaking the self made embrace with one of her own, she didn’t cared about how much the body of Lapis stiffened or reacted against this, she didn’t cared about the primal voice that came and tried to push her again, the same with her arms, Peridot hugged Lapis, hiding her face in the neck of the taller girl, soothing her down with a palm splashed out in her back, traveling the length of her torso, her unused voice whispering lowly words of praise, trying to calm her down, throat sore and making her feel a painful tug at every sound it produced, but it didn’t mattered, because the girl she felt so desperately in love with seemingly was in a much more deep pain that her; Peridot kept fighting her off until the resistance was inexistent, until Lapis fell to her arms and kept crying her heart out, until her mind was back on track and her arms hugged her back too, until the shoulder of her top was drained with water, but Peridot carried on, calming the pain inside Lapis’s heart the best she could.

 

Minutes, maybe hours passed when Lapis muttered the first words, “I think… this time I owe you an explanation Peridot…” The alluded didn’t answered, her voice used on whispering little things onto her neck, on roaming the back with a calming hand, “But… I want you to answer me something first…” That seemingly had all the attention of the blonde, because all her actions stopped immediately and she stayed sitting on her lap, waiting patiently for the next time Lapis talked, “Why aren't you afraid of me?.”.

 

“Why should I?”

 

Arms pushing her away, grabbing her by the shoulders and a painful look on the blue eyes, swollen in tears, red and desperate, “BECAUSE I COULD KILL YOU TOO!... Because I could hurt you… Because…”.

 

A soft kiss on her forehead was Peridot answer as Lapis broke again, feeling the soft skin against her, and she hid her head on the blonde’s chest, until her eyes were dry and she felt that she had no more tears to drop, until she turned on her arms and watched up, to the gentle smile of a perfect girl, more akin to a goddess, waiting patiently for her.

 

“I… I killed him.” Peridot made no sign of going away, as she always thought their conversation would go when she said those words, Peridot stood still in there, eyes filled with curiosity as she waited for Lapis to continue, “My dad… I killed my dad.” Eyes closed as she made that statement, the supporting slim arms kept themselves on her back, the hot air of her breath kept hitting her nose, the feeling of her lips on her forehead still lingered on, the bluenette felt surprised but at the same time, so happy, she wanted nothing more to drown in this feeling, instead of the massive guilt that pushed her down, into a pool of depression and fear, of self pity and hatred for herself, but she owed Peri a true explanation and opening her eyes she found green ones still there, with the same worried smile in the lips, Lapis took a deep breath, and began to tell her story.

 

“We… We have a mirror in… in the door of out basement… Mom was outside… she had to buy some groceries, and… and my Papa was coming home back from work… My Papa was always happy, he always had good words for me, he always made me smile… And… And he loved hide and seek… He loved to play games with me… Even if I was 21… We still played… I… I hid in the basement… Minutes before he was supposed to come… I felt the sound of the door… I felt his footsteps against the floor… I felt how he was so close… So I jumped out of thi… of the… of…” Lapis cried a little more, dry sobs rocking her body, but Peridot kept supporting her… Peridot kept giving her strength to push even this, Lapis continued between violent sobs, words forming between cries, “Of… Of the basement… And he turned… And fell… I… I didn’t knew what was happening… My papa seemed white as paper… I… I tried to help… I talked with him… I called 911… The ambulance came… My mom came… but… But it was too late… He… He had a heart attack… He… He died because of me… He died and every… everything I could see… was our reflection… on the mirror… Everything I could… Everything I could feel is… How I was guilty… How I’m guilty… I killed him… Peridot… I killed my father…”

 

With her last word Lapis shut her mouth, waiting for any kind of reaction of the person she just addressed, instead, she felt the soft lips again on her forehead, trying to convey so many words she couldn’t form. Peridot pressed her mouth against her forehead, trying to say to her that she understood, that she was still here, that she loved her, as a friend, as a girlfriend, as wherever she wanted them to be, Peridot kissed her between the eyebrows, softly and slowly, holding her tighter than before, trying to show her that she wasn’t leaving her side, because even if she could say something, even if she could talk and mutter so many things, no words could express how she really felt, about her, about the situation, about this… about her father, about her guilt, Peri kissed her on the forehead and Lapis knew this was the answer she most wanted.

 

“Aren't you afraid?...” The words hang out until the hotness of those full lips left her face, and a sweet smile took her place in Lapis’s field of vision, green eyes, even greener without the glasses on, focusing on the bright blue sea ones.

 

“It wasn’t your fault Lapis… How could I be ever afraid of you if you haven’t made such thing?”

 

Lapis felt like crying again, but when the first tear rolled through her face, the feeling of then was different, and she noticed that, for once, this were tears of joy.

 

Peridot didn’t let the tears ruin the perfect masterpiece that the blue haired girl was, and she cleaned it with a thumb, holding her even closer, and bringing the covers over both of them in this weird embrace, giving warmth to Lapis as her eyes closed.

 

Lapis had a dream with mirrors that night, but this time Peridot’s reflex was also on the image, with a elegant black suit and a dorky red bowtie, hugging Lapis from the belly, hands deep in the white dress that covered her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!, We have Lapis's backstory for once... I hope, I really do that this make them talk a little more about them... It's not like I know the rest of the story or not hahaha.
> 
> Now I can safely say that in two weeks there'll be two episodes, one on September 2nd and one on September 3rd (The usual date) because I want to give myself more time to write that week, I'll tell you why am I doing it when I post that episode though.
> 
> If you are still here reading, any comment or suggestion, or if you find any typo, everything is appreciated in the comments, Thank you for being here and reading this story.


	19. Tea

The warmth of another body wasn’t there when Lapis woke up, covers over her body and unable to tell what time it was. The blue haired girl kept looking at the ceiling, memories of last night still fresh in her mind, it just felt good, Peridot didn’t ran, Peridot was still by her side, Peridot hold her and calmed her, Peridot had stopped the whispers of her mind, telling he that she killed her father, Lapis knew she wasn’t guilty, Lapis knew it was just an accident, her objective side told her that, but she couldn’t help but to feel that it was all her fault, she couldn’t help her mind telling her that she was a killer and a monster, that she destroyed her own family and her life, but now Lapis felt so grateful for the mere existence of Peridot just to remind her the fact that she didn’t, that she still deserved to be loved. Her hands started to roam over her body, feeling the warm contact of the blonde’s body still lingering in her skin, the way her hold felt, how she could hide her face in her chest and cry her heart out feeling safe, how her slim arms splashed over her back, holding a package whole, not letting her spill or break, Lapis touched every inch of skin that the smaller girl had between her hands last night, feeling her heart melt and her mind go fuzzy with adoration for the other girl.

 

As minutes passed, she felt the soft smell of two hot beverages she learned to love in the barn and decided that it was time to stand up, walking to the first floor and finding the girl of her dreams sitting on the table, steamy cup touching her lips as she drank slowly, blue found green for a second as both eluded the other’s eyes, a little blush appearing in her faces, Lapis replaced the warmth of her mind and her touch, the ghosting Peridot one, with the hot water inside the mug that was present in the table. Time lingered on and the sounds were paused as the tea filled her body, like it was the scene of a painting, little yellows and oranges filling the inside of the old barn from the open door, crickets and frogs the natural symphony for their ears.

 

“I’m sorry.” Peridot voice broke the spell and Lapis couldn’t help but to jump a little in her seat, “I ran away… I was afraid and I broke…” The blue haired girl shot a look over Peridot, expecting to find a sad one answering her, but instead found two emeralds focusing directing on her face, her expression firm as she kept talking, “This barn means a lot for me, you know?”.

 

Time passed by without her mouth moving again, the sounds of the question still reverberating, breaking the natural music as Lapis took another sip of the hot cup, Peridot’s eyes were unfocused, watching Lapis but focusing in something inexistent, like she was reminiscing memories long gone.

 

“I never told you everything about my accident… When I lost my leg… I didn’t only lose that Lazuli, my dad was driving… My mom was at his side, they both died that day.”

 

The body reacted immediately, standing up from her sit and trying to get close, but with a little movement of her head Peridot asked her to stand still, to stay in her chair, that didn’t stop her hand to roam over the table, palm up, fingers quickly intertwined with the other’s one as she continued.

 

“We were at this barn before that, I… I felt asleep in the car, before falling… There… in that door, there was the place when I talked the last time with my dad and my mom… I miss them so much, you know?... This was their place, they loved it… And I want to keep it.”.

 

No tears were spilled as Peridot’s face kept stoic, calm and collected, mouth hanging open a little bit as she seemed paralyzed by the memories that were clearly claiming her unfocused eyes, Lapis gave a quick squeeze to the hand trapped between her fingers, helping the blonde out of her trance, words filling the void quickly after.

 

“I was adopted… I was little… by Jasper’s mom, Yellow Diamond… She payed for every operation and for my prosthesis… But I always knew it wasn’t sincere… She just wanted the publicity of taking the poor almost death girl and saving her, taking her to her house and protecting her, she wanted the covers of the newspapers and wanted to be watched as a good role model… She’s not… She’s violent and aggressive, She doesn’t mind what happens between our doors when the cameras aren’t watching, she pushed me and hurted me… But I still depend of her, I don’t have the money to replace any part of my leg if their were to fail or break… I can’t go as much as I want to…”.

 

“I’m so-”.

 

“Let me finish please?” Her eyes founded blue once again, but this time the looks were pleading, Lapis wondered for a second how she had gotten so good at reading her feelings just by the look of had a tingle of happiness buried deep inside, Peridot felt the urge to keep going and needed the strength given by her touch, the bluenette’s lips curled up a little in a shy smile as the voice filled the silence once again, “She forced me to pick between the barn and their will, my parents legacy, their inheritance, everything… I picked the barn… That’s why I ran… At first I… I was blaming you… I knew it was more than that, I knew it wasn’t only you the reason I picked this barn over everything else…I didn’t want to give up our memories, you know?… I, also, didn’t want to accept that this place is the last I have from them... That everything I had left was… this rotting and old barn in the middle of nowhere… That this is the last I will have from them... So I blamed you, that… I did this for you... And I was so angry...“.

 

Lapis felt a fuzzy hot thing inside her stomach, expanding through her chest and even her throat at those words, even if it finished with the confession for anger and the reason she left, the fact that the blonde choose the barn for her was filling her thoughts. As nothing else came from Peridot’s mouth, the blue haired girl muttered just three letters, her eyes looking up and searching for the face of the girl in front of her, searching for any kind of lie or half truth she could say, “Why?”.

 

“Because I… Because I care about you… Because you are my friend and I need you, you know?” Peridot’s green eyes darted through the table, between the cups and settled in their hands, her fingers hold tighter the skin of Lapis as her pulgar started to roam over the back of that hand, “You became the most important person in my life at this moment… I don’t want let those memories, our memories go away too…”.

 

The last “O” sound hanged like the sword of Damocles, the little confession making both faces go red and the hold on their hands a little more loose, the power of the words made this position so sweet but at the same time so hard for both of them, Peridot was afraid to keep going, knowing full well that if she opened her mouth once again she could throw everything away, that if she confessed she could lost Lapis, her pillar and most valuable friend, just because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. 

 

Because, who would love Peridot? This small and skinny nerd, with weird hair and big glasses?, Who would love a girl that wasn’t whole and couldn’t get over an accident?, Who would care about a girl that was punched and left to the side always?

 

Who would care about a broken girl that only has nightmares?, Who would love a murderer? Who would be there for a gal that was so touched by the past and her previous relationships that couldn’t give the first step? Lapis just wanted to tell her feelings, to let it loose, but the thought of losing Peridot would break her, leaving her beyond any kind of saving, Lapis watched the fingers and how stiff the muscles of her hand felt , how the little caress made her heart jump and a drum, over and over again, and Lapis knew that every good thing began with a leap of faith, Peridot showed her that she could be a friend, the best one, Peridot reminded her the memories of a bygone Lapis, of a brunette even after all this things happened… So why not?.

 

“I love you Peridot.”.

 

It was a look of shock in Peridot’s eyes that made her stop in her tracks.

 

It was just the fact that the blonde thought she heard wrongly, that something had happened and Lapis didn’t just said that she...

 

“I love you Peridot… In a… friends way…” Mind screaming coward over and over again.

 

“I… I do too… As… As a best friend no?” Pulse quickening, like the steps of a horse, one after the other, deafening her ears as she hoped she hadn’t fucked this up.

 

“Yes… As a friend…” Lapis finally stood and wrapped her arms in her neck, feeling that the ghostly touches she felt before coming down were nothing compared to the slim arms in her back, pushing her against a warm body, the bluenette kissed the pale freckled forehead once before walking away, hiding with the turn of her heels the blush that took over her entire face and even her neck.

 

The terror on those green eyes made her afraid of continue on, the jump, the faith she once had disappearing at the surprised and afraid look that was present… so she settled in the next best thing she could, Love could exist between friends, no?, she scolded herself over and over as she took the steps up the ladder, she almost managed to lose Peridot just because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Jumping over the bed and holding a scream of frustration and fear as she kept her face against the pillow she once slept in, Lapis felt happy inside, at least she said part of her true feelings, for once Lapis was sincere enough with Peridot to tell her how she really felt.

 

The smaller girl knew she had to settle for something that wasn’t what she wanted, Lapis liked Jasper type girls, how could she care about the little blonde that only had a barn and half the legs a normal person had, that didn’t have muscles or any kind of physical strength, Peridot eyes never left the ground as her skin felt hotter by the second, irradiating warm from her red cheeks, a smile plastered over her lips. She could settle with best friends, at least saying that she loved her and knowing that she was loved back, even if it was in another way, was the best a nerd could hope from a goddess like Lapis.

* * *

 

On Sunday they left the barn, the sun high in the sky as they took the bus, reminiscing every moment they shared during the week, all the cold nights where they slept together, holding the other as close as they could, cuddling as soon as they were under the covers, savoring the honey sweet memories of the jokes they said and things they played, of the smiles they had on their faces and they kept as their took their sits on the bus, hands quickly finding the others as the tradition had became, snuggling against their bodies and finding a good way to sleep on the way to “Empire City”.

 

Just before sleeping, surrounded by the lavender smell that filled all her good dreams, that kept the nightmares away every night, Lapis lingered on the promise she made to the blonde after one of their talks in the weekend, knowing full well that when they got there she would have to confess what had happened with her father, that she would tell her mother after so much time that she was guilty, that she felt guilty for his dead.

 

Lapis wouldn’t do that if she was alone, but knowing that Peridot promised to be at her side at every moment of the conversation made her feel better, made her feel strong and able to do everything. Squeezing her fingers once, the blue haired girl closed her eyes and drifted into sleep, mind only focused on the essence she could steal from the girl curled against her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! I hope you like this episode, Remember that next week is a double feature one! Saturday and Sunday both with a new episode, so get ready.
> 
> We're in the final touches of thsi story, and what a journey has been for me... Only 7 Episodes more to go, Are you happy with this story until now? I wanna know so much how do you feel about it, or what do you think this 7 Chapters have for all of you.
> 
> Any kind of comment, suggestion or anything you want to tell me is appreciated, here and in my tumblr [AlexVaz01.tumblr.com], and... If you are still here after all this time, Thank you!


	20. (Feeling) Blue

Lapis felt ashamed of her wet sweaty hand as she intertwined her fingers with Peridot, their first steps under the local bus. The sun falling over the building and houses around them, covering everything in the perfect orange/yellow tint that Lapis couldn’t help but love. A few jokes as they walked hand in hand under the shadows of trees and the bright warm light that fell over them, a smile in the bluenette’s lips even if her heart grew heavier with every step. The stern sad look on her mother's eyes was a image she expected, Lapis could remember how her heart broke at the news, how her mom cried for days, weeks and months and never recovered fully, Lapis could remember the sleepless nights hearing her mother cry, how her house felt from a bright place, clean and all, with light pouring from the windows and life in the air, into a place that had heavy blue curtains blocking almost every sunray, banning them from inside, a place that almost never had any food and the plates stacked one over the other in the sink until someone cleaned them up. It was the history and fall of Blue Diamond, the loving mother that lost her will to live, and Lapis was about to face those small, sad and determined eyes, and tell her to the face that she killed her other half.

 

The blue haired girl jumped when she felt her fingers pressed against the concrete, Peridot had her lips half open and her eyes worried.

 

“Lapis? Are you ok? You are kinda spacing out.”.

 

“What?... No, no Peri” She started calling her Peri during the weekend and after much teasing and mocking and false displays of anger, the blonde allowed her to keep the nickname, only if she could call her Lazuli in return “I guess I’m worried?”.

 

Lapis felt a tug on her hand, forcing the blue haired girl to turn around in her toes, into the warm and tight embrace of Peridot’s arms, “I’m here, everything is going to be fine, ok?”.

 

Lapis just nodded, the bright red blush in her face not allowing her to much more. As soon as the hug ended she lowered her head, trying to hide the crimson cheeks behind blue hair, walking faster and pulling the smaller girl to her house.

 

The big brown door’s junctures made a cracking sound that echoed through the black corridors of the house, not other sound but the lowly breath of the girls, the only light the bright orange that passed through their shadows. Lapis took the first steps as she fastly turned to her left in the first door, reaching the living and turning the lights on, a cold yellow tint enveloping the room as Peri entered with a little smile plastered on her lips.

 

“Is this where you live? A little dark no?” Her voice teasing but her eyes showing worriedness about her, everything Lapis did was to walk closer, whispering like the walls had ears and talking there wasn’t safe.

 

“Yes.” Her laugh clear as a river, a little snort that the bluenette holded with the back of her hand as the two blue pools in her face grew smaller, “Can you wait here, I’m gonna look for my mom.”.

 

Peridot sat down fidgeting with her fingers nervously as Lapis lost herself in the dark corridor, passing door after door, the sad kitchen and the mountain of dirty plates on the sink, the closed door of what used to be her father office, the mirror that changed Lapis’s life, the taller girl stopped right in front of it, facing her fears and tremors and she felt better, the one in the mirror didn’t had those cruel sadistic eyes, it wasn’t the monster she believed she was, Peridot’s words had managed to go through her heart and made her feel better about it, but her heart ached and hurt deeply even after the change, this time her fist didn’t traveled to the shattered pieces, but a piece of her heart was left behind as she walked to the next door and knocked with almost no strength.

 

“Mom?” After a minute or so, the figure of a tall woman, her hair almost fully white, contrasting against the dark of the place, eyes mirror of the ones looking at her, drowning in sadness and prickling with tears in the corners, a long blue dress, more akin to a cloak that hid her body appeared before her, “C-Can you come?... I need to talk something with you.”

 

“Can’t be here?” Questioning eyes shot her a languid look.

 

“Please?...”.

 

A slow nod was her first answer, “I’ll be there in a little.”.

 

Peridot was still quiet in the sofa, her fingers roaming through her knees when Lapis came back, crashing at her side and leaning her body against her shoulder. She felt some words whispered against the fabric of her clothes, but didn’t understood the meaning, the bluenette didn’t move again, until a taller figure appeared in the room, the blonde fastly stood up, examining the woman in front of her, before stuttering her greetings.

 

“H-H-Hello, I’m Peridot… I’m Lapis’s friend… Good to meet you miss…?”.

 

“Miss Diamond, Blue Diamond.”. She answered gracefully, before turning around to see her daughter, “Does she needs to be here?” .

 

“Yes.” The bluenette answered, “Actually… She convinced me to tell you this.” A brown brown went up in her face as she sat in a chair, facing directly her daughter. Peridot fell to the sofa and Lapis moved herself to be as close as the blonde as she could, “She… She’s my friend, and… I want her to be here.”.

 

“What do you wanted to tell me, Lapis?”.

 

Time lingered on for minutes, Lapis struggling to find the words to start, unable to find any kind of solid ground to continue, until she felt an arm sneaking through her back, just behind the skin of her neck. Peridot’s arm felt so hot as her own came to meet the end, fingers finding each other, tangling themselves and giving her the words she needed.

 

“It was an accident… Papa’s death…” She closed her eyes, eyelids tightly pressed against soft skin, “I… I just wanted to surprise him… I jumped out of the basement and… and he had his attack… I… I killed her mom…” Lapis felt the tight hold of her fingers press a little more, “I… I didn’t wanted to do it… but… but I was so afraid… I couldn’t talk… And then they took him, and you went… and I… I just kept going… You were so sad… I… I didn’t wanted you to fault me too… I’m so sorry mom…”

 

Blackness overwhelmed Lapis as she confessed her sins, like falling into that well known black pit over and over again, she couldn’t keep talking, she couldn’t cry, she couldn’t open her own eyes, the bluenette felt herself fall deeper and deeper into a worse state of mind, afraid, so afraid of talking, until she felt a whisper in her ear.

 

“C’mon Lazuli, I’m here, You can do it… I love you… I know you can.”.

 

Eyes still closed but the strength to keep pushing skin against skin wasn’t there anymore, Lapis was still afraid, but the fall had been stopped and Peridot’s voice was the parachute.

 

“I… never intended this to happen… and I’m so sorry… I don’t want you to hate me… or to kick me… or… or anything… I’m sorry mom, I truly am.”.

 

Moments passed until Lapis opened her eyes, feeling two cold hand cup her cheeks, finding the other pair of blue eyes in front of her, not angry and disappointed as she expected, but filled with such a compassion. Next thing she felt is how wet her face felt, tears starting to roam the length of her skin as Peridot’s arm disappeared from her body, replaced with the two of her mom, holding her back against the slender body.

 

“My little daughter… Why didn’t you tell me?” A hand roaming through the length of her short hair, “I… I wouldn’t kick you out… I mean… it wasn’t your fault.”.

 

Lapis broke, her silent tears becoming loud sobs, rocking her full body, Peridot moved away, standing, watching the scene unfold with a smile in her lips, but worry in her heart, it hurted to see the woman she loved breaking that badly, but it was what she needed, to feel her mom at her side, Peridot watched as Lapis’s mother shushed the fears away, whispering little words or maybe a lullaby by the rhythm they followed, Peri stood up for minutes until the taller girl didn’t move anymore, just her chest rising and falling with her breath.

 

“I’m sorry mom.”.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry about, It was an accident… We both loved and love your father… very much… I know you didn’t wanted to kill him… That’s what matters… I wish you’ve told me sooner…”.

 

“But you suffered so much… You cr-”.

 

“And you?... Don’t tell me you didn’t… We are family, Lapis Lazuli… We are to be together through the worst of times… But it doesn’t matter now… At least we can have a little more closure like this… no?”.

 

A sweet nod was everything Blue Diamond felt against the wet clothes in her chest.

* * *

 

When Peridot noticed the black sky out there she stood up quickly, “I should really go, I need to go to my dorm.”.

 

Lapis stood like a spring, almost jumping at her side, tangling her arms in the back of the blonde, “I know… Be careful ok?... And send me a message when you get there.”. A little kiss left in her cheek.

 

The smaller girl of the circle just blushed as she then gave her hand to Lapis’s mother, that answered with a firm shake and a little smile in her lips, Peridot could see the resemblance between that smile and the one that warmed her heart everyday, “Thank you, for being my daughter’s friend, I’m happy to meet you Peridot.”.

 

The cold air welcomed outside as she walked, her hoodie over her shoulders and darkening her face, hands in her pockets as she walked fastly, one, two, three streets until she saw the bus stop so close, Peridot had a smile in her lips as the music on her headphones died between a song and the next, hearing the distinct voice of the one she loved calling for her.

 

“Peridot! PERI!”. She turned around and found Lazuli running towards her, her arms nude beneath her short sleeved shirt and her long legs showing her skin beneath the shorts she wore that day, “Wait!”.

 

“What happened?” When the red faced bluenette stood by her side she put a hand on her shoulder, trying to catch her own breath, panting at the cold air.

 

“C-Can you come?... Mom said that is not safe to go so late… You can stay.”.

 

Peridot snickered and took her hoodie slowly, “Lets go, and put this, the cold sweat can make you sick.”.

 

Lapis took Peri’s hand until they got back to the warm of her house, taking her over the mirror and directly to her room.

 

“Does your mom mind if we sleep toghe… if we share your bed?” A questioning tone as she watched Lapis cleaning a little the clothes thrown in the floor.

 

“Yes… She doesn’t care…” Walking around she pushed a door, signaling inside with her hand, “Now… go in here and take a shower, I’ll have some clothes for you when you are ready.”.

 

After a while, teasing, playing and enjoying, Peridot cuddled at the side of Lapis in the narrow bed, an old blue shirt over her body, searching for the warm embrace of the girl she felt in love with.

 

Sleep didn’t came for Lapis easily, she let herself enjoy the little blonde at her side, reminiscing the words that her mother told her before running for her.

 

“She seems like a good girl… Do you know that she has my blessing?, You two look lovely together.”.

 

The bluenette fell asleep some minutes later, words repeating in her mind, a content smile in her face and dreams full of Peridot, Peridot and Peridot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might ask yourself why I did a special upload this week, Well... it's currently 00.01 in my country, Saturday, September 2nd.
> 
> 22 years ago, I was born this day.
> 
> My self gift was more time to write, and my gift to all of you is a double episode this week.
> 
> As always, Any kind of comments warms my heart so much.
> 
> See you tomorrow! I hope you enjoy this episode and thank you for being here.


	21. Week

On Monday they woke together, bodies tightly pressed together, inhaling the essence of the other at the same time that they let the air left their lungs, Limbs tangling themselves like a spider's web, warmth traveling from one body to the other, Lapis opened her two sapphires first, enjoying, with a light blush in her face, how Peridot was drooling a little over her arm. In the dark of the night the bluenette moved her hand, petting Peridot’s hair little by little, caressing the weird form that it had, how it left her forehead exposed, how soft it felt against her fingers. Encapsulated in those thoughts she didn’t noticed how her partner had opened her eyes and how it looked back at the blue ones, but Lapis felt the words that came from her mouth.

 

“Five more minutes… Please Lapis?” Like a plead, with half closed eyes Peridot looked up, begging for something that she didn’t need, permission to continue sleeping in her arms. In fairness, it was everything that the taller girl wanted, now, tomorrow, in a week, next month, after a year, forever, the warm feeling of the blonde pressed against her body, the perfect hair between her fingers, traveling like water in a river, the air that Peridot breathed into her, filling her, intoxicating her, making her head dizzy and her soul fall more and more.

 

“Do you have classes?” She asked, part of loving the other one is to let their future shone over the selfish desires of one, of her, and if she had to let Peri stand up and go to class, against what she wanted the most, she would do it. 

 

"Fuck those clods.” Was her answer, snuggling against the chest of the girl, and falling to sleep soon after, Lapis followed her.

* * *

 

Tuesday night was the worst part of Peridot’s week, Lapis wasn’t with her in bed after a long long time, the covers felt really cold against her bare arms.

 

She thought about the face of the bluenette, in every feature; On her forehead, small and more pale than the rest of her skin, on her blue beautiful eyes, pair of sapphires that enchanted her, that didn’t allowed to look away, on her cheeks, on how red they were when something happened, on how Lapis tried to hid it with her hands, on how she tried to hid it facing away, Peridot thought about her lips, full and so juicy, on all the desires she had to have them pressed against hers, her hand traveling to her mouth, touching, feeling and almost gasping, wishing and almost pleading for the chance to do it, the blonde then thought of her smile, how warm and inviting it felt when she saw it, how much she wanted to plaster it forever in her face, to make it so that Lapis never had to cry again, she kept thinking about jaw, the form of her face, any detail that she could leave behind before letting her mind roam in her hair, on the way it poofed itself in the from and combed a little, on how shy she was about touching it once.

 

*beep beep beep*

 

Against her free hand, pressed in her chest, her phone beeped like a madman, her eyes half closed against the light of the screen, bothering her look and forcing her to wait some seconds to get accustomed with the way it shone.

 

Blue Inhuman Rock: Peri? Are you there?

 

Peridot smiled at the words of the girl that stole her heart, and happily tapped the letters in the screen.

* * *

 

Lapis crossed the threshold of a little coffee in the middle of the city on Wednesday, eyes seeking for a blonde triangular mane between the tables as the bright sun was at the peak, warm and forcing her to wipe some sweat of her forehead. As soon as she caught a glimpse of yellow, she walked to her side and sit in front.

 

“Hey... Peri?” A smirk in the lips on the blonde, her eyes looking a little angry or concerned, Lapis couldn’t differentiate with the way her eyes were almost in the dark.

 

“You are late Lapis!, I thought something had happened to you… At least answer your phone!” Her arms gesticulated wildly at the air. Lapis took the phone out of her pocket and noted how she had 6 lost calls, she snickered before sitting in the front and taking one hand between theirs.

 

“Peri… You do have 4 hours free… I need to leave even before you, Why are you reacting like this?”.

 

Green eyes looked like pleading puppy eyes as she looked back to the two lakes in front, “What would I do if something happened to you?” A light blush was taking her features as she hoped the dark place she choose could hide it.

 

"Don’t say embarrassing things Peridot!” A hand was promptly brought to hide her cheeks as she didn’t wanted the blonde to see the full blush that was taking over her, “Anyway… You told me you had an idea?...”

 

A stack of papers flew in front of Lapis, “Yes, tomorrow morning we’ll go to your college, I’m sure I can save your semester Lazuli.”.

 

“You are my savior you know that?” Even when she joked about it, Lapis wished she could convey how much that meant, how Peridot truly saved her.

* * *

 

Peridot walked through unknown corridors of unwelcoming white, full of administrative people that didn’t truly cared about the students, grabbing tightly the inside of her pocket she knocked the last door, a sound welcoming from the inside, Peri checked her attire, more formal than she ever dressed, but the occasion deserved the clothes she was wearing, a little gift she got from mother.

 

An hour or so later, a blonde went through the door with a smile in her lips, almost reaching her ears, over the long green dress and the cute formal jacket she was wearing, the little makeup she used, the way her hair was fixed with hair spray, the high heels and a piece of paper firmly in her hand.

 

Lapis found beautiful the way Peridot was dressed when they crossed paths, and when she heard about the contents of the card she got the only thing that Lapis wanted was to jump in her arms and kiss her like the was no tomorrow.

 

“Classes” Said a voice in the back of her head as her arms trapped Peridot, “You are a college student again thanks to her.” Peridot was truly her one and only savior.

 

Running to catch her next class, with a card signed by the principal of the college, saying that there were special circumstances that allowed her to not lose this semester even if she didn’t managed the least amount of classes the teachers could put as a limit; The best part?, A certain blonde was the one that got it from then, with a excuse she couldn’t even fathom at the moment. Peridot was special, Peridot would do anything and everything for the ones she cared, If Peridot did this for Lapis, for her friend, What would Peridot do for a girlfriend?

* * *

 

A call after classes in Friday rang long and loud in Peridot’s pocket, a pop song that plagued the radio stations and Steven managed to plaster into her mind, something about an irish pub or band, and a man of a part of great britain or something like that.

 

“Hello?”.

 

“Peridot?” A strange voice at the other side of the speaker, one she could recognize a little but couldn’t place who was.

 

“Yes that’s me, who is this?”.

 

“Blue Diamond.” At that moment her heart stopped in his tracks, air was cut of her lungs and everything burned, panic started to roam through her back, they didn’t saw each other in monday’s morning, Was she angry because they slept together?, How did she got her phone?, What had happened?, Why was Lapis mom calling her?, Did Lapis had an accident?. Moment by moment the swirl of her thought grew more pessimistic, seconds became minutes and minutes hours as the voice didn’t picked up it’s pace again, the blonde was about to open her mouth when sounds came from the other side of the phone.

 

“I wanted to make a surprise for Lapis this weekend… Could you come here Saturday please? You could stay here.”.

 

Peridot could breath again, her body starting to work normally and her tensed muscles relaxing over the realization that everything was okay and that Lapis’s mom wanted her there, that Lapis’s mom… LAPIS’S MOM WANTED HER TO SLEEP THERE AGAIN?. A scream in the top of her mind, her head blushing and a dark red taking every feature, even parts of her neck.

 

“What time do I need to be there?” The small girl managed to take out of her throat, after seconds trying to mutter a word that could be understood by another human being.

* * *

 

Lapis felt the shower rain water over the floor, her back against the mattress of her bed in a comfortable position, Peridot was as the other side of the wall, her body naked and water roaming over her. Warm was everything she could feel coming out of her cheeks at the fact that she was so close yet so far, the little surprise her mom had prepared, cooking something and having the blonde with them… With her.

 

Lapis’s heart was a whirlwind of emotions and, for the first time in months, maybe years, all of them were positive. Her mother trying to do something to make her week better, even when things didn’t changed that much, it felt like a step in the right direction. The blonde’s smile during the food, the jokes they did and how her laughter felt like the sound of a chorus of angels, singing her praises in a concert just for her. She was a student again, but she still missed her father. Lapis was happy.

 

Movement in her shoulder, Lapis opened her eyes wide to find Peridot’s ones.

 

“Maybe you could make some room for me in this bed, you clod.”.

 

Lapis rolled to her right and patted the space left, “For you, anything, you annoying girl.”.

 

Peri didn’t retorted back, a smile found its way to her lips as she lowered herself into bed. Lapis’s body felt warm, even against the heat she felt for having her tightly pressed, it was something she didn’t wanted to stop feeling.

 

An arm was drawn through her stomach and the blonde leaned into her… “friend”, hiding her face in the crook of her neck, Lapis dug her nose into the yellow mane, stealing lavender essence for her own selfish reasons.

 

Everything was alright in the world.

* * *

 

Peridot hated finals, hated studying for them on Sunday, hated them with all her might, the need to devote time into something that she didn’t liked that much, it was such a thorn in her side, it was the process she liked the least about being a college girl, but this time a bluenette was with her, at the other side of the table in the municipal library, reading slowly a book for her own tests, Peridot tried to focus but her eyes were drawn over and over to this figure, a smile crawling in her lips, the way the light fell in her back, like blessed by the god, or gods, or anything, like the image of a saint, reading holy texts, when it was just an old study book, Peridot tried to focus again in the equations in her book, but her green eyes traveled again into this godly figure she loved with all her heart.

 

Sounds muffling everything outside in the middle of the day, taking them both out of their stupor, gathering their stuff and walking to the door. A sea of people walking outside, signs raised in a protest of something they didn’t understood, blue found green as they exited the building and tried to walk through the people, but the light pushes of the sea torn them apart.

 

Peridot looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of blue, until she felt a pull in her arm, a hand she knew, with a bracelet she made, taking her, guiding her, fingers intertwining as they exited the current of people, a shy smile shared as they blushed, muscles tensing and eyes evading the other’s ones.

 

Peridot was in love, love, love.

  
And Lapis was the one driving the mad train into the depths of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I must say something to you, don't worry about the drama, is about to pick up, if this story is a rollercoaster, we are about to go in the biggest more high place of it, and fall down so fast from it!
> 
> Thank you for all your wishes and your comments, they make me really happy and are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Thank everyone of you that reads this story and see you next week!.


	22. Alleyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:
> 
> There's Blood, There's Violence and if I may say so, I tried to really depict it from my personal experience.
> 
> This is kinda a crude episode in some aspects, but is essential to this story.
> 
> I hope you can enjoy it.

Lapis could drown in the feeling of familiarity, on the idea of becoming used to this, half thrown glares between the two, the beautiful red on Peridot’s cheeks, the way she fidgeted with her nails even in the iron grip of her fingers, the way their steps became one, left, right, left, right, like a practiced dance, a choreography they’ve done a thousand times prior, but as improvised as the time they met. Lapis wanted to drown in this familiarity because it was everything she ever wanted, Peridot’s hand between hers, walking between the streets of the city, dodging people left and right with a hold on the other, with the nights they slept together and how sweet it felt to share this moments, on how, even at this moment, she wanted to pinch her own skin, being afraid of waking up and realize everything around her was a dream, Peridot made the worse moments don’t look that bad, and the beautiful ones shine like a supernova exploding two feets away from you, blinding you in the most primal of explosions, capable of creating an entire new universe for them. Lapis drown in the sense of familiarity as they stepped into a bus stop and she felt her arm pulled by slim and slender fingers, green everything she could find as their eyes crossed paths and they kept their gazes for a second too long, like putting the correct piece in a 10.000 pieces white puzzle, or getting all the test’s answers right, or even when all the gears of a machine well oiled fall in contact, woking perfectly after hours of tinkering them, suddenly closer and closer, green pulling her, the pale face and the freckles that multiplied themselves with every inch were closer and closer, nothing could bother this moment, nothing could break the spell, Lapis thought as she closed her eyes, closer and closer, leaning into the smaller gir-.

 

“LAPIS!” A tiger’s roar, snapping them out of that, a shiver running through both of their backs, one out of fear, wanting to get in a hole, hide and never being seen again, the other one felt a thunder running up her spine, a voice she didn’t want to hear her anymore, not one more time in her life, “Lapis Lazuli, I found you at last!”.

 

Peridot didn’t turn around, shaking in place and hiding her tiny frame between the bluenette and the place where the hulking woman’s voice came. Lapis turned slowly, afraid to find a long blonde hair that she didn’t miss, floating freely into two well toned shoulders, skin under the bright sun, a little sweaty, thin and strange lines traveling through the free skin of a girl she once liked, but now was nothing more than the sad reminder of herself in the past. Lapis Lazuli turned in her heels, her hands in the back holding Peridot’s ones, trying to stop the unsetting shaking that became stronger with each step she took towards them.

 

“Jasper.” Words almost spit with venom the moment she got to her side.

 

“You do remember me.” A smile grew in those slim lips, “How have you been?”

 

“Fine, I’m fine” A protective growl coming from her mouth, an unsetting shaking felt in her hand, hidden in her back, Lapis gave it a little press, just a little grab, trying to give the littler girl a little strength, the only thing she felt was a face pressing in her back, trying to hide of the monster in front of them.

 

“Haven’t you missed me?” An arm drawn in the bluenette’s shoulder, the body under the strong muscles shuddering at the touch, “I must be honest… I have-”.

.

The back of her arm pushing the other’s one firmly and strongly, as the words are sputtered of her mouth like a gun, with all the strength that she can muster at the moment, “Jasper, get away from me.”.

 

A big frown in the amber eyes the bluenette used to love appeared right away, Lapis wanted to escape, she wanted to hide and run. but Peridot was behind her, the blonde that knew Jasper and was beaten over and over again by the hulking of an idiot she had in front, the same that was shaking like a leaf hidden behind her slender body, Lapis stood up for her, because that was what she needed to do.

 

“Lapis, I KNOW you, No one can handle you… Your humor and your explosions, when you get angry and want to push everyone away, I’m the one that can be there, I AM! No one else, and you know it.” Hands grabbing the tiny arms between big fingers, pressing the skin forcefully, leaving red marks already.

 

Lapis wanted to fall again, she knew she was broken and in some ways, some sick paths she had found solace in the relationship they used to share, Lapis had killed her father, she deserved a tainted love, she deserved the hate and the bad mouthing, the insults and the violence, she deserved to be dressed up in purple marks on her skin, her mind claimed for it, pleaded for it and it even begged, “It’s what you DESERVE.” over and over, not Peridot and her loving ways, her words and her support, not the blushes and those cuddles every morning, Lapis didn’t do anything in her life to deserve her. Ready to give up, the pale hand fell from her grip, and with eyes closed she drowned, opening her mout-

 

“NO!” Two other arms in her midsection, pulling her away from it, Lapis opened her eyes to find a puzzled expression in amber ones, a face pressed against the flannel in her back, Peridot grabbing her away.

 

Time stopped for Lapis Lazuli while the tiny whispers in the back of her head won wings with the smaller girl’s shout.

 

“No.” She said, firmly, “Jasper, I hurted you and you hurted me, this isn’t healthy, Just stop it… I’m never going back with you.” Maybe she didn’t deserve Peridot, maybe she wanted to think of herself as a stone cold assassin, as someone that no one should have pity or love for, but the blonde, the barn blonde, her companion was there for her, shielding her from every bad decision, she wanted to be buried by the affection and the care, in the words that now repeated in her mind, “It was an accident.” Peri’s soothing tone and the little pats in her head. Maybe Lapis Lazuli didn’t deserve Peridot, but she didn’t deserve a toxic relationship or beating every day, maybe she would never have the love she wanted from her barn mate, but she would break ties with Jasper for good, today, “I’m through with this… And with you.”.

 

A human look in the amber eyes, hurting, even if it was for the little seconds she took a step backwards, mouth open in surprise, but suddenly those eyes focused behind her frame, in anger and rage and almost spitting fire out of them, fingers becoming tense fists as she pushed the bluenette to the side, into an alleyway that was behind her, hands grabbing the collar of the shirt of the small blonde that was hugging her moments ago, pushing her to the wall and speaking with hatred dripping out of her voice, “What did you do, you insignificant runt?”.

 

“Jasper, Stop! She didn’t do anything.” Lapis’s pleas were ignored when she pushed her again, with enough strength to make her fall to the ground, she could see how Peridot trembled against the concrete, her eyes closed in fear and her hands hiding her face as well as she could, her legs dangling and moving frantically as the tall blonde pushed her even higher, at her eye level, the arm that pushed the bluenette turning into a fist, veins clear in the skin, pumping hot blood into the red knuckles.

 

“This runt made you weak, let's see if you like it now.” A loud crack over the words when skin found her glasses, broken in half and falling to the ground, little transparent sparkles over Peridot’s cheeks, some in the powerful fist, and the rest in the nose that now showed a red liquid flowing under her unnatural position, a little more close to the rest of her face and bruising a little, maybe even broken, “Let’s see if you can love this broken runt.” Another punch into the pale face that she loved, blood splatting through her skin as the neck bounces of the wall.

 

Another and another, and as Jasper prepares the next one Lapis can notice the bruises on her skin, the swell right eye, the red thick liquid in her neck, rolling from her nose over her bruised lips, the closed pair of emeralds and the hair disheveled, Lapis can notice how her arms are falling at her side and her legs, that were moving, trying to kick or touch the ground a minute before, now are losing all their vigor, falling almost limply, like she was dying. Then and only then the bluenette can notice how stained with tears her face were, how she was biting her own hand, until it also bleed, how much fear was getting into her, watching the almost immobile body about to be hitten again against the wall, Lapis can notice that she’s in love, that she can jump even broken bridges and cliffs, how she could do anything and everything for that girl, how lost, how afraid she is of losing her, and how she’s not going to let Jasper take her away.

 

A loud scream, even through her hand, asking for help as she stands, walking toward the muscular girl, that stopped her fist in the air. Eyes only focused on her pray, on the one hitting the love of her short life, on the monster that made her own life a living hell, eyebrows knitted together as she firmly walks towards her, “Stop it, Jasper. Or I call the police, right away.”.

 

A low, grunting, dismissive scoff at those words, “You, Lap? Are you really threatening me?” A loud thump when the limp body fell of her hands into the ground, a weird bloody cough as her shoe is drawn to her midsection, “Look, you aren’t doing anythin-”.

 

A shove, with a strength she didn’t know she had, making the hulking brute take two steps, almost three behind, her voice clear and more threatening than ever, “You are going to step away from her, she has nothing to do with this. She has nothing to do with US!” Another step into the bigger woman, this time the steps behind were just natural, “I broke things because THIS IS YOU, You almost killed her. She’s nothing like you, she’s sweet and caring, and I love her. Jasper, this is my last warning. Step away from her and fuck off my life. Right. Now.”.

 

Maybe it was the fire in her eyes, the hate in which she talked, or even the calm way she did, the way that Lapis seemingly fumed smoke and even her posture threatened a girl almost a head bigger than her, but Jasper turned around and walked away, fastly even.

 

When she got out of the alleyway, Lapis fell to her knees at the side of the bruised body, her shaky fingers pressing 911, asking for an ambulance as the tears resumed, falling to her clothes and to the pale bloodied face under her, as soon as she got that underway, she couldn’t help but fall into the ground, holding the body close, as close as she could, dripping tears into the hard concrete, feeling just like the times she hugged her under the covers, but this time, there was no one at her side to hold her still.

* * *

 

Jasper threw some clothes on the bag as the radio kept it’s shouting.

 

“And at last, the daughter of the well known Yellow Diamond was found beaten on the streets. Police is conducting an investigation to find out what happened, This and much more at si-”.

 

The broken pieces jumped everywhere as the little piece of technology exploded in contact with the wall as Jasper closed the zipper in her backpack.

 

The sounds of sirens never sounded threatening before, but now it made her interiors jump and she knew she couldn’t stay here, not after hearing what she had just done.

 

The door didn’t sound as she closed it from outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this went all in no?
> 
> It was one of the first scenes I planned to write, Jasper's beating of lil' Peridot, the punches and her reactions, it changed a little too much in the 5 months and a half, but it's still as I planned it
> 
> All aboard the ending train, we are going quickly and nothing can stop us now!
> 
> I hope you can forgive me, you can leave a hate comment down there and forget that you ever did, I really love the people that week after week come here to enjoy this story and I wouldn't want anyone to be crossed at me.
> 
> As always, anything you put down there gets a big smile in my face, Thank you for everything.


	23. Love You

Lapis could memorize every detail of the white wall in front of her, the little cracks that it had in the middle, the dry blood staining at the bottom, just over the floor, where no one would take the time to clean it up because no one would be watching the same white place for hours unend, the bluenette let her hands cover her eyes, feeling the wetness of her cheeks, how swell her eyes where, the damp skin of her cheeks. She closed her eyes, but instead of black, she saw white, white and the dust in the top of it, the marks of the blue painting it had in the past just at the top of it, Lapis pressed her eyelids together but everything she could stare was the white wall of a public hospital.

 

She had to leave Peridot to the paramedics, not enough room to travel with her in the ambulance, she could vaguely remember how she screamed almost feraly, like a growl trying to protect her loved ones, she could remember how empty it felt watching the ambulance go away, the silent trip in bus towards the building where she wto

in right now, the only sounds she could hear was her own beating heart.

 

Thump, Thump, Thump, like a clock counting the seconds, Thump, Thump, Thump, like the clicking of a machine: never ending, cold and calculated, Thump, Thump, Thump, mind blank, just the beating of a pumping heart that she felt was about to throw up, she didn’t cried anymore, she didn’t need to, shock was enough to drive her forward, Thump, Thump, Thump and the hospital was in sight, Thump, Thump, Thump and the receptionist voice never sounded so far away, Thump, Thump, Thump and then she knew Peri was in a critical situation, …, …, … Lapis found a chair outside of room 302, outside of Peridot’s closed room, and sat, …, …, … Ever her beating heart had left her alone when Lapis cried her eyes out in fear of losing Peridot once again.

 

The taller girl opened her eyes and faced the white wall once again, noise filling the empty corridor where Peridot rested, the sound of voices, of camera’s clicks and quick steps, closer and closer as Lapis questioned herself what was happening, a quiet fire starting to burn in her, Who dared interrupt the rest of the blonde?, The answer revealed when a tall muscular woman appeared by the corner, a swarm of cameras and journalists behind.

 

Yellow Diamond was even more imposing in the flesh, Lapis noticed, a suit hugging her slender figure, toned with like an athlete, but some wrinkles over the skin of her face were the proof she was aging. A little handkerchief was the only indication of her sadness, her face an angry scowl, her eyebrows almost attacking everything in front of her. A group of photographers and writers were following her, little clicks of flashes, sounds of footsteps filling the corridors. Lapis kept her demeanor low as she watched how this blonde tall woman turned in her position and faced the cameras.

 

“My p-p-poor daughter was attacked today in some alleyway in the city. I ask of you to give us space and time to heal a… a… and…” Sobs that even to the blue haired girl seemed fake, like crocodile’s tears, dropping without meaning, existing without purpose, “And to find the responsible of all of thi-”.

 

Suddenly Lapis wasn’t in her chair anymore, but her arm was pulling the famous blonde’s shoulder, turning her towards her. The sight of amber eyes, filled with so many fake emotions for Peridot, for her blonde, for her love, a mom that tortured her, that punished her and even the lies she could say. Everyone knew it was Jasper, the paramedics, the police she saw there, how could she lie?. Lapis didn’t even had a moment to calm down when she found herself screaming at her crush’s adoptive mother, her fingers tensing over the shoulderpad she could clearly feel under her grip.

 

“WHAT?, No responsible? I was there and I said it to everyone, YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS! It was Jasp-”.

 

An angry, deep frown made her, even with all the fire she felt inside, stop her on her tracks, wincing and taking two steps backwards, Yellow Diamond looked determined, her tears still there, the handkerchief still covering the corners of her eyes, but a murderous rage behind all of that, one that made even Lapis want to cower in fear into a corner, but she stood her ground the best she could. The voice that came through her full lips was soft, but threatening at the same time, it was the best acting voice she could have, being in front of cameras.

 

“Well Miss…”

 

“Lazuli.” Escaping through her lips, what she said it wasn’t an order per se but she felt compelled to answer her.

 

“Well Miss Lazuli, if you have this info, why haven’t you talked with the police?” The deep frown was made even deeper, “You shouldn’t interrupt your elders when they are speaking.”.

 

“I did, I told them that your daughter was attacked by her sis-”.

 

A hand was placed in her shoulder this time, and it wasn’t in the flare of anger in that Lapis put hers into Yellow Diamond’s shoulder, it was calm and collected, the slender fingers of the older woman just placed over her clothes, pressing her lightly against the ground as her voice came as threatening as before.

 

“Miss Lazuli, you will not say a word, I’m her mother and, seeing as you don’t want to help her, or me, with this, I will not allow you to see Peridot in there, is that clear?” Time passed on as Lapis just stood her ground, watching as the cameras just took pictures at her dumbfounded face. “I don’t want any trouble, I’m quite sensible with all this things happening, can you leave here, please?”.

 

It was a mix of the voice, the soothing but angry, threatening tone she used, the pressure of the journalists and the fact that she didn’t even wanted to fight anymore, Lapis turned around defeated, deflated and almost giving up, and walked away from room 302, feeling the sounds of the door opening and later closing, with an opportunistic yellow demon seeing the love of her life, while she had to go away.

* * *

Lapis found herself quickly sitting in the cafeteria of the hospital, thinking about a way to go and see Peridot, even without her “Mother” permission, little by little time passed as she grew hungrier and hungrier, her body starting to react, sounds on her stomach, calling for food to feed it, a little nauseous headache in her forehead, but Lapis kept herself watching her fingers fidget with each other, letting time pass and thinking about anything that would allow her to even know something about her blonde. She jumped a little when she feel a vibration on her pocket, watching an incoming call of her mom. Something inside of her didn’t wanted to pick it up, but her body moved on it’s own accord, letting the sounds of a well know tone reach her ear.

 

“Lapis, I heard about Peridot. Are you ok?”.

 

“Yes…”.

 

“Don’t lie to me young lady, How bad are you feeling?”.

 

“I’m oka…”.

 

If there was something that she didn’t expected, what the answer she received, her mom could be a lot of things, she could mourn her father for months unend, being a depressive gal and not being there sometimes when she needed it sometimes, but she also was caring about her, her mother always tried to be there, her mother always tried to understand her, her mom never judged her, she always wanted the best for her and always found the perfect words to say.

 

"Don’t bullshit me Lapis Lazuli Diamond. I know you feel bad, I know that you probably haven’t ate a thing, I know that you want nothing but to break down and cry and I know that you are worried, I know you are in love with her and for god’s sake, please let me care about you.”.

 

The bluenette spilled the last of her tears on the phone, letting everything out as she listened to the little words of her mother, helping her, guiding her as Peridot once did, as her barnmate always did, Lapis kept crying and crying until she felt her eyes dry and her body almost dead, fatigued, Lapis kept sobbing until her mother said her goodbyes, telling her that good things are underway and that she would find a way to solve it.

 

Lapis kept sobbing even when the phone left her hands and fell into the table, Lapis let her face fell flat on the white table and sobbed some more, afraid about Peridot’s destiny, knowing full well that she couldn’t find another answer to see the girl of her dreams.

* * *

She jumped of her seat startled when a hand pushed her head a little, her mind filled with questions about where she was and what she was doing, when the voice of a boy filled her ears once again.

 

“Hey Lapis!” Steven had a sad smile in her face, he was flanked by Garnet, expression unreadable because of the shades she was wearing even indoors.

 

“Steven? What time is it?” The first questions were already answered by her thoughts, “What are you doing here?”.

 

“Well…” The boy watched the ground between the two as Garnet took a sit at his side, “I wanted to see Peri, but her mother didn’t let me in… Garnet says she can help me though! But I need to wait so I came here to eat and I found you.”.

 

“My mom is a nurse here, she can smuggle him in a little later.” A sad smile creeped on the lips of the tanned girl.

 

“C-c-can you do it for me, please?” Lapis boldness took over, even if she needed to use Steven’s contacts to get in, she needed to see how Peri has holding up, “I nee- I want to see her.”.

 

“I don’t think so… it’s too risky to get two people inside in one day, or that’s what my mom said.”.

 

Lapis’s hopes plummeted with the answer, sadness overflowing through the gates of her heart, as her stomach growled once again.

 

“Let’s eat something, ok Lapis? You are hungry and I’m sure we can think of something.” Steven gave her a reassuring grin, but she couldn’t hold more of it.

 

“I don’t want to! I want to see Peridot… I need it… Please.”.

 

“Why?” This time the black haired girl took her glasses off, leaning in the table even more, judging silently every inch of her face, “Why do you “need” i-.”.

 

“Because I’m in love with her.”.

 

A cold silence filled the table until suddenly various things happened at the same time, first of all, the redness creeped up Lapis’s face, reaching even her ears, the answer she gave was unexpected for her, it was just a reaction to a simple question, she could say that they are really good friends, she didn’t need to reveal that she was head over heels for the blonde, but her tired mind answered for her and she couldn’t do anything but to catch up to her words, blushing in a deep red that contrasted with all the blue around her face. Steven’s eyes became almost stars, his hands grabbing Lapis by the shoulders and shaking her, almost squealing in delight. Garnet gave her a knowing smile and a little thumbs up, shades coming to her eyes again, it felt like Lapis had just passed a hard test or something like that, a weird thing to feel but certainly not unwelcome.

 

“I’ll give you my place, if we need to.” Steven said after shaking her body a little with his hyperactive hands, “But… if you eat something with us, and then tell us how is she.”.

 

Lapis knew inside that she would eat even more than what she needed, if that meant being able to be with Peridot today.

* * *

Sapphire was a kind woman, the blue haired girl thought, as she walked behinds her. Garnet’s mother was small and used her hair in a way that hid her eyes, in a shade between a light blue and white and a grin in her lips, she took Lapis’s hands between hers and promised that everything was going to be ok, as they walked between corridors she told her what was Peridot’s diagnostic: Contusions, two broken ribs and enough blood lost for a lifetime, her nose was broken and one of her lungs was about to collapse for a well placed kick, in general she was stable after the transfusions, but was under a lot of things, probably passed out. Lapis made a mental note about killing Jasper once again, before reaching the door.

 

Room 302 seemed so big and unknown, like a dragon's nest, the peak of suspense and fear, before pushing the door and going inside.

 

Her hair was falling over her shoulders in a weird position, her pale face was even paler, maybe for the blood lost or something like that, her nose was wrapped up in bandages, as well as her collarbone, everything she could see under the clothes they made her wear, she could see an IV hanging from her arm, and a peaceful look on those closed eyes. Lapis heard faint indications about what she could or could not do, about how she would knock on the door to signal her way out, but she was to engrossed in watching Peridot’s body for the first time after the alleyway that she just nodded until Sapphire closed the door from the outside.

 

Lapis felt that she had no more tears to drop, but quickly realized that she was wrong.

 

Falling to her knees at the side of the bed, she grabbed the arm that didn’t had medical equipment in and cried hugging the soft but cold skin, she sobbed thinking about how bad she was, how much she lost, how everything had happened because of Jasper, and even tried to spin everything in herself, how this was her fault, how she put Peridot in this bed, because that beating was a cause of her denying Jasper what that brute wanted. But Lapis also cried of joy, of the happiness of knowing that Peridot was alive and well, and getting better, of the realization that no one could take her away, of the safeness she felt when the machine beeped with the blonde’s heartbeat. Lapis shed more tears, staining the covers, feeling sad and happy, relieved and afraid, lost and also with a strange familiarity.

 

After crying some more, even when it was almost all she did this day, Lapis focused on the face of Peridot, being so close let her count the freckles on her face in a different way on how she did on the nights, her hand came to the fluffy hair and started to pet it down, caressing slowly the scalp of her head, melting and drowning at the same time in just the expression the girl under her touch had, a peaceful slumber, even if it was on medicaments, Lapis kept her hand going through the soft hair, wishing she could just see those eyes open right at this moment and pull her into the sweetest of trances as always.

 

“I love you Peridot.”.

 

Her voice didn’t surprise her, like other times, this was something that the bluenette wanted to do more than anything in the world and this day had proven that for her.

 

She wasn’t going to run away anymore, she wasn’t going to deny it ever again. She was going to fight for Peridot’s heart, that was everything that she had clear the moment the ambulance left her side and she thought about a future without the blonde, so empty, so painful, full of nothing, dark and cold. Lapis couldn’t exist anymore without Peridot by her side, and maybe it was time to get the words out of her system, even knowing that the blonde couldn’t hear her.

 

“I love everything about you, I love this hair, I love your eyes, green like the grass, precious like a gem, I love your lips and your face, I love your blushes and when you mutter things, I love your screams and when you bicker, I love your neck and how it turns in a weird way when you shake your head too fastly. I love your shoulders and your body, I love your arms and your legs, both of them, one of them, separately or at the same time, I don’t even care. I love you Peridot Olivine. I love you and I like you and I’m so afraid, so afraid of the future, I want you there, there with me in every step that we take, in everything we made in the future, I know you are asleep and this words will fall into empty ears, but maybe they can reach your dreams, and even if they don’t, this is everything that I want you to hear every single moment of your life, how much I do love you… Please don’t leave me… I like you so much. I love you so much… Please don’t leave me.”

 

Three softs knocks, followed by a loud one, was the signal that she heard on the door, telling her that she needed to go right now.

 

Lapis exited the room, finding Sapphire in front of her with a big smile in her lips, like she knew what had happened inside.

 

She couldn’t help but mirror this expression as she closed the door behind her.

 

A little whisper came out as green eyes opened slowly.

  
“Lapis…”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near! Run in fear because we are in the last part!
> 
> At least Lapis got it out of her system, no?
> 
> As always, you make me so happy with every comment, and I would love to know what you think about that confession.


	24. Letter

The loud beeping of a machine woke up Peridot from her slumber, a white ceiling greeting her, light falling in a side, oranges and yellows overtaking everything. She tried to move her hand, but her muscles ached as she did it, the blonde then moved her neck and felt how tense it was, how much it hurts and how she couldn’t hold her head up more than a few seconds, letting her hair fall into the pillow once again. Her green eyes darted through the room, capturing all in herself, the emptiness of the place, the obnoxious sound of her heartbeat, the way she felt the IV dropping tear after tear of viscous liquid directly into her body, how hard it was for her to breath normally, her chest feeling constricted against the blue clothes that they had given her. After drinking her surroundings in, Peridot recalled what had happened, How the muscular fists felt against her face, how the hard shoe sinked in the middle of her torso, how the blood dripped through her skin, how powerless she felt, flapping her feets into the air, trying to push, pull, to fight back, but the other blonde was too strong for her. 

 

The small girl opened her eyes, without even noticing when she closed them, and focused on her hand, in a tightly made fist that made her muscles ache even more, she tried to calm down as much as she could, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, but couldn’t find any kind of solace, a world of black between herself and peace of mind, Peridot never was good with feelings, and even with how much she tried and trained to drown them down, after the accident, after her leg, after Yellow Diamond, she felt overwhelmed by them, overflowed by sadness and desolation and loneliness, Peridot was once again alone in a hospital room, and tears threatened to flow freely through her cheeks.

 

But a little light came at the end of the tunnel, a tall blue haired girl at her side, suddenly those blacks weren’t that strong and little drops of sky were falling into them. A dream of maybe the drugs in her body, making her feel the warm touch of Lapis, not just before falling unconscious in the middle of an alleyway, the image of Lapis holding her hand in a hospital room, whispering soft words that may be lost in the haze of an unfocused mind, Peridot felt lost but hopeful, just the image, just the feeling of one Lapis Lazuli being there, wanting to be there, just the bubbling hope that a little “I love you.” Or even some, “Don’t leave me.” That she could recall either from a dream or something else, Peridot wanted to be crushed under the weight of maybe inexistent words, the blonde just wanted them to be truth as the patches of blue became predominant. Suddenly helplessness wasn’t surrounding her, but a calm breath and the image of a smiling blue haired girl in front of her.

 

Peridot forced her arm to move and pressed a button at her side.

 

A nurse came quickly after, and the blonde asked for three things after the basic check up, knowing full well that she would need to stay in here for a few days.

 

Her phone was the first one arriving there, and she quickly called one of her first contacts, under the name of “Steven Universe.”.

* * *

 

Lapis Lazuli was caught by the sound of her phone ringing in her ear, the sun high in the sky as she opened her eyes. Almost 3 PM and she was still thrown in her bed, she made a mental note to thank or kill anyone who was at the other side of the phone, depending on how much she hated them, as she pressed the green button in her screen and swiped right.

 

“Hello?” Groggy voice came through her tired throat, dry after the tears she dropped last night trying to fall asleep for hours.

 

“Lapis?” She couldn’t place very well who’s voice this was, even if she tried, and the kill option was looking tempting by the second, “Is me, Steven.”.

 

“Steven!?” She jumped of her bed, fully woke, “What happened?”.

 

“Nothing… I mean… I’m outside, Can you come?”.

 

Lapis watched her body, an old shirt thrown over it and some sweatpants pressed against her skin, “I’m going, give me a second.”.

 

The loud beep signaled the end of the call as she let the phone fall into the mattress, her feet searching for a pair of slippers that should be there, and the taller girl stood up after a moment, legs weak and wobbly as she walked out of her room, her way to the entrance of the house.

 

Last night was the worse, even when she got to see the blonde, the way back home was long and painful, she didn’t cried again, but she felt a empty space inside, sucking all the happiness she once felt at her side. Lapis Lazuli had just confessed her feelings to a hospitalized Peridot, sleeping and probably drugged enough to not feel pain, the chances of her listening something of her confession were already low, but she couldn’t help but want to scream at the four winds and seven seas that she was in love with that small rounded face and those freckles that seemed like constellations under her watchful eye. Only one glance of the tucked body of the blonde amidst all those medical stuff was enough to make her feel, but as soon as she left the premises, those feelings were replaced with nothing but despair and uncertainty.

 

As soon as she arrived to her house. she was greeted by a warm meal and a big hug from her mother, something remaining of the times there were three people living under that roof, but not something unwelcomed, Blue Diamond just sat silently at the other side of the table, just being there, not pushing Lapis for answers or small talk, with a worried frown that was a relic from times past, from the times she got from high school with a bad grade or too late because she spent too long studying in a public library or a friend’s house. The blue haired girl enjoyed the silent company as she ate enough to make her full, still with a hole inside of her, avoiding the possibility of crossing looks with her mother and quickly standing as soon as the food was over, She wanted nothing but to go to bed and hide behind the covers, like a shroud that could protect her from everything bad that could happen in the future, from the possibility of Peridot’s situation getting worse or another fight with the blonde’s mother.

 

Her wrist was grabbed and pulled into another tighter hug, her mom whispering little things at her ear, mentioning Peridot’s name and Lapis broke once again, crying dry sobs that rocked her body, held this time by the arms of Blue Diamond. Lapis let her mouth speak with her, about her insecurities and fears, Lapis talked about Peridot and the first time she went to the barn and how she met the smaller girl, how tender she was and how much in love she felt, Lapis Lazuli faulted herself for the beating and for backing off, she whispered her fear of waking in the morning to find that she was alone all over again, she faulted herself because she was a coward, waiting for something like this to confess her feeling even when she could had done it sooner.

 

Blue Diamond listened with attention, holding her in a protective cocoon for as long as she needed it, whispering praise and understanding, without asking for answers or explanations, just being there until she finished, her words clear and clean, “It’s not your fault Lapis, You did everything you could.” And, “You are not alone anymore.”.

 

Lapis went away, with puffy red eyes and a little sad smile in her lips, “Thank you mom.” Was all that she said, Blue Diamond didn’t need more to feel like she had blossomed a beautiful daughter.

 

Sleep didn’t come easy for the bluenette, twisting and turning in bed even after letting everything out, eyes closing she faced the dark of the night, always full of terrors, and an uncertain path ahead of her, fear of not knowing kept her awake for hours until exhaustion took over and she dropped fully asleep.

 

That’s why it was 3 PM and the first thing she was doing was to open the door for the curly hair of a boy well known.

 

“Lapis!” He jumped in ecstasy as soon as the door was open. “I got some great news!!”

 

“What happened, my summer fun bud.” She replied with a smile on her face, it was impossible to be sad with all the energy Steven gave to everyone around.

 

“Peridot is fine!” She jumped once again, this time to her arms, hiding in her chest, “Peridot is awake!!”.

 

Lapis’s eyes watered of surprise, on just joy of knowing that her crush was up and running, that she had woke up, but a jealous seed was in the deep of her heart, pressing and crushing, How did Steven knew even before her?, Did Peridot called him instead of her?. Lapis felt instantaneously bad, but she couldn’t help but feel that way, her arms crossed anyway behind the back of the boy, holding him close as he kept talking.

 

“She called me today and… And asked me something.” Steven went away with a serious look for a second, before exploding into another of her signature smiles, “She wanted me to give you this.”.

 

A piece of paper, folded two times was presented in front of Lapis, she took it between her fingers, feeling a heaviness that wasn’t there.

 

“I would love to stay, but I need to go.” The boy gave her another little hug before running away, “Read it Lapis!”

 

The bluenette stood in the threshold of her house, without the ability of understand what just happened. If her assumptions were correct, Peridot had woken up, called Steven, written something and sent the boy to her door, to give her this paper; She knew the blonde was weird in a way, but this was strange even for her, Lapis closed the door and sat in the couch, unfolding the paper.

 

A set of messy letters were on the page, Peridot’s handwriting was really weird, curling a little but at the same time static, Lapis already knew it, but it was still weird to have a letter made for her, she focused her eyes and started to read.

 

_ “Lapis Lazuli: _

 

_ As you may know, I’m the queen of cowards, I’m not brave at all, I can’t say many things that are in my heart, I’ve been on a house where everyone tortures me, I’ve been alone for so much time and my social skills are lacking. _

 

_ I’m so different from everyone, but in a bad way. _

 

_ I’m incomplete, I love 80’s soap operas and I have little figurines of Anime stuff hidden in my closet, I can’t defend myself or another person, I suffer in silence and without speaking and I’m afraid even of my shadow sometimes, but I kept walking forwards. _

 

_ Maybe as an offering to my parents, because that’s what they wanted for me, I kept going forward, over and over, I kept the barn and I kept pushing and struggling, It didn’t matter how much Jasper could punch me, or the other mock me, or even my new Mom hate me, I kept going and going. _

 

_ And I gave up one day. _

 

_ You are now the reason I’m standing in here, You are the reason I survived hunger and loneliness, You are the person that made my heart beat over and over again after the worst beating on my life, You are the reason I want to be alive right now. _

 

_ As I said, I’m a coward and I’m incomplete, I don’t have social skills and I don’t know much about feelings. _

 

_ I have one thing clear. _

 

_ I’m in love with you. _

 

_ I can’t say it loud and clear because I’m afraid you could reject me. _

 

_ I can’t whisper it because I’m afraid you might not listen it. _

 

_ Last night I had a dream where you confessed me and made me the happiest girl on earth, and now I need that feeling. _

 

_ If you feel something like this for me, please come as soon as possible, I’ll be waiting for you in the same room you brought me, but if you don’t feel something for me, let this be the end of our story, don’t come ever again, I’ve been heartbroken enough times and I don’t want to face you knowing that those feeling will never be returned. _

 

_ I love you, Lapis Lazuli Diamond. _

 

_ And I’ll love you forever. _

 

__ __ _ Peridot Olivine.” _

  
The only sound that echoed in the house was the frontal door closing once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more weeks to go.
> 
> Peri's a coward and it's so afraid of things going badly, I kinda understand her position of not wanting to see Lapis when she did this.
> 
> Anyway, I can promise you two things.
> 
> A kiss is coming.
> 
> The drama is not over yet.
> 
> As always, any comment is so greatly appreciated, any kind of words makes me so happy and bright inside.
> 
> See you all next week!


	25. News

Peridot hated the flashes and questions, the blonde was once again a publicity stunt; When she hopefully thought the second person entering her room was Lapis, it turned out to be her mother and a swarm of journalists, the tall blonde talked about how important was that she was recovering, how a good treatment she was getting and how happy she felt about her being safe, Yellow Diamond didn’t give Peridot even a second to talk, but she even gave her something that could look like a loving embrace to the untrained eye, sucking all the air in her chest the moment she tried to speak, flashes flying all around her. The hospitalized girl didn’t even hear a word talking about Jasper or how she got here, nor even a thanks to the blue haired girl that called the ambulance when she was a beaten pulp thrown in the streets of _“Empire City”_. Peridot waited because she could do nothing but that, laying in a pure white bed and waiting for the people to go away, she didn’t answer one question or made one statement, she instead tried to lose all focus in what was happening inside of the room, thinking about blue, blue and blue as usual, but this time with the constant fear of Lapis never coming again, like a looming presence or a trap about to fire off, Peridot was on edge with every passing second, tick tock goes the clock as Peri waits for Lapis.

 

A hand pulling her of the stupor she fell, suddenly she notice the lack of sound around her, everyone had left, except for the businesswoman, sitting in a chair and dropping the worried mother facade, with an angry frown and a stoic face Yellow Diamond focused her amber eyes in the blonde girl.

 

“I don’t have time for waiting Peridot, I have important work to do.” Her arms were on her lap, her posture firm and static as the rising sun shone behind her, the smaller girl had her green eyes half closed, trying to focus them to the excess daylight. She felt a sharp crack in her cheek before the word continue rolling of her tongue, as dripping malevolous poison, Peridot’s hands over the red hot hurting skin as Yellow Diamond kept talking, “We’re not to talk about what happened, or another one of those will be waiting for you. This is your fault and you will do well remembering that.”.

 

The tall amber eyed woman left the room at a fast pace after her words, without even giving Peridot a chance to speak her mind, the blonde girl kept covering the razor sharp slap that she received with tears prickling at the corner of her eyes, frustration and pain, sorrow and suffering battling over her heart, she couldn’t grasp why, why was she just a mere tool for her adoptive mother, even if she blamed her for many of her problems, it hurt deeply and heavily, a scar bleeding open once again, how little value she had for the people around her, just a cheap bargain chip for public attention and praise, a punch bag and a way to get a good position in a company, A dry tear rolled over her cheek, the impotency of feeling like this, she hated that even after all of what had happen in her entire life since meeting Yellow Diamond, she still wanted words of praise from this voice, Peridot didn’t drop another tear, but her hand felt cold against the burn mark of several fingers.

 

Peridot dreaded this silence, seemingly falling around her, how calm the ambient was and how small the room felt, white made her feel uneasy, she didn’t belong here, trapped between this four walls, this wasn’t her place, the warm cheek a sad reminder of her position, just a pawn in a game she never got to choose, the blonde looked languidly to the glass at the side, building seemingly growing as a concrete jungle outside, one she was wanting to be part of but also escape, Peridot wanted the barn to be around her, the only place where she truly felt free, with the only person she could ever feel comfortable, her eyes lowered as the sun traveled through the sky and she fell into a stupor.

 

The blonde jumped from her sit when the door was strongly pushed open, smashing against the wall and bouncing of it, finding the blue haired girl she was dreaming with, panting to the air and with sweat running through her forehead. Peridot didn’t reacted when she walked closer, it may had been fast or maybe slow, for her the time was coated in honey, running as a muddy river, slow, so slow. She could later remember everything, how the light shone over the room, how the tanned skin was bright under the sun, how the blue eyes were focused, happy, hopeful and really nervous, how a big smile was in her lips, enough to show a little of those perfect white teeth in the middle of the tanned face that was everything that she wanted.

 

A step, then two and then three.

 

Peridot fell into the pillow again when she felt a pair of lips over hers, pushing her body against the white covers.

 

Two arms drew over her neck and pulled her closer, as the mere contact burned her inside, raw instinct was all she was, her hands finding the sides of Lapis and tugging her shirt, pressing it, giving and taking, trying to convey everything in her heart, trying to move with the little strength she had, trying to feel her as close as she could.

 

The kiss was chaste and short, but that doesn’t meant it wasn’t the most breathtaking experience in their entire lives. In the span of the little seconds their lips grew together, Lapis felt company as ever after, her heart swelled with love and adoration, eyes tightly closed at the feeling of being pulled close, at the notion that this was what Peridot wanted, of the feeling of being wanted, needed even, on the idea of Peridot loving her back. The blonde was in shock, going from one trance to the other, first it was the little birds singing outside the window, seconds later, her mind was turned off as her primal needs begged for more, but she couldn’t push herself into it, part of shyness and the rest of inexperience, it took some seconds for her brain to catch up on what was happening, Lapis Lazuli was kissing her and Peridot was the happiest girl in the planet.

 

As soon as the blue haired girl pulled back, she rested their foreheads together, a happy smile in her face as her eyes opened, Peridot just found love inside of them and in a second blue became her favorite color.

 

“You don’t know how much I wanted that.” Lapis whispered under her breath, her look focused directly into the green under her, “I’m sorry if it was unexpected… But it was everything in my mind since I read your letter.”.

 

A little laugh escaped her breath as she battled with her arm, trying to bring it into Lapis’s neck, “Can I know why?” She tried to give her the sweetest and most innocents of smiles, with a blush to match, but failing almost miserably, How could she have a better smile than the one in those tanned lips?.

 

“Because I like you Peridot, you silly.” She closed the distance again, but this times the mouths opened up slightly, the tenderness was still there, but it was starting to wear off, the desire for more in both of them started growing as their lips moved in synchronization, opening and closing, panting for the little air they could gasp outside of the other’s lungs, moving a little to one side and the other, tongues barely touching and sending ripples of electricity through their bodies, clashing in their spines and melting them together, the oxygen becoming sparse, scarce, forcing them to pull away as Lapis hid in the pale shoulder, “Because I’ve dreamed of it so much.” Panting against the pillow as she nuzzled in the tiny body under her, “Because is everything I’ve ever wanted and even more.”.

 

Peridot moved her arms to cradle Lapis, moving a little and feeling a different hotness fill her body, intoxicating, sweet, something she could happily drown in and never get away, “I really like you Lapis Lazuli…” Her hand finally moved to the back of her head, touching the fluffy hair and letting her fingers tangle in between, caressing the scalp of the bluenette, “I love you.” She whispered oh so lowly and the taller girl in her arms only heard it because of the silence enveloping the room.

 

A second passed, then another, a third one and then a fourth. A lot of moments passed and maybe a bee panel fell over Peridot’s time perception, but she felt a thousand moments pass before a pair of oceans focused on her green eyes.

 

“I love you so much, Peridot.”.

 

There’s some images you never forget in your live, for Peridot, there was a few; Falling asleep in the barn and watching her parents with a smile in the door, The time where she lost her leg, the first time she saw the mutilated part of herself, that harsh look in the mirror, but this girl, with his wide smile and her pure face, with those blue eyes and matching hair, this image of a panting Lapis searching for her eyes, her body almost thrown over the hospital bed, a full blown blush in her cheeks, Peridot could never forget this.

 

And the blonde hair going everywhere, like a weird triangle, with a red over it, like the most beautiful of paintings, made only with the most pure of materials, it was something that Lapis couldn't take off her mind.

 

This time the blonde closed the distance, kissing the soft lips of the other slowly, meticulously and above all else, lovingly.

 

There were many great things in the world, even when they were new, unexpected but so needed.

 

There was nothing better than this, both of them thought, nothing will ever be better than this.

* * *

 

Peridot’s hand felt different this time, as their intertwined fingers meant another thing, this wasn’t the clumsy girls in love but afraid not to tell, this was a proper hand hold after a first kiss that became much more.

 

After a while a nurse had came and forced Lapis out of the bed, telling her that the blonde needed rest and not a body pressing her into the mattress, with another full blown blush, the bluenette went for a chair and sat at her side, resting her head on their hands, doing small talk and avoiding the inevitable conversation.

 

Peridot was still processing what had just happened, her mind not enough to comprehend what that kiss meant, innocent questions pandering, raging from her self hatred and low self esteem and not understanding why Lapis did that, into the idea that she didn’t knew what they were, Maybe friends with some kind of benefits?, Maybe Girlfriends?, at this point she was too afraid to ask, so she settled in the next great thing, changing channels with one hand as she felt the soft breath of the girl stole her heart every time she spoke a word, answering lazily but at the same time with all the attention focused on her.

 

The TV lingered on one local news channel when Lapis placed her other arm over the midsection of Peridot and turned her head around.

 

“Hey… Peri?”.

 

Looking down on her was weird, the blonde could make star maps about every inch on her face, there was something laying under those beautiful eyes that she couldn’t completely make of, for a moment she was wondering, what is Lapis thinking right now, what is she up to now, “Something happened, Lazuli?”.

 

A cute little blush made those cheeks heat up as she evaded her looks nervously, her fingers fidgeting with the covers of the bed, “Do you… Doyouwanttobemygirlfriendplease?”.

 

“What?” The blonde deep inside knew what she asked, but she enjoyed that color a tad to much to let the possibility of making it even more dark go away, with a smile on her lips she moved her tired hand, cupping her face and looking in her eyes, trying to control her blood vessels and keep herself from blushing, “Tell me please.”

 

Lapis leaned into the contact, feeling her heart do all sort of acrobatics inside her chest, her voice picking up, wavering at first but gaining consistency and strength word by word, “Then… I need to do this right.” She moved her whole body, sitting in bed even when they forbidden her to do so, “There was so much wrong for me at the beginning, I was so afraid when I met you, everything seemingly spiraled down, every day was worse than the last, but you… you Peridot…” A finger found it’s way to her collarbone, signaling her with a soft smile, “You changed all of it, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, and I don’t want another day to pass where I can’t call you mine in a possesive and certainly wrong way… What I mean is… I don’t want the sun to come down today, I don’t want to wake tomorrow without you being my girlfriend, is the thing I want the most in the world, as much as I want to see you smile and your eyes shine, as much as I want to see your hair every morning and to return to the barn. I love you Peridot… Would you be my girlfriend… please?” Pleading eyes looking for hers.

 

Inside, the blonde girl was a stuttering, emotional mess, every wire cut and unable to thing, just to feel, feel the weight of those words just muttered, just wanting to be drown, to be buried under it, she tried to control it, but she couldn’t help her voice, “I-I-Is everything I’ve ever wanted…” She couldn’t talk more because she swiftly went forward and kissed her, she kissed her long and hard, she kissed her with the delicacy of the raindrops in early morning and with the roughness or a blacksmith hammer, she kissed her with body and soul, she kissed her once and then peppered some more kisses in her lips, sealing her word with another one, a implicit yes that she didn’t need to mutter, seeing how Lapis’s arms were tangling in her neck, carefully and lovingly, in a hospital bed that kept the both protected.

 

It was something new, it was something perfect, it was everything they needed and they drowned on it, relishing every second that it lasted and missing it as soon as they grew inches away.

  
They didn’t saw a little flash in the screen, those letters flying in the screen, talking about how the daughter of a well known company, Jasper Diamond, was captured in the skirts of the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this dorks, am I right?
> 
> I don't want to say much about next week, but it's coming nicely!
> 
> I wanna know what you think is coming for the finale, and... above all else.
> 
> I cherish every comment you've done in this story, and it makes me so happy to read them over and over again.
> 
> All of you, you've madw a great mark in me.
> 
> The comment section is there for anything you wanna say to me.
> 
> See you next week!


	26. Home

It took two weeks for Peridot to be discharged from the hospital. During those fourteen days Lapis Lazuli came every time she could, usually after classes; As soon as the tanned face crossed the threshold of the room a light seemingly appeared on the pale features, burning her inside just with a touch, theirs lips chastely touching the other's, their hands intertwining and small talk as they watched TV, the blonde felt weird but also strangely full as Lapis rested her head on her legs, letting Peridot play with her hair; The blue haired girl had the habit to whisper little sweet things that never failed to make the smaller girl blush, a nice red color that she couldn’t help but love. Once Steven found them in the middle of a kiss, the starry eyed kid jumped over them, pushing to the covers and forcing a nurse to scold him, the little boy felt happy about them being together and warned both of them about protecting each other hearts, making a promise that he would always help them if they fought. Peridot loved the little messages her now girlfriend left in her phone, they helped her through the long nights where she still felt guilty about the slap, about the beating, about everything that happened the last weeks; She knew police had captured Jasper as a suspect and she just had to go to them and signal her out to let the process start, but another warning came over her in the form of a message from her personal demon, that didn’t even visited her since she woke up: “I hope help your sister as soon as you are able to, as I hope to help your leg in the future.”

 

Peridot took two weeks to stand up again, her first steps a little shaky, but the support of one Lapis Lazuli help her through them, she felt some damage in her prosthetic, but nothing too dangerous or risky, it felt weird, but not as much as the intertwined fingers that lead her out of the room, that holded her as she checked out and walked, hand in hand, with a blue haired girl.

 

The blonde let out a great smile when she took her first step out of the hospital, giving Lapis a quick peck in the lips and enjoying the way she squirmed a little and blushed, hiding in her chest, hugging her and whispering a little, “Thank you.”.

 

Hands were found in her back as another kiss was left in her forehead, “What for?”.

 

“Because you picked me, because… you like me… and because you are here.”

 

Lapis quickly pushed Peridot away, searching for any kind of uneasiness in the green eyes she grew to adore, having found nothing there she let out a silent sigh, “My Peri… You are wonderful, you know? You made me fall for you and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

 

The electric feeling of their lips dancing together was something they didn’t want to forget even in their lives.

 

“Do you have to?” Lapis panted to the air when the kiss was broken.

 

“Yes, I need to.” Peridot had a focused look in her eyes as she took the hand offered to her once again, Lapis let her walk, leaving her in a bus stop and watching as she took one alone.

* * *

 

The door felt even bigger when she put her key on the lock, the weight of a thousand earths over her shoulders as she pushed the door open. The creaking sound that it always made shiver run through Peridot’s back as a yellow wall appeared before her eyes, an echo in the house, not the sound of the TV or the heavy breathing of her sister in the room, complete silence as she took her first steps inside the building; Peridot walked almost in the tips of her feet, afraid to break the sacred quiet ambient that existed inside the house as she made her uncertain way into her mother’s room.

 

With every step she felt more weary, more afraid, with every step this seemed like a worst option and she regretted it even more, Lapis and her talked about it, about the problems she could have if she ever went to the police station and when she signaled Jasper as the author of her beating, if she ever talked about it there would be one final problem, her mother, and she needed to face her; Standing outside the great brown wooden doors, Peridot knocked slowly, with her strength draining with each hit.

 

“Come in.” A calm, not loud neither low voice came from the inside of the room, sending jolts of electricity in her back as she pushed it. Yellow Diamond was in her normal demeanor, a scowl in her eyes, a whiskey glass in a hand, while the other holded a cigarette, Peridot could notice a little of smoke forming in the ceiling, the whole body of the taller woman was placed over a chair, her leather chair that no one could sit on, the sun hiding a little behind heavy curtains, letting some rays pass, making her frame a little blurry against the unaccustomed eye, the smaller blonde could notice how her lips turned into an angry face as she muttered something in her breath, bringing the liquid to her mouth and drinking the remainings of her glass quickly, in one swift move; The intense thump that it made against the desk as she stood up, slowly but forcing her entire presence over the one of her  _ daughter _ , “Why are you here?” Silence fell before she asked another question, “Is Jasper free already?”.

Peridot felt her knees shaking, the sweat growing in her brow and in her wet palms, her heart was going crazy at the same time, not like the first time she kissed those plump lips she adored with all her heart, that meant the world and back to her, but a crazy, frenetic urge to escape, to run, to hide from those amber eyes, she was in the same position she had been since she came to this house, the little shell of a girl, to afraid to speak her mind and too weak to defend herself under the gaze of a bigger threat, one she wanted to hear praise or even a little compliment of, but the piercing look was too much for her; For the thousandth time she asked herself if she had made a mistake coming alone, every ounce of courage she once had dissapearing when she was in the situation she dreamt of so many times; A wavering, shaky voice came from her mouth, “N-no.”

 

The air made a whizzing sound before another strike came to her cheek, the feeling of the same fingers clashing against her skin, clearly felt against her face, a slap that made her want to cry, want to drop dead and follow every order, her green eyes trying to focus on those yellow ones, holding the pain, the fear, holding herself together as much as she could because the business woman started talking again.

 

“I told you, the first thing you had to do after you were discharged was to free my daughter.” Her red hand found it’s way to her pocket as she nonchalantly kept her voice rolling words, “You fail even in the smallest things, you are a disgrace to this family.”

 

The words hurted even more than what she expected them to wound her, it was like a knife ripping through her chest, poking light holes into her heart, leaving a blank empty space inside and then filling it with water that dangerously tried to spill through her eyes, Peridot’s conscious mind knew that she didn’t deserve that, that it wasn’t even her fault, but she did everything everyone ever asked of her, she tried everything to be accepted into her new family, no matter how hard or hurtful it was, Why couldn’t her new mother see that?, Why couldn’t she whisper one single word to her?, She was even brutally hit, bruised and stroke against a wall, and even with that it was Jasper in the forefront of her mind?, as much as she wanted to distance herself of everything, the dagger kept poking inside, hurting more and more, forcing her to turn in her heels and almost exit the room, a hand on the knob when she whispered out of sheer frustration, “No.”.

 

“What did you said?” She could only feel the tall frame turning behind her, facing her once again even if she had her back to her.

 

“No.” This time it was more clear, with some substance behind, like she meant it. Peridot didn’t knew what came over her, but one thing was clear, blue was overtaking her fears, her pain, and making her stronger.

 

A hand pulled her, turning her body once again; This time the other cheek was slapped, the sound of the air even stronger as Peridot was forced to take a step back, her body touching the big door, “I hope I didn’t heard you right.” Her look could kill someone when she focused it on the tiny blonde there, making one single mistake, “I don’t know what ideas that blue haired bitch gave yo-”.

 

It was a valve exploding, the frustration, the anger she directed wrongly to herself, the tiredness, the last straw breaking when her tutor mentioned her girlfriend, “YOU DON’T EVER SAY A BAD WORD ABOUT HER.” Peridot was fuming at Yellow Diamond, a finger directly pointing at a face that was at least a head and a half over her, with a surprised look on her eyes, “I STOOD HERE FOR EVERYTHING, FOR YEARS, BUT YOU DON’T GET TO MISTREAT MY GIRLFRIEND.” For a second Peridot doubted, but blue finally took over her and the rage was too much to control, “FOR YEARS I TRIED TO BE THE BEST, TO DESERVE THIS NAME, FOR YEARS I DID MY BEST JUST TO BE PUSHED AND BULLIED, JUST BECAUSE I WAS A TOOL FOR YOU AND I WANTED TO BE MORE, BUT NEVER AGAIN.” She didn’t notice how she walked, step by step, making the amber eyed woman fall back until she was pressed between a finger and her desk. “I CAN FORGIVE YOU SO MANY THINGS, BUT YOU NEVER DARE TO SPEAK A BAD WORD ABOUT HER.” Peridot let an angry tear roll through her bruised cheek as she continued with the fire she had, “RIGHT NOW I COULD GO TO EVERY NEWSPAPER AND SHOW ANY PART OF MY FACE AND TALK HOW THE GREAT YELLOW DIAMOND HITS HER OWN DAUGHTER… SO NO, I WON’T SAVE JASPER, I WILL LET HER ROT IN A CELL IF THAT’S WHAT THE JUDGE SAY AND NO, I’M NOT STAYING HERE, AND IF YOU EVER DARE TO TAKE AWAY MY ONLY CHANCE TO BE WHOLE AGAIN… IF YOU EVER DARE TO TRY TO TAKE THE FOUNDINGS FOR MY LEGS, BE SURE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH ME FOR YEARS, WHY YOU ADOPTED ME AND WHAT HAPPENED INSIDE THIS ROOM FOR YEARS.” Peridot’s whole body was shaking when she turned around and walked through the door, no other sound was uttered inside of that room until the front gate was closed with a loud noise.

 

Peridot kept shaking, sitting in the little steps of the stairs outside of the house, tears where now falling through her eyes and rolling through her cheeks as her fingers tried to unlock her phone.

 

The ring only lasted for a few seconds until she answered.

 

“Are you alright Peri?!”.

 

“C-c-can you come, please?” The blonde cried in the phone as her voice broke more than once, feeling deep inside that everything was going to be better now, better as soon as she was able to have Lapis Lazuli with her.

* * *

 

Lapis Lazuli couldn’t sleep, the still unfamiliar weight in her shoulder as the wheels under her kept turning; She tried to close her eyes once again, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time, the blonde hair pressed against her skin, the smell of Peridot’s shampoo, the way it felt everything pressed against her, her mind roamed about how her lips tasted, a little of chapstick and the sweetest caramel she ever tried, the bluenette kept thinking about the blonde that was resting at her side with a relaxed face, her eyes closed, how her breath felt like it had a weight, how she blushed and how she waited for a second before connecting her lips, Lapis would never say how much she enjoyed the moment where the air the blonde exhaled clashed against her waiting mouth, it felt like the best breeze in the ocean, the cold air in a really warm summer day, everything she needed and even more; Blue Diamond was so happy when she knew, she gave her a smile and a hug and even threatened Peridot if she ever broke her heart, prompting a little afraid jump, even when she said she was kidding; Lapis Lazuli tried to sleep, but she couldn’t, Peridot was overtaking every sense she had, Peridot, Peridot and Peridot pressed against her shoulder, Peridot when she opened her eyes and casted them over her sleeping frown, listening to the little cute snore she had and to the way her eyes were pressing together behind the glasses; The taller girl was in love, madly and utterly falling even more for her sweetheart, but she couldn’t keep watching her, moving her eyes to the window.

 

Green, Yellow and Orange in sight, a dream forest cast before her eyes, like the scene of a fantasy book as she was already amazed by, a peaceful lullaby sang between the leaves, still frozen in time and space like she wanted, but that was another Lapis, that was one that had just run away from a house she couldn’t recognize anymore, that one one with red eyes and black bags, that was one that flinched and cried at every turn, that was one that had yet to know the love of her life that rested in her shoulder, Lapis Lazuli gazed the forest and was amazed by how the colors seemingly were even more beautiful, perfect, in synchrony, like the perfect painting done by any genius.

 

Lapis smiled to herself, so long ago, she had been drinking water and on her way to an adventure that she couldn’t imagine what would do for her, now, she tried to take it all to herself, happy and with the best girlfriend she could hope resting at lips reach.

 

The bluenette kissed her forehead once, like she loved to do, and closed her eyes, falling into sleep rather quickly; She dreamed of Green, Yellow and Orange in a forest so long ago, but this time the yellow wasn’t in the sky, but in the mane of hair she hid her face in every time she wanted.

* * *

 

The laced fingers never failed to make her feel special, a backpack in her shoulder as they walked they way to the barn that appeared in the horizon.

 

Peridot looked at her side and found a smile in the tanned face she grew to love, her heart swelling with adoration and love.

 

There was a lot she had learn in this past months, since she found a blue haired girl outside her barn.

 

It was the weirdest of quests, a trip with so many lows but the highs outweighing them anyway.

 

Peridot watched at Lapis Lazuli and green found blue, their lips like a now practiced dance came together, chastely and slowly, sharing a moment that would last for an eternity, as every other kiss they shared.

 

The blonde looked at the red and white wood in front of her, and with her fingers intertwined with the woman she fell in love with, she could just feel one simple thing.

 

“I’m Home.”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And here we are, you and me, on the last page."
> 
> I need to thank a lot of things, first of all, to everyone that read this, To everyone that left a comment, every week or just once every two episodes, you were the guys that pushed me to finish this; For a while I was afraid because no one said anything, afraid of doing this story wrongly, but you helped me through the end and I can't thank you enough.
> 
> I loved working in this, I love writing this Peridot and this Lapis, I loved sharing their first kiss and all their struggles, and I loved that you liked them; There's an epilogue coming your way soon, not next week, but soon, and I promise you'll love it.
> 
> And I hope the ending doesn't leave you on a sour note, You don't need to know what happened with Jasper, or with YD, or with Lapis and Peridot after that fight, Peri had the strength to fight for herself, or for Lapis for the first time, things will be better, that's everything I can promise, you'll know more once ep 27 is published.
> 
> I also need to thank specially 3 users, First of all, Dark_Mage_of_Ylisse, for being one of the best friends I met writing this, for sharing her ideas with me, for letting me share mine, because even if she loved mine always found a way to make them better, because she's a really good friend and I can't thank you enough for everything.
> 
> Then I need to thank Florencia2796, even if she joined laate to this trip, she always managed to crack me a smile with her comments, and her hype, because she loved every second of it and always helped me with my horrible grammar, reminding me the basic mistakes I make. Thank you pebble.
> 
> Last, but not least, I need to thank TwinCarcino, You pushed me to my limit, the moment I was more unsure of keep my weekly work on this, you were the one that with one single comment told me, keep going, and I can't stress enough how much it meant to me, I love working on this but my self steem was a big problem for a moment, hell, it is a problem even now, but that first comment, from one of the authors that inspired me to write, that was the moment I knew I wanted to do this for as long as I could.
> 
> There'll be more stories coming, a few surprises, I'm full of ideas and I can't wait to share them with you.
> 
> The comment box is always open, I wanna see what you think of this.
> 
> And, if you read this last line, you and me on the last page. Thank you.


	27. Epilogue: Kiss

Lapis Lazuli couldn’t sleep.

 

It wasn’t just the little licks of Pumpkin in the tips of her fingers, the little dog they found running around the barn 2 or so years ago, she was already used to it, even able to sleep through that each and every night her arm wondered outside the covers; It wasn’t just the now familiar weight of a blonde mane hiding in a weird place between her chest, the neck and her jaw, neither it was the little drooling pool that was starting to roll through her skin, or how she was muttering little things under her breath, after 5 years sleeping in the same bed (Read as Pull-Up sofa bed) she was already used to that; It wasn’t just the little light that slipped through the wood in the barn, or how the cold air felt even colder against her tanned skin, left without covers after Peridot took them all in her dreams, it was what happened every night.

 

No, this time it was something far different.

 

From one of the rafters of the Barn, it hanged a white dress, long, to her ankles, with little lace applications and a veil that covered her face, it had a short cleavage, just showing enough and a cut in her leg, just to the knee.

 

It haunted her, it spooked her, it taunted her, it frightened her and it talked with her.

 

Lapis Lazuli couldn’t sleep.

 

Because she couldn’t believe tomorrow was the day, the day where with that dress she would made the sweet girl that laid at her side her wife.

 

Lapis kept asking herself the same simple question.

 

“Do I deserve this?”

 

She couldn’t help it, even after that much time; she couldn’t help but feel like everything was going to go wrong for one reason of another, she was able to admit that they didn’t begun in the best of terms and their road was a rocky one, but now, as she was resting and feeling Peridot breathing air directly into her chest, warm and cold, happy and unnerving, perfect and oh so human, just like her, she couldn’t help but feel she had so much to lose, she had the perfect woman and the perfect place, she had a solid relationship that made her feel loved and cared, even when it wasn’t perfect, just because everyone had problems.

 

But that was the problem, She could lose Peridot, today or tomorrow, she could answer another thing, completely different to what she expected and leave her hanging, heartbroken, shattered over any kind of redemption or recuperation, Peridot was her pillar, her foundation, she was the rock where she stood and made everything solid, where she could find ground to work on, to stand and to walk.

 

She couldn’t lose her.

 

Her fingers trailed between the sweet golden mane, prickling every little hair, feeling the electric contact in her fingers until she reached the scalp.

 

She had so much to lose.

 

“L-Lapis?”.

 

A groggy low whisper brought her out of her stupor, small green eyes looking unfocused to her, up, a little fist cleaning up a little; Lapis just watched her, trying to recollect herself and keep her voice as solid as she could, trying to stop it from breaking out, “Peri? What’s wrong?”.

 

The tiny girl let her head fall into the copious chest, her chin resting placidly over the skin as her tiny eyes focused on the girl that was just so close, “Why aren’t you sleeping?, Are you nervous?”

 

Lapis Lazuli snickered a little bit, her breath stopping in the middle of her throat, in that position and with that sweetness, her girlfriend could made everyone in the world have diabetes, but she couldn’t help but pray to all the heavens, please let this girl stay by my side forever, “No…”

 

“Lapis don’t lie.”

 

“Yeah… I’m afrai-”

 

At first she felt how the body, pressed by gravity over hers, moved slowly, like a snake, crawling over her body, how Peridot reached her and hor her skin felt so close, a second later she could only made sense of the pair of lips pressed against hers, slow and methodical, without the hunger that some of them have, without the need of going fast, just a simple chaste kiss that lingered in her lips for quite some time, a plea of sleep, a beggar’s question to rest, Peridot begging for her to close her eyes.

 

It was chaste, that was sure, but Lapis couldn’t help but pant as soon as the girl that stole her heart grew apart, her soul pending from one thread, her heart beating as fast as a running motor in a car, crashing against her skin and probably letting Peridot know how she felt.

 

“Let’s sleep ok?”

 

Another short kiss was pressed against her mouth and she found that looking at a blushing Peridot was the best medicine for insomnia and insecurity, because with red in her face, Lapis Lazuli found herself in the hands of Somnus.

* * *

 

The leather walls were confining; the mirror wasn’t gentle and the pressure was giant, Peridot snuck her head out and saw how everyone was talking, sharing little stuff as she was hidden away in the most important day of her life; Pearl and Garnet were out, looking for her jacket and her shoes, and facing the reflection of a little tuxedo thrown over her body was still hard.

 

Peridot sat in the chair and closed her eyes, focusing on everything and nothing at the same time; She thought of the memories together, of the first time Blue Diamond came to the Barn, on how they found Pumpkin, Peridot remembered the time they told everyone they were a couple and smiled at herself when she could think of their first date with special invitations and a fancy restaurant that made they feel out of place, the blonde girl reminisced on the christmas night, almost 8 months ago, on how sweaty her palms felt when Lapis picked up the small box, wrapped innocently as another gift, on how weird it felt to kneel before her and give a little speech, with broken words and quivering voice, the small girl looked back on how Lapis jumped over her, pushing her towards the wall in a flurry of yes and kisses, on the preparations outside the barn, the tents, the little invitations and the people that could come, on the nerves and the fears, on the happiness and joy of having someone as Lapis Lazuli as her partner for the rest of her life, and questioned herself why didn’t she do that earlier.

 

But something, as always, had to pull her from her dreams, her two friends arriving quickly and finishing off her clothes, her hair and her make up.

 

The next time Peridot faced the mirror, a slick black suit was put over her, a red bowtie circling her neck, her pale face with a little more color and her eyes lightly painted green, emeralds reflecting light back at her, blonde hair plastered against her scalp in a weird way, making her feel like an 80’s rockstar or maybe a movie actress. A smile grew up in her lips as she watched her clock, seeing as how the time was about to get here and that she wasn’t as nervous after all.

 

And maybe, just maybe, those words were lies because everything became a vortex as soon as she left the safety of her changing room, between the looks of the friends, families and plus ones that were around, questions of everyone, times and organization, even when Blue Diamond was trying to take everything by herself, she was caught in a whirlpool of things and just left alone by the last second, someone dressed up behind her and people sitting in front of the barn, sweet melodious cliche music playing in her ears.

 

And then she saw her.

 

And time stood still.

 

It was like a trance, a hypnotism, Peridot transfixed watching Lapis Lazuli walk down the aisle, white dress pressed in her skin, her leg flirting a little with each step, eyes hidden behind a white veil and close, closer by the second, one step after the other the blue haired girl walking towards her.

 

Neither of them can remember much, neither of them can tell what was said or shared, which kind of sound the public did, neither of them could remember the vows they did, even if they were written down in little pieces of paper they hold dear between the pages of a book, hidden inside a bookshelf in their house, in their barn.

 

Not Peridot, Not Lapis can remember the party, after they married, neither of them can remember the tons of gifts they got, especially one of Yellow Diamond or Jasper, from jail, probably just because it was helpful for the image, but neither of them cared.

 

They can’t remember the first night they spent, as Lapis Olivine and Peridot Lazuli, they can’t remember the moment they shared in bed or how Pumpkin jump into her, they can’t remember the congratulations of Steven, the ring boy, or Connie his companion, Pearl and Garnet, Amethyst and everyone enjoying the party.

 

They can’t remember much just because one thing happened.

 

Both of them thought of the kiss, as the sun dipped behind the mountains, as something just worth sharing, as a formality, even when in their hearts they hold dear that this was the kiss that sealed everything between them, the point of no return, the moment where they tied their lives together.

 

Both of them wanted that kiss.

 

Both of them dreamed of that moment.

 

And even after so much time, after that many kisses and so much preparation.  


 

Nothing could compare.

 

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left this at the side for so long, just because I didn't want to stop writing this story.
> 
> It's short... But I just wanted you to know that after all they suffered... They found a way to be happy with each other.
> 
> And they had a happy ending, not perfect, but happy after all.
> 
> Thank you, for everything, every single person that ever read this story.


End file.
